


Broken wings

by anyrei



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Profound Bond, Romance, Supernatural-verse - Freeform, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean, Wings, injured!Cas, lot of canon but a bit different, soulbond, wing!kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-25 08:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 77,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2615630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas gets injured in a fight. Dean helps him and they discover something new about their relationship. Set during season 8 before “hunteri heroici” | AU No Naomi mind control | Team Free Will</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. For the first time

**Author's Note:**

> I have a beta reader!! Thanks to the lovely Drunk_Idjit this chapter should be free from grammar and other mistakes now. If you still find any, it's clearly my fault. Thank you for reading and please leave a comment <3! If you have any questions or just want to say hi to a fellow destiel fan, visit me on tumblr: http://anyrei.tumblr.com/

**Chapter 1: For the first time**

 

_I've been lookin' at you forever_

_But I never saw you before_

 

_\- Kenny Loggins // For the first time_

 

With his last amount of strength, Dean pulled Castiel to the safe shore. He leaned panting against a rock, his arm tight around Castiel's chest. The Cetus – an ancient Greek sea monster (in Maine?!) was dead, but it had injured the angel pretty badly in the fight.

  
“Cas? CAS!” Dean's shaking hand stroked over Castiel's face and through his wet hair. The unconscious body of his friend finally stirred against him as Cas slowly opened his eyes, blinking with confusion at the hunter.

 

“Dean?” The angel's voice was rough, his breathing ragged.

 

“Hey, man. Are you okay?” Dean smiled with relief. His hand was still on his friends face steadying him.

 

Castiel grimaced and gasped when he tried to move. Dean held him tight against his body.

“It's okay. I got you.”

 

“One of my wings is damaged. I can't 'zap' us out. I'm sorry” Castiel sighed.

 

Dean smiled slightly at the fact that he still could hear Castiel's air quotes when he used some of Dean's phrases.

 

“My car isn't far away from here. Can you walk?”

 

Dean helped Castiel to stand up and got under his arm to support his weight. The angel was bleeding out of several wounds at his chest and leg.

 

“How much time do you think you'll need until you're recharged and you can heal those wounds?” Dean asked with a worried expression.

 

“I don't know. I feel very weak. It could take days.” Castiel replied, sounding very tired and quiet.

 

“Days? Okay, that isn't going to work. We need to take care of these wounds. Otherwise you don't have days.”

 

..::::....::::..

 

Fifteen minutes later Dean entered the motel room with Castiel, his coat still soaking wet and dripping on the floor. He made Cas lose the coat as he walked over to the bathroom to grab a towel, throwing it in the angel’s direction. Surprisingly Castiel caught it, but then just stared at it in confusion as if he didn’t know what to do with it. Dean rolled his eyes, took it out of his hand and rubbed Castiel's hair dry. Dean couldn't help but smile when he shoved the towel away and revealed ruffled, dark hair and big blue eyes, which stared back in confusion at the hunter.

 

“I can give you some spare clothes, since you have to get out of these. They should fit you.”

 

Cas nodded and obediently went to the bathroom to change into the clothes that Dean had handed him out of his duffel bag. When he came back he was wearing jeans which were a bit too wide and hung low under his hipbones. The worn out AC-DC shirt was still in his hand when he walked over to Dean bare chested.

 

“I'm still bleeding.” Castiel looked nearly affronted at the wound on his chest and Dean sighed: “It's pretty deep. Sit down. I'm gonna stitch you up.”

 

Cas didn’t even blink when Dean disinfected the wound and began to stitch it, but then he surprised Dean by doing something very human. Castiel rolled his shoulder as if it was stiff and was hurting him, which made Dean stop for a minute to watch the movement of his muscles under the smooth skin. When Dean caught himself staring he let out an embarrassed cough and slid his eyes over to look at the angels face.

 

“Everything alright?”

 

Cas nodded, looking disgruntled: “My left wing is causing me discomfort.”

 

Dean nodded and finished his stitching: “How do they look like?”

 

“My wings?”

 

“Yeah, I mean I only ever saw their shadow before. I've always wondered what they look like.”

 

“Do you want to see them?” Cas asked slowly.

 

“You can show them to me? Is that even safe? I don't want to be blinded.”

 

“It's perfectly safe, Dean.”

 

“Then yeah, I'd like to see them.”

 

Cas closed his eyes and then they were just there, from one second to the other. They were enormous, shimmering black and dark blue wings spreading from Castiel's back into the room of the small cabin.

 

Dean just gazed at them in awe. He was completely struck by the sight of them. He never saw something so beautiful in his life before. Castiel tilted his head and watched him with his wide blue eyes. “Dean?”

 

“Wow, Cas. They're awesome. Totally bad ass!”

 

Castiel grinned slightly and it was then that Dean noticed the blood on the left wing and the crumpled feathers. He pointed at the wing and went to it to have a closer look.

 

“This is the one you injured in the fight. Is there anything I can do?”

 

Castiel turned his head and looked at it with a frown. The feathers ruffled when he turned around and Dean noticed how they changed their hue in the slight movement.

 

“I'm afraid there is nothing you can do. But it will heal as soon as I have my power back.”

 

Dean couldn't avert his eyes from the fascinating dance of blue and black colors swirling through the feathers. He wondered what they'd feel like, but he didn't bring himself to ask Castiel if he was allowed to touch them.

 

“Can't believe you never showed me your wings before. They're awesome.”

 

Castiel rubbed his neck and looked away – a gesture Dean knew very well.

 

“What is it, Cas?” he asked curious.

 

“You are the first human whom I ever showed them to. We usually don't do it. It's kind of intimate.” The angel confessed quietly.

 

“Intimate, huh?” One of Dean's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

 

“And of course most humans would be scared and maybe get the wrong impression because of their color.”

 

Dean nodded: “I think they fit you well. Couldn't imagine you with white fluffy wings anyway.” After a little pause Dean asked hesitantly: “Is that the normal color of angel wings?” Somehow Dean was afraid Castiel's wings got tainted when he rescued Dean from Hell or when he disobeyed Heaven for him.

 

“No. Every angel has a different color. Gabriel's for example looked like a sunset, rich amber with golden touches.”

 

“Sounds gay. Yours are way cooler” Dean deadpanned.

 

Castiel wanted to roll his eyes about Dean's comment, but his own pride and a strange warm feeling inside him made him smile instead.

 

When he moved his right wing it went right through a chair and Dean's eyes widened with surprise. “Woah, that explains a lot!”

 

Castiel looked at him confused.

 

“Your wing just went through the chair, as if it wasn't there. But I guess that makes sense. I always wondered where you put them when you were sitting in the backseat of the Impala” Dean explained.

 

“They are on another plane of existence.”

 

“So I wouldn't feel them if I'd touch them, now?”

 

Castiel looked to the floor: “No.”

 

Dean didn't know why he felt disappointed by that answer. He went a few steps nearer and reached tentatively for the uninjured wing. Castiel watched him in surprise.

 

He was all the more surprised when he felt a little electric tickle, when Dean's hands glided through the soft looking feathers.

 

Castiel bent his head slightly: “Did you feel that?”

 

Dean looked at Cas in awe: “Yes, how is that possible? I thought I couldn't feel them.”

 

“I don't know.” Castiel looked confused. “That shouldn't be possible. Did you ever feel them before?”

 

“Dude, it's the first time you've showed them to me.”

 

“But nevertheless they're constantly here – whether you see them or not. I don't think it's the first time they accidentally touched you.”

 

Dean brushed his fingers through them again and enjoyed the tingly, soft feeling he got from it. His fingers wandered to the top of the wing and brushed over the large wing bone tentatively. Dean got the strange feeling that the more he touched Castiel's wings, the better he could feel them. Like they were getting more real for him by the second.

 

Castiel gasped when Dean's stroking over the top of the wing got more determined. Dean looked at Cas sheepishly, as if he had just realized that touching his friend like that was a tiny bit inappropriate.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

His hand slid from the wing reluctantly. Castiel shook his head: “It's okay. I was just surprised. That's all. That shouldn't feel so...” Castiel gazed at the floor.

 

“Feel so what?”

 

Castiel's wing ruffled softly as the angel scratched his foot over the floor. Dean couldn't stop the thought popping in his mind that when Cas was shy about something, he looked just... well... There wasn't a word that was manly and fitting enough as a description for what he thought about Cas. Let's just say, Dean liked the way he looked when his friend was shy.

 

“Good” Cas voice was quiet and low.

 

Dean grinned: “You mean your wings are like an erogenous zone?”

 

Castiel looked a bit sad when he replied: “I wouldn't really know. No one has ever touched my wings before.”

 

There was an awkward silence between them, where Dean was thinking about how sad it was, that Cas didn't know anything about sex. Dean thought it was one of the best things in the world.

 

“You look a bit better than before.”

 

Cas nodded: “You distracted me from the pain. Thank you.” Castiel looked around and his wings vanished when he pulled the t-shirt Dean had lent to him over his head.

 

Dean was a bit disappointed that he couldn't see the wings anymore, but wondered if he would still be able to feel them. He moved in front of Cas and looked at him curiously.

 

“Do you think I could still feel them, now?”

 

“I don't know. You shouldn't be able to feel them in the first place. It's very strange.”

 

Dean reached for the air behind Cas's back, where his wings were supposed to be and was taken as much by surprise as the angel when he still could feel the soft feeling of feathers under his fingertips.

 

“How are you doing this?” Cas wondered – his eyebrows knitted together as he frowned.

 

Dean shook his head in wonder: “Is there any lore about that? That a human would be able to do that?”

 

Cas thought about that: “Well, there aren't many cases where angel and humans were close. There are a few stories about angels who fell in love with humans, literally fell for them. I think they shared a bond where the human could perceive some parts of the angel's true visage.”

 

“Like a profound bond?” Dean quipped.

 

Castiel looked constricted and Dean knelt before him: “You didn't fall for me. You fell because you stood against your dick brothers and helped prevent the apocalypse. Maybe this is because you saved me from Hell. I mean you left your hand print on my shoulder.”

 

“I did what?” Castiel said, squinting his eyes.

 

“Your hand print... I thought you knew about that. You know, ' _gripped me tight and raised me from perdition_ '...” Dean lowered his voice and tried to speak as Castiel for the last part.

 

Cas still looked confused: “Would you show me...?”

 

Dean rolled up his sleeve and showed the angel the already faded mark Cas's hand had left when he had saved Dean from Hell. Castiel's blue eyes went wide and he slowly reached out to touch the mark. Dean felt a slight electric tingling where the angel touched his skin.

 

Cas looked at him with a concerned face: “I'm so very sorry, Dean. I didn't know.”

 

Dean shot him a confused glance: “What is it, Cas? What does that mean?”

 

Castiel withdrew his hand and looked to the floor: “It seems that my grace and your soul mingled and tried to bond. I can't explain why.”

 

“And what does that mean?”

 

“It means that a part of my grace is in you and a part of your soul is in me.”

 

Dean's eyebrows shot up to his hairline: “Dude, that just sounded wrong on so many levels.”

 

Castiel’s eyes dropped to the floor again, he was clearly uncomfortable with this discussion: “I wonder, if that is the reason for me being so different than the rest of my brothers and sisters.”

 

_The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!_

 

Dean would never forget these words. The accusation that the one bitch angel made against him, that it was his fault that Castiel fell and lost his mind. And wouldn't that fit well in Dean's history of destroying the lives of everyone he has ever met?

 

“So the angel was right,” he whispered. Dean stood up and turned away from Cas. “I did corrupt you.”

 

Castiel looked up at him first with surprise and then with shock: “No!”

 

He stood up and took a few steps until he was in Dean’s personal space: “Don't ever think that. Despite everything that happened and all the mistakes I've made, there were my mistakes – my choices. You taught me how to have free will and I've learned to fight for it. You gave me the greatest gift there is to give and I will always be grateful for that.”

 

“Yeah, well...” Dean stood awkwardly for a second before turning around and fetching a beer from the fridge. “So, is there anything you can do? I mean about the soul thing? Is it dangerous, or what?” He opened his beer, took a swig and sat at the table, trying to get a bit distance between himself and the angel.

 

“A bond with an angel isn't dangerous but it has consequences. I think it was initialized when I saved you from the pit, but it was never completed. It would explain why we didn't notice it before and why you can somehow touch my wings.”

 

Dean stood up and put his bottle slowly back on the table. He scratched his chin and stepped in front of Castiel – determination in his gaze: “And what would complete this bond?”

 

“This kind of union between an angel and a human is forbidden, so I've never been interested in learning how to do it. I didn't even know that I had initialized one when I saved you from hell.”

 

“Super,” Dean sighed, looking frustrated: “So they never educated you guys on safe-gripping souls from the pit?”

 

“I am sorry, Dean. This wasn't my intention.”

 

“Yeah, you already said that. So what are these consequences you've talked about?”

 

Cas sat down on the bed and rubbed his shoulder with one hand absentmindedly: “Once bonded an angel and a human could share thoughts and emotions through their bond. That was the reason why it was forbidden. The punishment for an angel who bonded with a human was that his wings got ripped out by the other angels and he was cast out of Heaven.”

 

“Nice...”

 

Dean watched Castiel with concern as he was still rubbing his shoulder. He got up and fetched another beer from the fridge. “Does it hurt?”

 

Castiel nodded and Dean sat next to him on the bed, handing him the beer. Cas took it with a frown, but didn't drank from it, just holding it in his hand and staring at nothing in front of him. Dean felt something tingly and warm at his back. At the beginning he wasn't sure what it was, but then he realized it was Cas's wing behind him. It was weird, but the warmth coming from it started to spread through his body and it gave Dean an odd feeling of security and home – a feeling he didn't had for a long long time. The last time he felt this way was when he was a little kid and his mother was still alive, making him hot chocolate on a rainy day.

 

“When you get better, you should make some inquiries about this bond. We should know more about it. I don't want to be responsible for you losing your wings.”

 

“So, what do you want me to do?” Cas asked quietly.

 

“Maybe take a trip upstairs.”

 

“To Heaven?” Castiel looked at him, eyes wide with surprise.

 

“Yeah, poke around, see if the God squad can't tell you something about that bond thing and maybe you know, if anybody knows how you got out of purgatory.”

 

“No.” Castiel said, looking down at the floor again.

 

“Look, man, I – I hate those flying-ass monkeys just as much as you do, but –“

 

“Dean! I said no!” Castiel yelled, forcefully interrupted Dean.

 

There was a silent pause before Dean turned on the bed to face Castiel. He laid his hand on the angel’s arm prompting Castiel to look at him: “Talk to me.”

 

His voice was sincere and soft. Castiel let out a defeated sigh and faced him to meet his eyes. “Dean, I... When I was... bad... and I had all those things – the... the leviathans... writhing inside me... I caused a lot of suffering on earth, but I devastated Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I – I – I can't go back.”

 

“'Cause if you do, the angels will kill you.”

 

“Because if I see what Heaven's become – what I – what I made of it... I'm afraid I might kill myself.”

 

Dean stared at him. Of all the things he thought Castiel would be saying he didn't expect that. And it shocked him more to hear these words than he would have ever imagined. Castiel looked at him with his impossible big blue eyes, so vulnerable and so lost – so far away from the bad ass soldier, who could kill a room full of demons just with his angelic presence (and what a freaking light show that is).

 

It was pure instinct. He didn't think about it. Dean just grabbed the angel and pulled him in his arms. It was a little awkward, because they were sitting on the bed and Castiel's body went all rigid the moment Dean laid his arms around his shoulders.

 

Dean sighed: “You're supposed to wrap your arms around me, too.”

 

“M'sorry” Cas murmured when he finally relaxed into Dean's embrace and carefully put his arms around Dean. Cas rested his head on the hunter's shoulder and closed his eyes.

 

Without thinking he moved his wings to surround Dean like his arms did. A sudden stab of pain jolted through his body when he tried to move his injured wing and Cas couldn't help but gasp.

 

Dean pushed himself back to look at his friend: “Is everything alright?”

 

Cas looked pale and his face was contorted with pain: “Moved my wing. It hurts.”

 

Dean looked at him with concern and slowly let his hands slide down from the angel's shoulders to his arms, when he pulled back reluctantly.

 

“Are you sure there isn't anything I can do? I mean you would tell me if this injury is dangerous for you, wouldn't you?”

 

Cas gave him a short lived smile: “Yes, I would.”

 

“Good, good... You look tired, buddy. How about you get some shut-eye?”

 

“I don't sleep.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes: “You do when you're out of angel mojo.”

 

Castiel sighed in defeat: “I could try, but I don't think it will work. My wing is hurting me too much.”

 

The angel tried to lie down on the bed, but then shook his head and sat back up. Dean watched him with a frown.

 

“There is maybe something you could do...,” Castiel said slowly.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Do you have a pen with ink?”

 

Dean thought for a minute: “Yeah, yeah I do.” The hunter fetched a pen that he had gotten from his dad and some paper out of his duffel bag and handed it to Cas. “What do you want to do?” he asked as he sat on the bed next to the angel, watching him draw what looked like a complicated sigil on the paper.

 

When he finished his drawing he tilted his head slightly to study his work, and then nodded in approval. “This sigil will help to lessen the pain by locking me more into this human body. But it won't affect my ability to heal over time nor would I feel the injuries on this body.”

 

“So – what do I do? I hope you don't want to cut this into your body?”

 

Castiel shook his head: “No. Drawing it with ink will suffice. Blood would make it too powerful and would lock me in this body with all its disadvantages.”

 

Dean nodded: “So where does it go?”

 

“On my back between my shoulder blades – where my wings are.” Castiel returned the paper and pen to Dean and pulled his shirt off. Dean took them and laid them next to him on the bed. He then got up and moved around so he was sitting directly behind Cas.

 

Something was hitting Dean in a wave of warmth and a strong feeling of security. Castiel whimpered and leaned forward.

 

“Everything okay, Cas?” Dean asked with a shaky voice. He laid his hand on the angel's shoulder. His skin felt warm and there was a tingly feeling in his arms. Soon it spread from there to the hunter's whole body and filled him with a cozy warmth and contentment. It was exhilarating and soothing at the same time and Dean wished he could feel like this forever. On a slightly disturbing note Dean got the feeling that the effect Castiel's wings had on him got more intense every time he touched them. But it felt so good that he was more and more reluctant to keep away from them.

 

Dean slid his hand from Cas's shoulder until it landed softly between his shoulder blades. He felt Cas leaning into the touch – his head slightly rolled back into his neck. The angel had closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath before he answered in a quiet and low voice: “I'm okay. It just feels... I don't know.”

 

Dean felt the tension between them growing and he knew this... everything... whatever this was, went into a direction he never thought about. The hunter never felt so – sheltered before. Since he was a little boy he was taught to never lower his guard – to always be ready and fight for his life. He slept with a knife and a gun under his pillow. But now – he felt like nothing bad could ever happen to him and that made him relax for the first time in this life.

 

Dean slowly let out his breath and looked at the angel in front of him. His dark hair was a mess and Dean had to suppress the urge to run his fingers through it. And where the hell did that come from?

 

Sure – Castiel was good looking. He had these ridiculous blue eyes and this crazy bed hair and in the past Dean and Cas had some epic staring moments, just because it was really hard for Dean to look away from his friend. And if he was really honest with himself, the urge to touch his angel wasn't new either. He had that urge every time Cas did something “typical Cas” or when he did something good, like reacting like a human being instead of being all angelic and almighty. And he gave in to this urge a few times. Like when he clapped his shoulders, or hugged him sideways. Friendly gestures. But now Dean was confused, because whatever was going on at the moment, didn't feel like 'just friends' to him at all.

 

He felt excited and most of all he wanted to touch Castiel – he wanted to be as close as possible. Dean wanted to show the angel how good touching can feel.

 

Dean fetched the pen: “Okay, I’m gonna start drawing now. Hope I don’t fuck this up.” His voice was a mess – all rough and strained from the tension and excitement.

 

“You won't. I have faith in you, Dean.” At least Castiel's voice didn't sound better than his. Apparently the angel was feeling the tension as well.

 

Dean carefully started with the outer lines of the sigil. One hand was lying on Cas's back to stabilize the other hand when he drew the fine dark lines on the tanned skin. Except for their breathing it was absolutely quiet in the room. Dean's heart pounded so loud and fast, he thought that his angel just had to hear it. Castiel's skin was warm and soft under Dean's hand and the hunter longed to touch every inch of him, to explore what this would do to his friend. For Christ's sake, where did these thoughts come from?

 

When the hunter started to draw the inner symbols of the sigil Castiel exhaled heavily.

 

A wave of excitement and pure happiness pushed its way through Dean's body and caught the hunter by surprise. He groaned and reacted purely on instinct when he grabbed Cas by his shoulders and pulled him in a hug. He buried his face in Castiel's hair while he tried to catch his breath from the overwhelming emotions in his chest: “Cas...”

 

Castiel shivered in Dean's arms. “Dean, you should try to finish the sigil.” His voice was shaky and low. Dean pulled back reluctantly and ran his hand softly through Cas's hair. “I'm sorry, Cas. Are you okay? You're shaking...”

 

“I can't seem to stop.”

 

“You're probably just exhausted. I'm finishing this up and then you should try to sleep.”

 

Cas nodded and Dean tried to concentrate on finishing the sigil, but he could still feel Cas's wings under his hand – spreading everything good in the world into the hunter's body.

 

When he drew the last line, Castiel let out a relieved sigh. “Feeling better?” Dean grinned and the angel nodded. “Much. Thank you, Dean.”

 

The angel was still shivering when Dean pulled him slowly down on the bed. Cas looked at him with big eyes. Dean was suddenly aware that they were in quite an intimate position – with him kneeling next to a bare chested Cas, but he just couldn't bring himself to get up and out of this situation.

 

“Cas, what is this? You feel this too, right?”

 

Castiel nodded: “You feel my grace through this connection and I can feel your soul. The longer we keep this connection the stronger it gets because they both reverberate with each other.”

 

Dean didn't like the sound of that: “That sounds like the bond thing you told me about earlier. You know, about sharing emotions...”

 

The angel sat back up again and if Castiel had any concept of personal space he would have known that he was sitting way too close to the hunter, but instead he was just staring stoically at him.

 

“Dean, I,” he squinted his eyes “I wish I could answer your question, but I don't know. I can assure you that at the moment we don't have a bond, because I can't read your mind and I don't get any feelings from you as long as you don't touch my wings. I guess there is a ritual to bond a human to an angel and if I heard correctly it has something to do with fornication.”

 

And _hell_ was Dean happy that he hadn’t just taken a sip from his bottle right then.

 

“So – sleeping with an angel would bind him or her to a human?” Dean suddenly had to think about Anna and hoped that hadn't had any consequences.

 

Castiel shook his head. “Not when the bond wasn't initialized beforehand.” After a short pause he added a “Like it had happened with us” sheepishly.

 

Dean looked down at the bed sheet. So if he would do the dirty with his friend he would be bound to him forever. Well great. Not that he had planned to do it with Cas... I mean he was Cas... And a man. Well not exactly a man so much as an angel, but in a male vessel for Christ's sake, and what the fuck did it matter? That was all kinds of wrong to just think about it.

 

Dean looked up to his friend and was captured by his blue eyes. He was so damn near – the hunter just needed to lean in, to close the last inches between them. Of course it was a fucking bad idea for a shit load of reasons, but for whatever reason it didn't do anything to kill the tension and excitement coming with these thoughts.

 

“Dean...”

 

Dean stopped him by laying his finger on Cas's lips. Castiel's eyes fluttered shut for a moment and his breathing hitched. His lips felt soft and pliant and Dean brushed his fingers carefully over them to rest them on his friend's cheek. The hunter pulled him slightly forward and brushed his own lips over Cas's. At first Cas didn't react at all, just closed his eyes, but when Dean pulled back, the angel's lips followed him to recapture them. Still just soft kisses until Dean's tongue tentatively licked over Cas's upper lip. Cas groaned and Dean couldn't believe how turned on he was just by the sound of his angel losing it. He deepened the kiss, tasted the inside of Cas's mouth – He tasted like rainwater on a summer's day, pie and light. It was amazing. And it felt so right. It felt better than right, like something Dean had never expected. It felt better than kissing all the women in his life before. And maybe that should have scared Dean, but it didn't. He didn't care. This was too good to let go and he wanted more.

 

Dean pushed Cas on the bed and pinned his wrist over his head into the pillow. His hands wandered from the angel's wrist to his hand and Cas closed his fingers around it. Dean shoved Castiel's legs apart with his knee and settled between them. He wanted to be as close as possible.

 

Castiel’s free hand traveled under Dean’s shirt and began tugging at it. Dean, getting the hint, took a break from kissing his angel to pull his shirt over his head. His eyes fell back on Cas. His lips were swollen, the blue of his eyes was barely visible and his breathing was ragged. Dean would have kissed him again, if he hadn't seen the insecurity and anxiousness in his friend's eyes.

 

Dean stroked through Cas's hair tenderly and gave him a reassuring smile: “Are you okay?”

 

Cas nodded, his mouth slightly open as if he wanted to say something.

 

Dean lowered his head and kissed Cas again – deep. Cas groaned and his hip instinctively met Dean's to get more contact – more friction. The hunter felt Cas's hand roaming over the naked skin of his back until his hand found the hand print on Dean's shoulder.

 

Dean nearly blacked out by the intensity of the feelings and arousal he got hit by. It was as if someone had put his and Cas's arousal in one big pot, doubled it and poured it all over them. He felt the deep devotion and love his angel felt for him and the nearly hurtful desire to be close to him and be loved. But there also was doubt and anxiety. Dean hoped that Cas could feel his love for him, too, because finally he could admit it to himself. Cas was simply the best thing that ever happened to him and he wanted him to stay in his life – to never lose him again. After he thought he had lost him forever in Purgatory he felt it more than ever. He needed Cas in his life to be happy. He needed Cas to know.

 

Dean broke the kiss and looked at his angel. “Cas...Stay with me, okay? I don't want you to ever leave again.”

 

“There is no place in this universe I would rather be than with you.”

 

Dean smiled and kissed him again. His hands left the angels messed up hair, which was sticking in all different directions now and wandered over his cheeks to his shoulders – his arms. It wasn't news to Dean that he got turned on by a male body (there was a reason he loved to watch Dr. Sexy, M.D.), but being here with Cas was simply so much hotter than he'd have ever expected.

 

The hunter reached for the button on Cas’s jeans and opened it along with his zipper – his hand slipped under the waistband to touch the angel's erection. Castiel gasped and writhed under him – his eyes flew open and he stared at Dean, eyes widening in surprise.

 

_He never did this before. Never had someone to touch him – to love him._

 

“It's okay, Cas. I got you. You trust me, right?”

 

Cas nodded, but he still looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Dean realized he had to go slow. This was special and he wanted it to be good – perfect. He brushed his hand tenderly through Cas's tousled hair. “If this is going too fast or is too much for you – you tell me,” he whispered in Cas's ear before he kissed and licked down the angel's throat.

 

“Dean, I... I want...” Cas voice was rough and even deeper than he usually spoke. He pushed Dean from him and sat back up on the bed: “I can't, Dean. I'm sorry.”

 

Dean looked at him, stunned: “Why? I felt you, Cas – through this connection. I know that you want it, too.”

 

Cas gazed at the sheets, his expression constricted and sad: “You are right. I want this. But I don't deserve to want. I lost this privilege when 'me wanting something' cost other people their lives.”

 

“Bullshit!”

 

Cas looked up in surprise at the hunter and his sudden outbreak. Dean laid one of his hands on Cas's shoulder. “Listen, buddy. I know you fucked up big time. But you have to forgive yourself. If you want to make up for your mistakes, you have to start with that.”

 

“I don't know if I can.”

 

“It's just... I'm concerned about you, man. You talking about this...,” Dean made a vague gesture with his hand, before resting it on the angel's wrist. He felt the warmth of Cas's body and his pulse was strong and steady against the palm of Dean's hand.

 

He couldn't lose Cas again. After he couldn't save the angel from purgatory, Dean had started to drink again. He had tried to drown the pain of his loss and the guilt but it didn't work. He had been devastated.

 

He still couldn't believe that he got Castiel back. Dean's fingers drew soothing patterns over the angel's wrist. He meant to comfort his friend, but it also seemed to help him. Feeling the warmth and the closeness reminded him that Castiel was back for real.

 

Dean sighed and watched his hands holding Cas's arms, as if he was afraid Castiel would just vanish if he would let go of him: “You know, I meant what I said to you in purgatory.” He looked at Castiel. His gaze was pained and insecure and Dean could read all the guilt and self-loathing in his face.

 

“I need you, Cas.”

 

“Dean...” Cas looked down at their hands. “I don't know why I'm back from purgatory. I still believe I belonged there. I don't know if it's possible for me to ever fix what I did. I failed at being an angel and I failed at being your friend. I will do anything you ask of me, whatever you need. I hope that will at least atone a bit for my sins.”

 

Dean dipped his head to get Cas to look back at him. “Cas, that's not why I need you. You're not a tool for our hunts, you know that right?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes and watched him expectantly. Apparently the angel didn't know.

 

“You're my friend, Cas. I need you, because when you're gone, I...”

 

_I... what? Smooth, Dean. You want to tell him, how much it destroyed you, when he was gone? How much you missed him? Well, that's not going to happen._

 

“You what?” asked Castiel after the silence between them stretched awkwardly.

 

Dean cleared his throat in embarrassment: “It sucked... I mean, you're my friend, Cas.”

 

Castiel bent his head slightly: “You already said that...”

 

Dean sighed frustrated – he didn't had a clue how he should explain to his friend how important he was in his life and how much he wanted Castiel to stay with him. He wasn't very good with all this touchy feeling stuff, but Castiel wouldn't understand him, if he didn't explain… his feelings.

 

“Cas, I don't want you to stay because I want you to fix your mistakes. I already forgave you for what you did. I just want you to stay, because you're my best friend and I want to help you. You're family, Cas. And family looks after each other.”

 

Castiel looked at him for a moment, before he nodded slowly: “Thank you, Dean. I'll try to work very hard to deserve this honor.”

 

“You really don't get it, huh?” Dean huffed in frustration. How could he make Cas understand, that being in Dean's family wasn't a position he could get fired from? That it didn't matter how many mistakes the angel made, he would always belong to them – to him.

 

And “deserve the honor”? What the hell? Okay, so Cas had fucked up a lot, but Sam and Dean had their share of fucking things up big time, too. Starting the apocalypse for example. And Castiel fell to help them, bled for them and even died for them and on top of it he saved Dean and Sam from Hell. So how could he think he wasn't worth it?

 

_And now he is sitting here in front of me with his stupid big blue eyes and he has no fucking clue how much I..._

 

_...love him._

 

Dean's heart made a sudden painful jump at that thought. He was very proud of his skill to avoid thinking about uncomfortable things – like how Castiel made him happy in ways no one else could. And in the past he refused to think about how often he had the urge to just touch the angel's face and kiss those innocent lips.

 

He wanted Castiel to know how much he meant to him. He had to understand because this was killing Dean – watching his friend suffer from all this guilt.

 

Dean was aware that they had been staring at each other for the past few minutes. He wondered what Castiel was seeing in him when he did that. Most of the time Castiel's face was without any expression and it was hard to see what he was thinking, but now – he was expecting Dean to explain himself and he could see the fight between hope and utter forlornness in the angel's sapphire blue eyes.

 

Cas's eyes went wide when Dean slowly reached up and cupped his cheek tenderly with his hand. “I don't know how to explain this to you so you understand – but I could show you?”

 

Cas nodded slowly, but he looked terrified. The same look he had when they went to the brothel four years ago.

 

“Relax, okay?” Dean pushed himself on his knees and cupped Castiel’s other cheek as well. His heart rate was bordering at unhealthy, but this was too important for a freak out. Cas had to understand and this was the only way Dean knew of telling him.

 

He lowered his head and pressed his mouth lightly on Cas's lips. Dean let his bottom lip slide over Cas's upper one and pulled away to look the angel in his eyes to see if that had been okay with him.

 

Cas had closed his eyes and was opening them slowly to return the gaze. Dean smiled at him lightly – his hands slid to Castiel's neck and into his dark hair: “Again?”

 

Instead of answering Cas kissed him back, burying one hand into Dean's hair and grabbing his waist with the other to pull him close. Dean opened his mouth and licked over Castiel's lips and the angel responded with allowing him in. Their tongues touched and Dean groaned. He couldn't believe that this felt so much better than with any woman he had ever been with.

 

Dean pushed Cas back on the bed and his lips trailed from the angel's lips down his throat and to his chest. His erection was straining against his jeans, when he rubbed his hip over Castiel's. If he wasn't careful he was in danger of coming in his pants and he really didn't want that to happen.

 

His hands went to Cas’s waist. He started to pull down the angel’s jeans and, of course, Cas wore white boxers. Dean grinned and kissed the hard muscles on Cas’s stomach. He didn't look like much with his oversized coat, but his body was actually quite toned. Dean pulled back to quickly get rid of his own jeans while smiling down at Cas, who was breathing fast and was pushing himself on his elbows to get closer to Dean.

 

As soon as he was free from his jeans the hunter dived back on Cas and kissed him deeply.

Cas touched Dean's mark on his shoulder and the emotions and feelings they had for each other overran them in mere seconds. Dean had the feeling he was bathing in white, golden and warm light. He never felt like this before. So loved, so secure, so light. Like nothing bad in the world could ever happen to him. It was pure happiness. He looked at Cas and stroked tenderly through his tousled hair. His eyes were full of wonder and unconditional love and Dean had the feeling he could drown in them. He always had – since they met. The hunter wondered why he hadn't realized this before. They had this amazing connection from the start which had developed into a deep friendship. Cas was the best friend Dean ever had. But it had grown into so much more over time. When Dean thought about how he felt about Cassie or Lisa it didn't even come close to what he felt for Cas. He would do everything for him, hell – he walked through all of Purgatory for him.

 

_I will never lose you again._

_  
_ “You won't...” Cas said quietly.

 

Dean looked at him with a surprised look: “I didn't say anything...”

 

“I heard you...”

 

“You can read my mind?” Dean asked – feeling suddenly insecure.

 

Cas frowned and looked at him: “Not at the moment – no. But I could hear you before.”

 

“This is the bond thing, right?”

 

Cas nodded: “It appears to be getting stronger the longer we are close to each other.”

 

Dean got back on his knees between Castiel's legs: “So what now?”

 

“Maybe we should be careful, as long as we don't know how about this bond will be completed.”

 

Dean nodded defeatedly. Why couldn't it be simple? Just for one time!

 

But maybe it was a good thing that they were forced to stop. This was all going too fast and Dean didn’t even have time to properly think about everything like how this was going to affect their lives. He guessed he would get his freak-out in the morning when his brain finally caught up with everything that had just happened. He still had to phone Sammy to tell him they had killed the monster, but for now he was spent. Cas didn’t look any better.

 

“You should try to sleep a bit, Cas. And tomorrow we try to find out everything we need to know, okay?”

 

Castiel just nodded and looked at him sadly, before he turned around on the bed and closed his eyes.

 

TBC


	2. I'm giving up on you

**Chapter 2: I'm giving up on you**

 

_And I am feeling so small._

_It was over my head_

_I know nothing at all._

 

_\- A great big world // Say something_

 

When Dean woke up the next morning he never felt so relaxed and rested in his entire life. He looked over at Cas, who was still asleep under the big blanket that he had stolen from Dean at some point in the night. Dean grinned and wondered if Castiel's wings had anything to do with his relaxed state. They had slept in the same bed and, if Dean remembered correctly, he had felt Castiel’s feathers draped over his arm before he fell asleep.

 

Cas lay on his stomach – with one arm under his face and the other hanging from the bed. The state of his hair brought the expression “bed hair” to a whole new level.

 

“Cas?”

 

Cas sighed and turned around in his sleep. The arm that was hanging from the bed now covered his face.

 

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!"

 

Cas grunted and squinted one eye to look at Dean before he pulled the blanket over his face.

 

So apparently Cas wasn't a morning person.

 

“I'm gonna go grab some breakfast. Do you want some?” Dean asked grinning while pulling his jeans on.

 

“Don't eat,” Castiel grunted.

 

“Okay then. See you later, buddy. Don't want to disturb your beauty sleep.” Dean watched how Cas dove deeper into the blankets until only his hair was sticking out.

 

He smiled and left the motel room, pulling his cell phone out of his jacket as soon as he closed the door behind him. The sun rays warmed his face and the hunter closed his eyes for a few seconds to enjoy the feeling of peace and quiet.

 

Since he woke up, he had been waiting for the major freak out he knew he was going to have. He kissed Cas. He was in love with him. With his best friend and angel who was in a male vessel!

 

Dean listened carefully but there was no panic on the rise – nothing but happiness. And there were other thoughts accompanied by that. Thoughts like “Cas fits perfectly in my life on the road and hunting monsters” and “He will always be at my side.”

 

It was everything Dean ever wanted and he wouldn't fuck up his only shot at happiness.

 

The hunter stamped down the smile that had been on his face and pulled himself out of his thoughts. There were other things he had to focus on right now. He pulled out his phone and looked down at it.

 

_Sammy._

 

He would need Sam to research this soul bonding thing. But he wasn't very keen on telling his brother about his feelings for Cas. It was one thing admitting his feelings to himself in the quietness of his own head, but to say these things out loud? No freaking way.

 

But maybe he didn't have to tell Sam anything. He wasn't even sure where Cas wanted to go with their feelings now that they were out in the open. Did Cas even want to be with Dean?

 

Dean sighed when the self-loathing thoughts bubbled to the surface with that last question. He shook them away and dialed Sammy's number.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey Sammy, just calling to tell you the job here is done. You were right about the Ceti... Ketu...Kutu...”

 

“Cetus.”

 

“Yeah, that. It's dead now. Cas stabbed it with his angel blade – right through its eye. The fucking head exploded.”

 

“Good to hear you two had fun. When will you be back?”

 

“I guess tonight. Depends on how well Cas is feeling. He got pretty banged up in the fight and his batteries are drained. He needs some time to recover.”

 

“Nothing serious, I hope?” Sam sounded concerned.

 

“No, I don't think so. How's Kevin?”

 

“Better. But you know...”

 

“Yeah...”

 

“So, what's up with Cas? Is he planning to stay with us this time?”

 

“I don't know, man. I think he hasn't figured it out yet. He definitely doesn't want to go back to Heaven. I hope he stays. It's good to have him on our team.”

 

“Maybe you should tell him.”

 

“Tell him what?”

 

“That you want him to stay.”

 

Dean huffed: “You make this sound like something out of a damn chick flick.”

 

“Dean...”

 

“Yeah, yeah, right. I'll talk to him. Happy?”

 

“Yes. See you later, jerk.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

Dean ended his call and walked to the bakery around the corner to get some bagels. He got one for Cas too, just in case. When he went back to the motel room, Cas was still asleep. He was lying on Dean’s side of the bed with the blanket only covering the lower half of his body. While he was sleeping his shirt had ridden up to reveal the tanned skin of his stomach. He still had his arm covering his face and he didn’t even stir when Dean entered the room.

 

“Come on, let's get out of here. You can sleep in the car.”

 

Cas didn't react at all, which Dean found odd. He sat on the corner of the bed and ruffled Cas’s hair: “For a guy who doesn't sleep you certainly enjoy it.”

 

Finally, Cas lifted his arm off of his face and blinked at Dean blearily: “I'm very tired.”

 

“Is it because of your injury?” Dean asked, still concerned that the angel wasn’t getting better as quickly as Dean thought he would.

 

“Yes.”

 

“How are you feeling anyway?”

 

“I'm okay.”

 

Dean thought he couldn't really judge the guy for that answer – he wasn't very good at answering the 'how are you feeling' question either.

 

“So – what do you think? Are you feeling well enough to hit the road? You can sleep in the car, if you like.”

 

Cas sat up slowly on the bed and winced. _So maybe not okay..._

 

“We can go back to Sam.”

 

“Okay, buddy. Let's get you in the car.”

 

Dean steadied Cas as he got up from the bed and noticed that the angel was weaker than he wanted Dean to believe. When he draped Cas's arm around his shoulder to support him he felt Castiel's wing on his back and the warmth that instantly spread through him like a warm blanket. Dean looked over at Cas and smiled at his friend. Cas smiled back, though he did it with an uncertain look on his face. Dean gently ran his finger over Cas’s cheek and leaned in to kiss him.

 

The hunter still couldn’t get over how right and perfect it felt to kiss Cas. If someone would have told him before, that he'd enjoy kissing his angel friend, this someone would have ended up with a shovel in their face. But at the moment he just couldn't think of anything that he would rather do.

 

The only problem was that kissing Cas rapidly grew into more. Dean pushed Castiel back on the bed, groaning and burying his hands into his soft dark hair. Cas eagerly kissed back, seemingly forgetting that they were supposed to restrain themselves until they figured out how the bond was supposed to be completed.

 

Dean couldn't stop. He pushed Cas's shirt up, touching him and letting his fingers slide down to the angel's hipbone – pressing them into the skin to hold the angel down under him. Cas groaned and pulled Dean's shirt off in a quick movement, but then all of a sudden he stopped kissing Dean and held him back with one hand.

 

“Dean...” The angel frowned and squinted his eyes.

 

“What is it?” Dean stood up in alarm, knowing instinctively that something wasn’t right.

 

“There is another angel nearby.”

 

“What?” Dean switched into 'hunter mode' in mere seconds. He pulled his shirt back on in a swift motion and grabbed an angel blade from his duffel bag. Cas stood behind him, his eyebrows furrowed and his blade already in his hand.

 

There was a knock on the door. “Who is it?” Dean asked gruffly.

 

“My name is Ephraim. I need to talk to Castiel. I mean no harm.” The angel’s voice said urgently from behind the door.

 

Dean turned to Cas with a questioning gaze but opened the door slowly after getting a quick nod from him. Ephraim was a young man (well his meat suit was...) with blonde hair and a friendly face.

 

“Hello Castiel,” he greeted with a shy smile.

 

“I remember you, Ephraim. What is a Rit Zien doing on earth?” Cas asked curiously.

 

“I came because I heard your pain. Is there a place we can talk privately? I would like to propose an offer to you.”

 

Dean stepped in between the two angels. “Anything you have to say, you can say in front of me.”

 

Ephraim glanced at Dean in confusion, as if he didn't understand why Dean was talking at all. “This is none of your business, human.”

 

Before Dean could say something that would escalate the situation, Cas interrupted him: “It's okay, Ephraim. You can say what you came to say.”

 

Ephraim stared at the hunter with an irritated look on his face before turning his attention back to Castiel: “I came to heal your injury. But, I also wanted to talk to you about your future. Naomi wants me to give you a message. She wants you to decide if you'll come back to heaven and help to rebuild it or if you wish to die.”

 

Dean’s whole body tensed up and his face was tight with anger. “Is that a threat?” Dean yelled at the other angel.

 

Ephraim's confusion at the hunter was all over his face: “No, it is his decision. I'm a Rit Zien. I can give him a painless death if he wants to end his pain. It's an act of mercy for every broken angel.”

 

“Cas is NOT BROKEN!” Dean shouted at Ephraim. “If you can heal his injury – fine, but no more crap about killing him! Damn it! You angels are such epic dicks sometimes!”

 

Cas laid his hand on Dean's shoulder before he addressed Ephraim again: “I injured my wing and I would appreciated it if you would heal it. I thank you for the message, but at the moment I can't answer any questions about returning to heaven. I haven't decided yet.”

 

Ephraim nodded: “I'll heal your wing, but you should think about Naomi's offer and come back. You have a responsibility to heaven. You should go back where you belong. I knew angels who stayed too long on earth. They fell prey to emotions and got consumed by them. In the end they begged me to erase their existence. This world isn't for us. Emotions aren't for us. They destroy us, Castiel. Please think about what I said. You are important to us.”

 

Dean glanced, looking uncomfortable and worried at the new information they had been presented with, at Cas, who only nodded at Ephraim: “I promise.”

 

The Rit Zien took a few steps forward until he was in front of Castiel and reached for his forehead with two fingers. A bright light erupted from the angels hand and Dean had to turn his head away from them.

 

“Thank you, Ephraim.”

 

“It was my honor. I hope you will come back. I will gladly serve under you again.” And with those words he vanished from one second to the next.

 

Castiel rolled his shoulders and Dean could see his wings again. He spread them out into the room and Dean just watched in awe at how majestic and beautiful they looked. But they also reminded him of what Castiel was. And the words of the other angel worried Dean more than he would have thought. He wondered if emotions really had the power to destroy an angel.

 

Castiel sighed, looking relieved – his wings now invisible again: “That feels better. I'll be ready in a second, just going to change back into my own clothes and then we can leave.” He went to the bathroom, grabbing the trench coat from where it was hanging over a chair.

 

Dean sat down on the bed and watched after him. It was selfish of him to keep Castiel at his side. He knew how responsible Cas felt about heaven. Now he got the chance to go back and help rebuild what he once destroyed. Dean knew that the only reason why Cas didn't follow Ephraim directly to heaven, was that he didn't want to hurt Dean's feelings by leaving him. But what if it was true and emotions slowly did destroy an angel? If he kept Cas on earth would he fall completely; would he stop being an angel? He thought about Cas's future version from 2014 and shuddered. No – he couldn't let this happen. He had to let Cas go.

 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> I didn't expect this to evolve into a larger, multichapter story when I started to write this. I only wanted to write some smut but then this happened... lol. But I'm glad it did. Thank you so much for all your kudos and comments! It's a massive motivation and I try to write as fast as possible. And of course please continue to leave comments and tell me what you think! 
> 
> It isn't easy to write in another language but gladly I got help now!!! I can't thank Drunk_Idjit enough for being my beta on this!!
> 
> THANK YOU!


	3. Where do we go from here?

**Chapter 3: Where do we go from here?**

 

_Why's my heart filled with so much fear?_

_When all that you are is all I need and more_

_\- Deborah Cox // Where do we go from here_

 

“Cas, we need to talk.” Dean was tense and he couldn't look Cas in the eyes when the angel returned from the bathroom.

 

Castiel raised an eyebrow at the seriousness in Dean’s voice. “What is it, Dean?”

 

“I think you should go back to heaven.”

 

There was a stunned silence between both of them as Castiel tried to process what Dean had just said to him. He looked at the hunter, his eyes wide and confused: “Why? I thought you wanted me to stay.”

 

Dean shook his head and looked down to the floor – his hands were clenched into fists: “I want you to get better. I know you, Cas. This guilt is eating you up. Now you have a chance to make everything better. You should go. And I don't know, man... but maybe it's better, if we aren’t near each other. We don't know shit about this bond thing and you don't want to get accidentally bonded to a broken hunter.”

 

Cas's expression was pained as he shook his head slowly: “Dean...”

 

“Just go Cas...Don't make it any harder.” Dean was still looking down at the floor. He just couldn't look Cas in the eyes, afraid that his own emotions would betray him and he would beg Castiel to stay.

 

When Dean finally looked up again, Cas was gone.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

He stood in a bright office with frosted glass walls – a part of Heaven he had never seen before. Sitting at a desk in front of him was a blonde, female angel looking at him with a friendly smile.

 

“Hello Castiel. I'm glad you decided to come back.”

 

“You're Naomi I presume.” Cas asked with a head tilt.

 

“You presume right. I'm responsible for getting you back from Purgatory.”

 

Castiel frowned: “Why? After all the things I did, why didn't you just leave me there?”

 

Naomi stood up from her chair behind her clean desk. She shook her head slowly and took a few steps towards Castiel. “Purgatory is not a place for an angel. You are important, Castiel. You are one of our strongest commanders and now that the archangels are gone we need someone to restore order in Heaven. You've destroyed the natural order and now lesser angels like Bartholomew are trying to gain control. I want to stop them. But I can't do it without your help. The other angels need you, they will follow you – you are our father's favorite. You are the only angel in creation that was resurrected by him.”

 

Cas looked at the floor. He didn't believe that his father resurrected him because he was his favorite. It was a punishment for his crimes. He was brought back to life to feel the guilt and the despair about his sins.

 

But that wasn't important now. He had to take responsibility for his mistakes and to do everything in his power to rebuild Heaven. Dean was right. It was the only way he would forgive himself for the things he had done. Dean would do the same.

 

When he thought about Dean he felt an aching pain in his heart. A selfish voice inside his head screamed to just go back to the hunter – to kiss and hold him – to never let go. He shook his head slightly to get rid of these thoughts. He didn't deserve to be selfish. Dean didn't need a broken angel beside him. He needed him well. He had told him to get better and Castiel chose to respect that.

 

“Castiel?” Naomi's stern voice brought him back from his thoughts. With a confused look he noticed that Naomi had spoken to him but he hadn't listened.

 

“I am sorry,” Cas said sheepishly.

 

Naomi glanced at him for a few seconds with a sore expression before she added: “There is one condition. All the mistakes you did, you did because you were under the influence of emotions like pride and vanity. If you decide to help us, you have to stay in Heaven. You're not allowed to go back to earth.”

 

Castiel’s eyes widened in shock: “No, I'm the Winchester's guardian. I won't leave them.”

 

“I know you don't see it that way because of your feelings for them, but the Winchesters are a bad influence on you. I also know about your feelings for Michael's vessel.”

 

Cas drew in a sharp breath and looked down at the floor again.

 

“Castiel, these feelings – love... We aren't meant to have those. They will destroy you... I don't want to hurt you, but let me show you something. Let me show you your future, if you decide to stay with the human.”

 

Naomi pressed a button on her desk and a few tiles of the wall turned into a screen. The screen showed Dean sitting at a bar. He was drunk as far as Cas could tell. A good looking blonde woman walked up to him and laid her arms around the hunter's shoulders. Cas clenched his fists and looked away.

 

“That is not real.”

 

Naomi shook her head: “Actually this is happening right now.” The image changed and Cas could see that Dean was a few years older.

 

“This is your future,” Naomi told him with a soft voice.

 

The hunter had a few gray strands in his hair. Castiel could see himself standing next to him. He looked older and more human. They looked happy, but then the image changed and they were fighting against some demons. Castiel watched himself as he got badly injured. The image changed again. Cas was lying on a bed – looking pale and ill. Dean was at his side, his face contorted with pain. Then Dean was slumped against a wall in a dark room, looking extremely drunk. Castiel watched images of a broken Dean wandering through the night with an empty bottle of whiskey calling a demon at a crossroad and begging him for something. The demon agreed and took Dean's soul.

 

Cas made a broken and choked sound as he watched hellhounds ripping Dean apart. He saw the human Castiel suddenly healed and desperately looking for Dean – and finding him at this crossroad. He watched himself breaking and dying at his own hands with his angel blade.

 

The screen went dark and a tear fell down from Castiel's face onto the lapels of his trench coat. Naomi looked at him with a compassionate gaze. He didn't know if she meant it or not, but it didn't matter.

 

“The pain you feel right now, is the pain that will destroy you. But if you stay here it will go away.”

 

“But this isn't real. The future changes all the time. There aren't many things that are fixed.” Castiel didn't want to believe that this was Dean's and his future. This couldn't be happening.

 

Naomi glanced at the floor: “No, this is one possibility, but the others aren't any better. You will always end up alone and in pain. Dean is human, he will grow old and he will die. If you remain an angel you will carry the pain of his loss for the rest of your life – for eternity. And it will only get worse. And if you choose to live as a human you won't be able to protect him. You will die and destroy him too.”

 

She stepped in front of him and gazed at him openly: “You have to choose, Castiel. Us or him.”

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean couldn't believe this girl. He had already told her he wasn't interested, but she still came back, putting her arms around him and whispering dirty suggestions in his ear. He had pushed her away softly but determined: “Look, you seem like an awesome lady, but I'm really not in the mood. So please just leave me alone, okay?” He took another sip of his whiskey and tried to ignore the pouting of the blonde girl next to him.

 

“Maybe I could get you in the mood. A pretty man like you shouldn't look so sad.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and gave her a stern look: “I. AM. NOT. INTERESTED.”

 

The girl sighed and her eyes suddenly turned black for a short moment: “Okay, I get it,Winchester. I'm not here for playing anyways. My boss wants to see you.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow at her: “Yeah, I don't care so fuck off and hope I don't catch up with you, when I finish my drink.”

 

The demon gave him an uncertain look, but then decided to leave the bar a tad faster than her red high heels allowed. She stumbled and crashed into the door frame, before she made it, finally, through the door.

 

Dean would have laughed about that, but he felt empty. He could only think about being alone again and that Cas would probably never return to him. His old companion was back. The fear of being left alone by everyone he cared about. That they will see him as the broken and empty shell he was.

 

Castiel didn't follow him through the portal in Purgatory. His love for him wasn't strong enough to stay at his side, why should it be strong enough now for him to come back. After all Dean was only a human. And not even a very good example of it.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

He always loved this particular piece of heaven with the autistic man flying his kite. It was peaceful. It brought calm to his roiling heart – a calm he desperately needed after his conversation with Naomi and the things she had shown him.

 

“Hello Castiel.” An angel with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes smiled down on him.

 

“Hello Sariel. How are you?”

 

“I'm fine, thank you. You're not fine though. I could hear your pain from everywhere.”

 

Castiel smiled sadly: “I'm sorry to have caused you discomfort. I must be a beacon to all Rit Zien in heaven.”

 

Sariel smiled: “Not to everyone. Most of us only feel the physical pain of other angels. But to be fair, there aren't many angels who suffer from a broken heart.”

 

Castiel gazed at her warily. He didn’t know Sariel very much, nor her opinions on humans, but she reassured him with a friendly smile.

  
“Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. I know how you feel. Maybe this is the reason why I can hear your pain. I once loved a human.” She gazed at the red flowers next to her. There was a sadness in her eyes as if she was remembering something she didn’t want to think about.

 

“What happened?”

 

She shook her head: “It doesn't matter – it's long in the past. What's important now is what you will do about your heart?”

 

“Naomi told me the feeling will go away if I never return to earth. That we're not meant to have these feelings – that they destroy us.”

 

“That's a lie, Castiel. We aren't used to having feelings, but we have them. We were trained by angels like Naomi to forget them – so that we could be the perfect soldiers, who will never doubt their orders. But we have emotions. We can love.”

 

Castiel thought about her words. It made sense. He remembered getting punished by Heaven the first time he doubted his orders. He started to doubt them when his feelings for Dean grew into something more.

 

“Do you know anything about a bond between a human and an angel by any chance?” Castiel asked curiously.

 

Sariel eyes went wide: “You mean a soul bond?”

 

Cas nodded: “I'm just curious.”

 

Sariel grinned: “Of course. Well, as you know it's forbidden, but that didn't stop a few angels in the past. After all, it meant you could spend eternity with your love. Humans have free will, which means they can fall prey to the temptations of Hell. If a human is bonded with an angel, the human's soul will go to heaven after his or her death even if they sinned. That's one of the reasons why it is forbidden. The other one is that you can read each other's emotions and thoughts. It's a doorway to corrupt an angel if you believe the lie that angels can go crazy if they choose to feel again.”

 

Castiel nodded: “Do you know how to bond with a human?”

 

Sariel looked around them: “Meet me in an hour at Joshua's garden and I will tell you, Castiel. Be sure that no one is following you.”

 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:   
> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos. I'm so happy and it's a big motivation for me to keep the chapters coming. I love to hear your thoughts about the story, so please please continue to comment!
> 
> I couldn't do this without drunk_idjit, who is an absolutely amazing beta and support on this story! Thank you!


	4. You have a choice

**Chapter 4: You have a choice**

 

_You've been the only thing that's right_

_In a life time_

 

_Light up, light up_

_As if you have a choice_

_Even if you cannot hear my voice_

_I'll be right beside you, dear_

 

_Leona Lewis - Run_

 

 

He was drunk. Like really, really hammered. The kind of drunk where you end up doing stupid things that you thought were a brilliant idea at the time, not that there was a lot of thinking involved, and ended up regretting the next morning.

 

Dean slumped down into the backseat of the Impala and took a deep breath, trying to get his head to stop spinning so much. At least he wasn't stupid enough to drive, but that didn't mean he couldn't do other stupid things.

 

Like praying. To Cas...

 

Because now that the alcohol had killed every good intention he had to let Cas go, his lower instincts started to take over the stage.

 

“Cassss... You got your ears on?” His voice sounded messed up and his speech was slurred. But he knew Cas would understand him anyway.

 

“Listen, you know I'm not one for praying 'cause in my book it's the same as begging. But this is important, okay? So I need you to hear me...”

 

He chuckled suddenly and added: “Well I guess that's not true, right? _I'm not one for praying?_ Cause you know better, don't you? I prayed to you every day in Purgatory.... Yeah good times...”

 

He fell silent after that, his thoughts caught deep in his memories.

 

_He was sitting alone under a tree surrounded by pitch black darkness. A nasty vampire had attacked him earlier and he only had an improvised weapon in the shape of a thick branch to kill it. It had been messy. He was exhausted, leaning against a rough tree and looking up into the empty night sky._

 

“ _Cas... Where the hell are you, man?” The hunter looked around to see if Cas would magically appear at his side but nothing happened. It was quiet._

 

“ _I hope you're okay. I will find you, Cas. Just keep fighting and be careful... Be careful... Don't make me lose you.”_

 

_Dean ran his fingers through his hair and inhaled deeply. A tear made its way over his dirty face._

 

“ _I need you. Don't leave me here alone.”_

 

A choked sound brought Dean back from this memory. It took him a minute to realize that he was crying.

 

His voice was soft, barely above a whisper, when he continued praying to Cas: “I'm selfish, you know? Telling you that I need you. Never asked what you need... I know, you don't need a broken hunter.”

 

Dean angrily wiped away the tears from his face and shook his head to clear his thoughts. His heart was beating fast and he tried to calm himself to get the things he wanted to say across to Cas.

 

The hunter grinned suddenly: “Do you remember when you told me, you're not here to perch on my shoulder? I never told you, but you still gave me the feeling of having my own guardian angel. That you were somewhere watching over me and the world was a little less scary and dark. As cheesy as it sounds. When I was a kid my mother told me, that angels are watching over me. I guess she was right.”

 

Dean shrugged and let his head fall to the fogged window. His fingertips drew uncoordinated lines in it, lines that finally formed into a “C”. “I guess, what I wanted to say is, that I miss you. But I want you to get better. So do your thing and if it's okay for you and if you really want to...”

 

He closed his eyes – tiredness finally hitting him and dragged his mind into a soothing blackness.

 

“... come back to me, Cas,” he whispered in his sleep against the cold glass. A single tear fell on the fogged window and ran through the letter the hunter had drawn there.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Joshua's garden was the most tranquil and divine place in heaven. A place where angels used to go to seek revelation. But that was a long time ago and now it was the perfect place to be alone. Cas wandered on a little stone path through colorful flowers and dark green trees, when he felt Dean's prayer. It started with a strong longing sensation, before he could hear the actual words. He leaned against a tree, closed his eyes and listened to Dean's voice in his head.

 

Dean's prayers weren't the most eloquent ones and Cas furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed that Dean was obviously inebriated while he prayed to him. He felt that Dean wanted to tell him something important, something the hunter had difficulties getting out. He knew humans often used alcohol to achieve a certain amount of bravery when they had to tell someone they cared about something important.

 

There was a pause in his prayer where Cas thought that Dean may have fallen asleep but then he heard his voice again. Cas huffed in frustration when he heard Dean's next words. The hunter still didn't think he deserved anything good. How could he think that Cas didn't need Dean? Cas just wished he had realized that fact sooner – it may had saved them a lot of trouble in the past.

 

The angel's frustration vanished quickly when he heard Dean's next words. Dean missed him, he wanted him back. A small smile appeared on his face as a feeling of happiness spread throughout his whole body. How could feeling like this be a threat to any angel?

 

Cas chose to believe that Sariel was right, but that didn't make his situation any easier. He still needed to help Heaven. After all he was responsible for its state. He still wasn't sure what the right decision was. Free will was a pain in the ass sometimes and his track record with it wasn't the best.

 

His heart ached when he heard Dean's last words. He felt his wings twitch because he longed to fly to Dean. But that wasn't why Dean had prayed to him. He didn't expect him to come back right now. The hunter wanted him to sort out his problems and Cas had to decide what to do.

 

But first things first. He was very interested in learning more about the soul bond and how to complete it. He still didn't know what he would do with this information, but it could be the answer to avoid everything Naomi showed him in the possible future for him and Dean.

 

He walked further through the forest and flowers until he reached a little clearing where Sariel sat on a bench already waiting for him. He sat next to her and returned the friendly smile she gave to him.

 

“You look constricted.”

 

“There are a lot of things that I have to think about. I'm in a complicated situation.”

 

Sariel nodded and closed her eyes for a few seconds. “You may think she is giving you a choice, Castiel.” The blonde angel looked at him and Cas could see so many different emotions in her eyes like compassion, determination and pain. “Don't trust her. She only wants to use you. If you decide to go back to Earth, she will hunt you down and bring you back with force. She will brain wash you until you do everything she wants. That's what they do with angels who disobey.”

 

Cas nodded: “I know, Sariel. She told me that she needs me to gain control over Heaven. Having me on her team would give her a strategic advantage. I’m aware that my presence is crucial to her success and I have already suspected that she wouldn’t let me go if I decided not to help. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve rebelled against Heaven, now would it?” Castiel gave her a short, mirthless smile.

 

She looked at him with a pained expression: “Castiel...”

 

“But on the other hand she has a point. I did ruin everything and I should stay and help rebuild the order before Heaven is confronted with a civil war.”

 

Sariel gave him a sad smile: “But who chooses what the right order in Heaven should look like? Naomi? She wants us to go back to being emotionless drones. I never want to be like that again. I know love. And I never want to forget.”

 

Castiel looked at her again and wondered for a second time what Sariel's story was. He nodded and sighed defeatedly: “Choices... I guess next to Gabriel I was the angel who stayed the longest on Earth and I'm still bad at making decisions. And it seems like all my major choices revolve around Dean.”

 

“And at these points in your life, how did you decide?”

 

“Being there for Dean was the only thing that was always right in my life. There was only one time I decided to go without him and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made.”

 

“Then you should stick to that choice, Castiel. It's obviously the right one.” She smiled at him and for a second she looked so much younger and without the everlasting sadness in her eyes.

 

Castiel returned her smile and looked at the colorful flowers growing next to him for a while to gather strength for his next question. “You said you had information about the soul bond.”

 

Sariel looked around as if to check if someone was coming, but Cas would have noticed if any other angel was nearby.

 

“There is a ritual to bond a human soul to your grace. But there is one thing I haven't told you, Castiel...”

 

Castiel frowned at her sudden hesitation: “What is it?”

 

Sariel sighed sadly: “It only works if you're soul mates. If you're meant to be.”

 

“How can we be soul mates? We don't have souls,” Cas asked hesitantly.

 

Sariel grinned: “It's one of Heaven's most guarded secrets – we can have soul mates. Our grace takes the role as a soul in this bond. What I'm trying to say is that if you try that ritual with your human it may not work if you're not meant to be.”

 

Castiel nodded: “I already, though accidentally, initialized a bond with Dean. I guess that means we're meant to be...” Castiel's eyes went wide with that realization. “That means...”

 

“You are right, Castiel,” a deep voice suddenly said next to them.

 

Sariel and Cas startled at Joshua's sudden appearance, who stood there with his hands behind his back smiling at both angels. Castiel didn't know how the angel could have snuck up on them without him noticing. He wondered how much of their conversation Joshua had overheard.

 

“Castiel. It is good to see you again.” Joshua greeted him friendlily.

 

“As it is to see you,” Cas said with a guarded posture as he stood up and placed himself in between Sariel and Joshua.

“So you finally understand. You know this is one of the reasons He brings you back all the time.”

 

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked, squinting his eyes in confusion.

 

“It's your reward, Castiel. You and that Winchester boy never claimed it. You both saved the world and He rewarded you both with the greatest gift there is to give. With love.”

 

“How can you know that? Father is gone.”

 

Joshua smiled mysteriously: “He still speaks to me at times.”

 

Cas shared a confused look with Sariel before he gazed back at Joshua: “So what should I do? I can't just go back to Dean. I destroyed Heaven. I have to fix my mistake.”

 

“It's all about choices, Castiel. What you still have to learn is that there aren’t always just two options that you have to choose between. Sometime there is also a third option.”

 

“I don't understand,” Cas told him, barely hiding the frustration in his voice.

 

“Oh, but you will,” Joshua smiled at him and a second later he was gone.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean woke up with a dry mouth and a headache. He wanted to rub his eyes, but when he lifted his arms they bumped into a painful, cold resistance.Dean groaned and realized that he was restrained in handcuffs in an uncomfortable metal chair.

 

“Look who finally graces us with his presence,” a British voice sneered at him. _Crowley._

 

“Oh, great...,” Dean rolled his eyes. “Okay spill it! What do you want? I have a hangover to nurse.”

 

Crowley grinned: “I want the other half of the demon tablet.”

 

“Not going to happen.” Dean sighed – his headache was killing him.

 

A sudden pained scream echoed through the halls of the abandoned factory where Dean was obviously held captive. Dean raised an eyebrow at Crowley: “Looks like I'm not the only guest you have here.”

 

“Nothing you have to worry about. It's not a human guest. So I'm asking again, where is the other half of the demon tablet?”

 

“What do you want to do Crowley, huh? Torture me? You know that this isn't going to work.”

 

Crowley grinned and leaned back into his chair across from him: "What's the line? 'Saving people, hunting things. The family business.' Well I think, the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused... The one thing that allows you to sleep at night - the one thing is knowing these folks are out there. Still out there. Happy and healthy because of you. You great big bloody heroes. They're your life's work and I am going to rip it apart. Piece by piece. Because I can. Because you can't stop me. Because when they're all gone, what will you have left?"

 

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked irritated.

 

“Isn't it obvious? I'm talking about killing everyone you ever saved. I'm gonna gut one person every twelve hours until you bring me the other half of the demon tablet. So what I will do is, I will let you go back to Moose and then you call me when you have the other half ready to give back to me.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes and nodded. He couldn't do anything else. He had to go back to Sammy and they had to make a plan. He heard the scream of the other captive again, but didn’t have much time to think about it because stunt demon number two, who was standing behind Crowley during his little speech hit him in his face and everything went black.

 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: 
> 
> Yeah, SPN is back on telly and I'm so happy. I really enjoy writing this fanfiction and I'm so thrilled about your comments and kudos! @drunk_idjit Thanks again for you amazing help on this!!!
> 
> I will be in the UK for a week, but after that short hiatus I'll try to continue writing as fast as possible!


	5. Bad Timing

**Chapter 5: Bad Timing**

 

_Sometimes we're holding angels_

_And we never even know_

_Don't know if we'll make it,_

_But we know,_

_We just can't let it show_

 

_Ross Copperman – Holding on and letting go_

 

 

Castiel was back in Naomi's office and waiting for her to show up – which was annoying because she had called him and now she was letting him wait. Sariel and his conversation about Joshua's mysterious words still left him clueless about what he should do but at least the words gave him comfort and hope for a good solution to solve his problems.

 

Now he knew everything he needed to know to perform the bonding ritual. Sariel had given him written instructions, which he memorized and then destroyed in order to keep both of them out of trouble. He was right about fornication being one of the steps, but that alone wouldn’t have completed the bonding. It had to be a conscious decision from both parties, and they needed to do a ritual for it to work.

 

So there wouldn’t be any consequences if he were to share a bed with Dean. Cas couldn’t help but smile as the thought left a tingly feeling throughout his whole body.

 

“Castiel, we have a situation,” Naomi said as she entered the office, the urgency in her tone snapping Castiel out of his thoughts. “Samandriel has been captured.”

 

“I thought Samandriel was dead.”

 

“He's been missing and now we know Crowley has him.”

 

Cas took a step towards Naomi: “Where?”

 

“His distress call cut out before I could pinpoint his exact location. But you will find him and you will bring him home.”

 

“Crowley will have warded against angels this time. I'll need help getting in.”

 

“Take whatever you need! This is too important and you are our strongest angel.”

 

“You realize that I will go to the Winchesters for help.” Castiel told her with a raised eyebrow.

 

Naomi ground her teeth and her expression was tense: “I am aware, but in this case we do not have a choice. You have to save him, Castiel.”

 

Cas nodded: “I will.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Dean we have to hurry,” Sam shouted at Dean as he threw his duffel bag in the trunk of the Impala.

 

Dean nodded and gave Kevin, who looked downright horrible, a small pat on the shoulder – hopefully to encourage the boy: “Garth will come back soon, so you won't be on your own for very long.”

 

After Crowley had kidnapped Kevin they decided that one hunter should always stay at his side. Since Garth was on a hunt Sammy looked after him on the hunter's houseboat but against Crowley Dean needed his brother at his side.

  
“It's okay. I'll manage. Go save these people,” Kevin answered with a tired voice.

 

Will do, kiddo,’ Dean grinned at him as he made his way to his car. They had to be careful, Crowley was being too cocky, he had even texted them the address of his first victim. But they would stop him, he was sure of it. They would be there before any demons could lay their hands on whoever they planned on killing.

 

The fact that Crowley would go through so much trouble for only half a demon tablet didn’t sit well with Dean. He wondered why Crowley didn’t just try to exchange him for the tablet earlier when he had been kidnapped. A vicious voice inside his head supplied him with an answer. Maybe Crowley was worried that Sam wouldn’t make the deal, knowing Sam didn’t even try to look for him when he was in Purgatory.

 

 _Not helping_.

 

Dean just wanted to get in the car but then he heard a swooshing sound behind him – the familiar sound of angel wings.

 

“Hello Dean.”

 

Dean whirled around and nearly bumped into Cas who had materialized behind him right into his personal space. He stared dumbfoundedly at him for a few seconds before he stuttered a disbelieving: “Cas...?”

 

The angel smiled at him, but quickly turned serious again: “I need your help.”

 

“Bad timing, Cas. We're in a life or death situation here and the clock's ticking.” Dean looked over at Sam who just left the car again to greet Cas with a short wave.

 

“What happened?” Cas asked, sounding concerned.

 

“Crowley happened. He wants to kill everyone we've ever saved if we don't give him the other half of the demon tablet. The cocky bastard even texted us the address of his first victim. We can’t let him do this.” Dean explained to the angel who was still standing right in his personal space, not that Dean minded. On the contrary, he was having a hard time holding himself back from grabbing Cas and pulling him into a hug. But Sam was standing next to them and he couldn’t turn into a girl right in front of his brother.

 

“I see. Crowley also has kidnapped Samandriel and is torturing him. He won't survive any longer if I don't go rescue him. I’ve killed so many angels, I must save at least this one, Dean. I can't do it without your help.”

 

Dean sighed and then his eyes went wide with realization: “That must be Crowley's other 'guest'. I think I heard Sam... um Alfie when Crowley kidnapped me.”

 

“Crowley kidnapped you?” Cas asked shocked.

 

Dean shrugged: “Yeah, but he just wanted to talk. The point is that I kind of know where he is holding the kid angel. But we still have to go to this address to save whoever is living there.”

 

Cas nodded: “I may have a solution for that.” The angel looked towards heaven and a second later another angel was standing next to them. She was a beautiful blonde woman with a friendly smile.

 

“You called, Castiel?” She smiled at them.

 

Cas nodded: “Would you mind accompanying Sam Winchester to an address and help him rescue an innocent human?”

 

“I would love to help,” Sariel grinned as Cas looked to Sam and nodded: “Her name is Sariel and she is a very good friend. She will protect and help you if that is alright? We can regroup after we've rescued Samandriel and see what we can do.”

 

Sam shrugged: “Sounds good to me. Dean, you should take some of these demon bombs with you, just in case. I'll call you if anything happens.”

 

Dean nodded, not very keen to leave his brother alone with some unknown angel to deal with what was obviously a trap set by Crowely, but Cas needed his help and he would do anything to help him. And if Cas trusted that angel, maybe she wasn't that bad. Actually she reminded him a lot of his mom.

 

He shook the thoughts off and cleared his throat: “Okay, just be careful. I'll be back with you as soon as I can manage.”

 

“What can go wrong? We both have an angel up our sleeve,” Sam smiled and Sariel walked next to him to put her hands on his shoulder: “Wow, you are large.”

 

Sam grinned at her and they vanished.

 

“Okay, let's go. The faster we rescue Heaven's most adorable angel the better.”

 

Castiel frowned and tilted his head, when Dean glanced back at his friend. The hunter couldn't suppress a grin when he saw Castiel's reaction: “Awww, don't be like that. You know I like you the best.”

 

Cas smiled shyly at that and followed Dean onto the houseboat. Kevin looked at him in surprise. "Something happen?"

 

“No, just a change of plan. We need some more of this demon TNT.”

 

Kevin nodded: “I only have a hand full left. We need more ingredients to make new ones.”

 

“I will collect everything you need as soon as we're back,” Cas promised as he waited for Dean to collect the last demon bombs from a bag.

 

“See you later, Kevin. Don't do anything I wouldn't do,” Dean grinned and walked back to Cas who was still waiting for Dean at the entrance of the boat.

 

The angel touched the hunter's shoulder and after a little disorientation he found himself behind a long fence in front of an abandoned factory. Dean got his binoculars out of his bag and checked the building. “I can see five hell monkeys. That's too many for me alone. Since I know Crowley, there will be twice as many in there. What's your plan?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes: “I could take out the demons on the outside. The wardings just don't allow me to enter the building.”  


“I could lure out as many demons as possible, and while I do that I can get rid of the wardings inside.”

“That sounds like a good plan.” Cas pulled a pen out of his trench coat and took Dean's hand. He drew a symbol in his open palm. “That's the symbol you have to destroy. There should be four of them on the north, east, south and western wall.”

 

This was really not the time for Dean to get aroused just by Cas holding his hand. But he couldn't help but take in a deep, shuddered breath when Cas's fingers brushed slightly over his fingertips. The hunter felt like he was turning into a girl, but he hadn't seen Cas for a few days and he was allowed to be glad to be near him again, right?

 

The good thing was that Cas looked like he had thought the same. Dean gave him an open smile, which the angel returned tentatively. It was nice to see him smile. He didn't do that very often and Dean planned to change that in the future.

 

“It's good to see you again,” Dean told him still smiling before he looking back to the demons on the rooftop. “Okay, then...”

 

Dean gripped his knife and started to walk towards the back entrance when Cas held him back. “Wait.”

 

“What is it, Cas?” Dean asked concerned when he saw Cas's serious and helpless expression. “After that, we need to talk. There is a lot I have learned about our current situation.”

 

Dean gazed at him for a few seconds in confusion, but then realization dawned on his face: “Oh, you mean... Oh... I hope it's good news?” His voice was suddenly more quieter and he sounded concerned.

 

Cas smiled warmly: “Yes, I believe so.” Dean couldn't help but smile back at him. Cas smiling was infectious and always took his breath away. He grabbed Castiel's neck and pulled him in to kiss him. He had planned a short kiss but it was ridiculous how fast he got turned on by this. It was Cas who pulled away after a few minutes – his pupils were blown large and his chest heaved rapidly with heavy panting: “We should be going.”

 

“Yeah...yeah,” Dean cleared his throat and nodded: “Okay, I'll go in now.”

 

“Be careful.”

 

Cas vanished and a few seconds later Dean saw a bright light on the roof of the building. The hunter ran towards a metal door and tried to open it. It was locked, but it only took a few seconds for Dean to jimmy it open. With a spray can in one hand and the demon knife in the other he walked down the corridor, when he heard footsteps running towards him. He ducked behind a container, just in time before 2 demons ran around the corner of the corridor. They didn't see him and went straight to the door where Dean came in through a few seconds ago. Dean decided to let them run into Cas and went further down the hallway as soon as the demons where outside. He spotted the first symbol right away and sprayed it over, when he heard the demons scream on the outside. Sounded like they found Cas.

 

Dean grinned and jogged further down the hall and around the corner to find the next symbol. Four demons were standing in front of it and they had already spotted him. Dean grinned and grabbed a little bag from his pocket. He lighted it up with his Zippo and when the demons approached him, he threw it at them: “Here, catch!” The bag exploded in a burst of light and fire and the demons obliterated into shadows on the wall behind them.

 

He just loved these demon bombs.

 

Dean destroyed the symbol on the wall with his spray can. Just two to go. At this moment he could hear Samandriel screaming. It sounded awful and he suddenly just knew they wouldn't have much time to rescue him. He ran around the corner, when he got jumped by a demon that had waited for him. They tumbled onto the floor and Dean's spray can slipped out of his hand and rolled under a container. Dean punched the demon with his now empty hand and tried to push him away. The demon grunted but didn't move. He just pressed his other wrist down and tried to make Dean lose his grip on the blade. Dean kicked his shin so hard that he could hear a satisfying crack. The hunter grinned as the demon yelped and Dean took his chance to push him off himself. He buried the demon knife deep into the demon's stomach and looked hastily around to see if there were more of them. He couldn't see anyone, but he knew better then to feel safe. He retrieved the spray can from under the container and ran to next symbol to spray it over. Only one symbol left.

 

He slowly approached the next corner and looked around. He could see the last symbol on an iron door. Behind that door was the captured angel – he could hear him scream even through that solid metal door. He had to be careful because there were a few corners and hiding spots ahead where he could get attacked by demons.

 

Dean carefully approached the symbol and started painting over it with black. “Anytime now Cas...”

 

That’s when he got jumped by another demon that started strangling him from behind. Dean tried to pull himself free and to pull his attacker over his shoulder but his grip was iron hard. He felt his strength draining out of him when the air in his lungs vanished. Suddenly the grip around his throat loosened and the demon behind him screamed before he fell lifelessly to the ground.

 

Cas was standing behind him, hunched over – his expression contorted with pain and with blood dripping from his angel blade. “Thank you, Cas. Are you okay?” Dean put his hand on his shoulder to steady his friend. Cas nodded: “The other sigils... I'm not in complete power...”

 

“I can get rid of them...”

 

“No! Wait. There's no time. Samandriel won't last much longer!”

 

Dean nodded and tried to open the door by using his lock pick. It didn’t work and he saw Cas slumping against the wall behind him, panting hard and in obvious pain. He took a few steps back and ran with all the power he had into the door. He heard the hinges cracking and tried it a second time. The door finally succumbed to his weight and opened with a burst. A demon in a white scrub stared back at him in shock. In front of that demon was Alfie who he had tortured by sticking screws into his head. The demon grabbed a knife from a table and attacked Dean who kept him at bay with his own knife. Cas ran to Alfie and carefully freed him from the needles and straps that were holding the angel down. When the angel recognized Castiel his eyes went wide before a look of relief came over him. Cas laid a hand on his face to reassure him – to tell him that he was safe now.

 

Dean had pinned down the demon and was about to stab him when he shouted: “Wait, wait! I know things!”

 

Dean squinted his eyes and looked back at Castiel who had finally freed Samandriel from the chair.

  
“Cas, go!” He shouted and Cas took the smaller angel and vanished.

 

“So what do you know?” Dean yelled at the demon.

 

“I know what Crowley was looking for,” the demon carefully answered.

 

“Tell me!” Dean pushed the knife on the demons throat to underline the threat.

 

“He's looking for the other tablets, okay....? Please don't kill me.”

 

“What other tablets?”

 

“The angel tablet...”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow and lowered his hold on the demon below him. The demon sighed in relief, but then Dean just turned his knife and drove it into the demons chest.

 

The hunter left the building to try to find Cas, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen. He guessed he had brought Samandriel back to Heaven and would come back later so he pulled out his phone to call his brother.

 

He answered his phone after a few seconds.

 

“Dean, is everything alright?”

 

“Yeah, I was just about to ask the same. We got Alfie out and Cas brought him back. How's it going on your front?”

 

“You remember Jenny Klein? Crowley killed her and left a phone with another address. It was Sarah's. We got to her in time and Sariel saved her. Crowley had put a hex bag into the cell phone so that it would have been us that took the deadly spell into her apartment. Her death would have been our fault. Sariel found the hex bag in a second and destroyed it. I guess Crowley hadn't planned that we'd have angelic assistants.”

 

Dean let out a sigh of relief: “That's good. Can we meet up? I don't know when Cas is coming back and I left the Impala at the house boat.”

 

“Sure. We'll be there in a second.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Ephraim took Samandriel out of Castiel's arms as Cas arrived at Naomi's office. He thought Ephraim would heal the angel, but instead his hand glowed in a pinkish light and Samandriel turned into a cloud of pink dust in less than a second.

 

“NOOOOOOOO!” Castiel shouted in shock.

 

Naomi looked at him with an annoyed expression: “He was broken and he revealed our most guarded secret.”

 

Cas just could stared at her in disbelief: “What...?”

 

“The angel tablet, Castiel! And now Crowley knows. We have to make plans.”

 

Cas shook his head: “No, I won't listen to you anymore. You just killed Samandriel.”

 

Naomi narrowed her eyes and nodded to two other angels who just appeared in her office. They grabbed Castiel in a tight grip. “I've had enough of your disobedience. I don't have to explain myself to you. Throw him into a cell. I have to think about what I'll do with him.”

 

Cas tried to push himself free but one of the angels holding him pressed an angel blade to his throat. Cas glared at Naomi: “You're making a big mistake.”

 

Naomi made a hand gesture and the two angels dragged Cas out of her office.

 

That was the moment that Castiel suddenly realized what Joshua meant about a third option. He would help to get order back in Heaven but not under Naomi's terms. And he would do it with Dean's help as soon as he got out of his current situation.

 

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> A big thank you to all who left kudos and have written comments. You keep me going and I hope you all still like the story. I hope you'll like this chapter as well and yeah: pls,pls, pls tell me what you think!
> 
> Can't believe Cas and Dean are separated again.. Arghhh... I torture myself with that story... Special thanks to my lovely beta reader drunk_idjit who is aaaaaaaawwwweeessoooooooooooooome. <3


	6. I need you

**Chapter 6: I need you**

 

_You're the hope that moves me_

_To courage again_

_You're the love that rescues me_

 

_LeAnn Rimes – I need you_

 

When Sariel brought them both back to the houseboat, Cas was still nowhere in sight. The blonde angel expressed concern that Cas wasn’t back with them yet. Dean had reassured her that he was probably busy fixing things in heaven, but she wasn’t entirely convinced – neither was Dean, if he had to be honest. He had a bad feeling about this. Sariel must have sensed this, because she touched his hand comfortingly as she told him that she would find out what happened with him and that she would come back as soon as she knew.

 

Dean had been restless since then. He was wearing the carpet thin, walking up and down the length of the houseboat, clapping his hands nervously and annoying Kevin like hell with his behavior. The prophet soon decided that listening to some music would block out Dean’s restlessness, and it did seemed to work just fine for him. Sam, however, didn’t have this luxury so it didn’t take him too long to lose his cool and start shouting at his brother: “Dean!? Stop it!”

 

Dean gave him an annoyed look: “I can't help it, man. I can't sit here doing nothing. Cas isn't coming back and we haven't heard from Crowley. I'm sure he's planning something. He's probably looking for the angel tablet as we speak and I don't think we should let him keep it.”

 

“You’re right, but without Kevin he can’t do jack with it. So all we can do is wait until we find something.” Sam turned the page of his newspaper and showed it to Dean: “How about a little hunt while we wait. Look, this sounds like something. Michigan, dude got ripped limb from limb inside of his locked apartment.”

 

Dean nodded: “That's not good.”

 

“Working a case, as long as we don't hear anything new from Kevin, Crowley or Cas, that's what we do.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

They settled into the hotel room and Sam went out to pick up some food while Dean checked the internet and news to research their new case. He couldn’t concentrate though, and soon he was sighing in frustration, getting up to go sit on his bed instead. He rubbed his face with his hands and stared up at the ceiling.

  
“Cas? I don't know what happened. I guess there's a good reason that you didn't come back yet. I just hope you're okay, man.”

 

Dean stood up again and walked a few paces through the motel room: “Also we could use your help on some stuff we learned about Crowley, so it would be really awesome if you could come back soon.”

 

Dean rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair: “I need you. Where are you, man?” Dean looked around hopefully, but Cas didn’t show up. “Fuck!”

 

He just knew something was wrong and it was killing him. He got back to his laptop at the table and buried his head in his hands. Was Cas in trouble? He was pretty sure he would have heard from him by now, if he would have just been busy. He wouldn't let Dean wait like that. Not if he could help it, of that Dean was sure.

 

Sam got back and took in the state of his brother in a few seconds. “You alright?”

 

“Yeah, I'm good...” Sam raised an eyebrow and Dean knew what his brother thought of that answer.

 

“Dean, talk to me,” Sam sighed in frustration.

 

“I'm fine Sammy, quit it!” Dean answered sharply. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his feelings. Sam responded by giving him his patented bitch face and taking a seat in front of his brother, staring at him before saying: “I left Amelia. For good. I decided to come back into this life and hunt with you, but on one condition. I have to know what’s going on in your head. We’re partners Dean, and your problems are my problems. So don’t block me out and just talk to me.”

 

Dean closed his eyes and counted to ten inwardly. “It has nothing to do with hunting,” he said as calmly as possible.

 

“So you admit that you have something on your mind.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and fetched a beer from the cooler. “I don't wanna talk about it.”

 

“Can you at least tell me why?” Sam asked exasperatedly.

 

Dean took a large sip from his beer to give himself some time. He hated that Sam prodded him like this, not just because he didn’t want to talk about his feelings, he really didn’t know where to begin or what to even tell him. He certainly didn’t want to tell Sam about his feelings for Cas.

 

He knew he had to give Sam something because his brother was right about his terms. He would ask his brother to do the same if he knew that he was having trouble with something. And they did make each other that promise to not keep secrets from each other anymore. He couldn’t demand that Sam always be truthful about everything and then not do it himself.

 

“I just don't know what to tell you. I still haven't figured it out, yet. Can you live with that?”

 

Sam sighed defeatedly and lifted his hands in surrender: “Okay Dean, but promise me you'll talk to me when you figure it out.”

 

“Is this chick flick moment over, now?”

 

Sam rolled his eyes and pointed to his laptop: “Did you find anything?”

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

This case had been kind of awesome. They met up with Charlie again, met a real fairy, and to top it all – Dean mostly got to walk around in medieval armor and helped protect the kingdom (or more like queendom) of Moondor. But, as fun as it was, he couldn’t stop thinking about Cas. The hunter worried about him so much that even Charlie tried to talk to him to figure out what was wrong.

 

He tried to pull himself together but it always ended in him drinking more beer at the end of the night than he should have been drinking. His brother’s worried glances were becoming more frequent and he knew it wouldn’t be much longer until he started asking questions again.

 

Fortunately at this point their lost granddad tumbled through a wardrobe so Dean didn't have to deal with Sam's worried questions about his feelings, because this case left them with a whole lot more crap to deal with. He really needed Cas and was at the brink of losing his mind just worrying about him.

 

When they walked into the bunker for the first time, Dean's first thought was that he wished Cas could see this. That night he drank so much whiskey that he passed out on the floor of their new kitchen.

 

Sam didn't know what to do. He saw that something was eating Dean up and he couldn't help him, because his brother just refused to talk to him. After the night where Dean nearly drank himself into coma (of course Dean didn't see it that way) they got into a huge fight about Dean's reluctance to talk to Sam, so Sam had left the bunker to go for a walk.

 

He hadn't gone far before he heard a flapping of wings. He swirled around ready to fight but relaxed when he recognized Sariel.

 

“Hello, Sam,” she greeted him amicably. “I'm glad I finally found you. Castiel is in trouble.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“Naomi locked him up and I need your help to get him out.”

 

“Of course. We have a new hide out. We should talk there if you don't mind.”

 

She nodded and they walked back to the bunker. “How did you find me?”

 

“It wasn't easy. I felt your worry and helplessness about your brother. And since I already helped you once, I am more attuned to your prayers.”

 

“I didn't pray...,” Sam wondered and gave her a confused side glance.

 

“It doesn't have to be a prayer. Your worry and pain was my beacon. It's hard to explain.”

 

Sam nodded and gave her a quick smile before opening the bunker's door. “Thank you for finding us. We were wondering what had happened to Cas.”

 

Dean looked up when he heard Sam entering the bunker. His heart clenched painfully when he saw Sariel with him – _hell_ he hoped the angel had good news.

 

“Hello, Dean. I come to you because Castiel is in trouble. He disobeyed Naomi's order and she locked him up. She won’t allow any angel to go to earth, so it took me a while to sneak past the guards to get to you. We must help him.”

 

Dean's eyes went wide. _So that was why he couldn't return! Fuck!_

 

“But he's okay? She didn't do anything to him?” Dean asked her, barely masking his concern.

 

“I don't know. I hope so. She's famous for her methods of persuasion and getting angels to behave like they _'should'_.”

 

Dean had the feeling he was going to be sick: “We have to get him out of there!”

 

Sariel nodded: “Since you can't enter Heaven, I need to have allies to rescue Castiel. I need your help to find an angel called Rebecca. She is hiding on earth and she is a leader of a fraction of angels who want to get back to our original mission – to help humans.”

 

“You have an idea where she is?” Dean asked impatiently.

 

Sariel nodded: “I know where one of her followers is. His name is Eliah. He's a good friend.”

 

“Then let's not waste any time!” Dean shouted at her and Sam raised an eyebrow at his brother's strange behavior. Sariel was unfazed by Dean's comment though and went to him to touch his shoulder.

 

“Don't worry, we will get him out of there.”

 

Dean tried to calm down and looked to Sam: “Go get the weapons, Sammy! We'll take the angel express to go to this Eliah.”

 

Sam nodded and left the main hall to get the weapons. As soon as he was out of earshot, Dean looked back at the blonde angel: “Can he hear my prayers?”

 

Sariel gave him a sad smile: “He can always hear you.”

 

Dean nodded seriously and looked up at the ceiling.

 

_Hang in there, buddy. We're going to get you out of there._

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

It turned out that Eliah and another angel called Constantine were working in a hospital to fulfill minor miracles to help people. Eliah was shocked to hear about Castiel's imprisonment and showed them the way to find Rebecca. They all met in the basement of the hospital to form a plan to rescue Castiel from his holding cell.

 

Rebecca told them she had accumulated a huge group of followers who would help, but she was against violence. She wanted to find a peaceful way to bring order back to Heaven. Arguments and words were her weapons of choice, but Dean made her see that Cas wouldn't have the time to wait until she turned every angel into a peace loving hippie.

 

“There is also another way,” she finally said after a long argument with Dean.

 

“What?” Dean was annoyed and impatient. The thought of Cas being captured made him feel helpless and frustrated. He hated that he had to rely on others to get Cas out of this situation.

 

“There is one archangel left who could bring order back to Heaven and who would free Castiel in a heartbeat.”

 

Dean looked at her in confusion: “All archangels are dead. I saw most of them die in front of me.”

 

“Gabriel isn't.”

 

“I hate to break it to you but Lucifer killed Gabriel,” Dean supplied sarcastically.

 

Rebecca shook her head: “No, he just made everyone think that he died. He is kind of a trickster.”

The angel smiled when she said her last words.

 

Sam stared at her: “You mean, he's alive?! Where is he then?”

 

Rebecca looked at the taller Winchester: “The last time I talked to him was a year ago. But I know how to summon him from his self-imposed exile. He won't be happy about it though.”

 

“Yeah, I don't care. He owes us,” Dean told her in a testy voice.

 

Dean followed Rebecca to a group of angels, each one of them instructed to bring ingredients for a summoning spell. When Sam tried to follow his brother Sariel held him back with a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Sam, wait.”

 

Sam looked at her in surprise: “What is it?”

 

“I don't know how well Castiel will be when we get him out. You have to be there for him but also for your brother.”

 

Sam looked at her in confusion: “For Dean? Why?”

 

“He loves Castiel.”

 

Sam just looked at her for a moment because he didn't know what to say. “Well, they are best friends...”

  
Sariel tilted her head just like Cas did sometimes. “He hasn't told you...”

 

“Told me what?”

 

Sariel looked at the floor: “I am sorry. I think my concern let me to make a mistake. I sometimes forget that there are so many rules in human society about what one can say or what shouldn't be said.”

 

Sam looked at her, eyes wide in surprise: “How would you know if Dean...”

 

Sariel looked constricted: “I feel his pain about Castiel very clearly. I am truly sorry. I am a Rit Zien, it is what we are. I cannot stop hearing these strong emotions. But I should not have said anything. I am truly sorry for that.”

 

Sam laid a hand on her shoulder: “It's okay. I'm thankful that you did. Dean is very stubborn about telling me anything. He would have never told me about this and I'm really grateful to know what's bugging him. I'll be there for them and help them as much as I can, I promise you.”

 

Sariel smiled and walked over to the group of angels standing around Dean and Rebecca. Sam watched her go and grinned: “And when this is all over I'll tease him like hell about it.”

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

It didn't take long for the angels to get all the ingredients to summon Gabriel. Rebecca put them all together in a bowl, plus a surprise donation of Dean's blood, and chanted something in Enochian. Dean was tense, all he could think of was that Cas was in a cell, probably getting tortured and he did nothing to help so far. He should have known that something wasn't right when Cas didn't come back. Why hadn't he done something earlier? He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white and waited until Rebecca was finished.

 

“How long will...,” he started to ask, but was interrupted by the sudden appearance from Gabriel, who stood there in a colorful Hawaiian shirt and a coconut drink decorated with little umbrellas in his hand.

 

“Dean-o! Well, that's embarrassing. You thought I was dead,” Gabriel grinned mischievously.

 

Dean rolled his eyes: “Yeah, I should have known, you little piece of sh--!”

 

Sam pressed his hand over Dean's mouth before he could end that sentence. “We need your help, Gabriel.”

 

Gabriel looked at Sam with raised eyebrows: “Really, bucko? What did you destroy this time?”

 

Dean shook himself free from his brother: “Cas is in danger and you freaking owe him. You went on a fucking vacation when he continued to fight for this world. You did nothing to help! And now he's in a cell and we need your help to get him out.”

 

Gabriel gazed at Dean for a few seconds, surprised and speechless: “I didn't know you'd care so much for my baby bro. Alright I'll do it. Do you have a safe place that I can bring him to?”

 

Sam nodded: “Yeah, yeah we do. I can show you on a map.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Gabriel and Sariel brought Dean and Sam back to the bunker.

 

“You coming with me, kid?” Gabriel asked Sariel with a raised eyebrow. The blonde angel nodded: “You will need my help if Castiel is injured. I can heal him.”

 

Gabriel just shrugged and looked at Dean: “I'll be back with your boy toy in a few. Don't you worry, princess.” He winked at Sam and he and Sariel were gone in the next second.

 

Sam watched his brother's tense expression and wondered if Sariel was right about Dean's feelings for Cas. He knew they were best friends and that Dean considered Cas as family as much as he did, but there was always a special bond between them – a profound bond as Castiel once had put it.

 

He wondered if his brother was aware of his feelings for Cas and if that was what was freaking him out for the past week. He knew that Dean always considered himself as straight, although he obviously liked Doctor Sexy MD a tad too much for that being completely true.

 

Dean paced nervously through the room. He looked like the tension was about to kill him. “Dean, calm down. He'll get Cas back. He's an archangel.”

 

Dean looked at him skeptically: “He's Gabriel and a douche! That shouldn't have happened. I didn't know Cas had so much trouble upstairs.”

 

“We'll get him back and we'll do everything to help him, alright?”

 

Dean nodded and leaned against their table. He just hoped Cas was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Gabriel... so I brought him back! :D   
> Thanks to all who left kudos and comments. Please, please tell me what you think of the story. It's my first longer spn ff and I hope I'm doing okay. Next chapter is already written, so I can promise some smut is on it's way (yeahhh!)
> 
> As always my epic gratitude goes to drunk_idjit - without her this wouldn't be possible! *hug*


	7. 'Cause you are my Heaven

**Chapter 7: 'Cause you are my Heaven**

 

_I was praying that you and me might end up together_

_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert_

_But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my Heaven_

 

_Ron Rope – A drop in the ocean_

 

 

If Sam had asked Dean later, he probably would have told him that those few minutes, while they waited for Gabriel’s return, where the longest fucking minutes he had ever experienced in his life.

 

Dean couldn't describe what he felt when Sariel and Gabriel finally zapped into the hallway of the bunker with Castiel draped over the archangel's shoulder to steady him.

 

“Cas!” Dean shouted, appearing in front of Gabriel in a second. Cas was slumped over, eyes closed and not reacting, even when Gabriel pushed him gently into Dean’s arms.

 

“Put him in a bed somewhere. He will need some sleep before he's okay again. Don't worry, Sariel healed all of his injuries.”

 

Dean looked at both angels with a serious expression: “Thank you.”

 

Gabriel rolled his eyes: “Yeah, whatever.” Dean propped Cas onto his shoulders and half dragged, half carried the angel towards his room. Sam wanted to help him but Dean shook his head, so his little brother just let Dean go to take care of his friend.

 

“So what will you do next?” Sam asked Gabriel curiously.

 

Gabriel and Sariel exchanged a quick look and the archangel sighed defeatedly: “I guess I’ll help my little brother as soon as he’s back in the game. He was always the one with some plan or great cause. By the way, you got a really snazzy place here. Impossible to find you if you don’t know where to look,“ Gabriel said, clapping his hands together and giving them a smirk. "Anyways! Call me when baby bro is alright again and I’ll come back here and have a talk with him”

 

Sam nodded: “Thank you so much for your help.”

 

Gabriel waved a hand and sighed exaggeratedly: “You and your puppy dog face... I think I need some casa erotica action now. Hey angel, you wanna tag along?”

 

“I don't know what you mean...,” Sariel gazed at Gabriel in the same confused way Cas always looked when he didn't get an innuendo.

  
“Awww, I'll teach you,” He got his arm around Sariel's shoulder and winked at Sam: “Kid's these days. They have so much to learn. See you later, Sam.”

 

Sam watched them vanish in a gust of air and couldn't help but feel sorry for Sariel.

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean lowered Cas carefully on his bed. The angel looked more disheveled than usual but otherwise fine – well except that he was sleeping and that was always a bad sign for an angel. Dean stroked through Cas's hair tenderly (just to straighten it, not because he was turning into a girl and was over the moon to see him again, of course!) and smiled when he opened his eyes slowly.

  
“Hey, welcome back,” the hunter smiled warmly when Cas blinked at him wearily.

 

“Dean...?” His voice was rough and he sounded confused. Dean nodded: “Yeah, you're okay now. You got out. I'm sorry you had to wait so long.”

 

“How...?”

 

Dean shook his head: “Sleep. Get better. I'll tell you later. You're safe now.”

 

Cas closed his eyes again and fell asleep instantly. Dean stood up slowly from the bedside and left Cas to sleep. He looked good there in his bed – as if he belonged. Definitely a sight Dean could get used to.

 

Dean grinned at that thought and left his room quietly to go back to Sam and the others. Sariel and Gabriel were already gone when he got back into the main hall.

 

“How's Cas?” Sam asked, when Dean looked around questionably, he added: “Oh, they're already gone. Gabriel asked to call him when Cas is better. So how is he?”

 

“Asleep, but he'll be fine. He's, you know, tough for a little nerdy guy with wings,” Dean smiled and went to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. When he opened the fridge it was nearly empty except for a bottle of ketchup, a half drunken beer and some peanut butter cakes.

 

“Yeah, we really need food. I'll go and get some and you can stay with Cas, okay?” Sam suggested, and Dean was happy that he volunteered to go so that he could stay with his friend.

 

“Okay, but don't forget the pie.” He threw the keys to the Impala in Sam’s direction and he caught them easily. “I won't, don't worry. See you in a bit.”

 

Dean went back to his room when Sam left the bunker. He quietly sat next to Cas on the bed and watched him sleep. He was aware that he had told the angel over and over that this was a creepy thing to do, but he considered it as payback for all those times the angel had done it with him.

 

He looked so peaceful in his sleep. _Like a little angel..._ Dean grinned at his own thought. Cas's hair was sticking in every direction again and Dean suppressed the urge to straighten it just to feel the soft texture under his fingers. He knew Cas would wake up if he did that and he didn't want to disturb him.

 

His gaze wandered over Cas's shoulders and arms and Dean wondered why he never got to the point of a 'I'm-sexually-attracted-to-a-guy-freakout' moment since everything had started. He knew he never felt like that when he looked at other men before. This was totally new – okay, he once or twice thought some guys were attractive, but that was more like a neutral observation than 'I-want-to-have-gay-sex-with-this-man'. And of course there was Dr. Sexy, but maybe that was more idolizing him and wanting to be that man than anything else. He never questioned his sexuality before because it was always clear to him that he was straight. Strange thing was, he was sure he would have hit on Cas much faster if he had happened to be wearing a female vessel and he maybe would have noticed it sooner that he was in love with the angel.

 

But now that he knew, he was also attracted to his body. He longed to touch him and the tiniest thought of having sex with Cas was a hell of a turn on. He briefly thought about the only time he met Jimmy – the actual human who this body once belonged to. He knew that he didn’t have any attraction to him, so that was clearly a only Cas centered sexual attraction, that was going on here.

 

Cas had told him years ago that Jimmy's soul was no longer in this body and it belonged completely to the angel now. Dean was grateful to not have to think about how screwed up that would have been, if he would have sex with Cas with Jimmy still inside him. With thoughts like that, Dean often thought what his life even was...

 

A while later Cas slowly opened his eyes and Dean smiled down at him: “Hey, how're you feeling?”

 

Cas pushed himself up on his elbows and looked around: “I'm okay. Where am I?”

 

Dean grinned: “You won't believe it, but we finally have our own bat cave and this is my room.”

 

“It doesn't look like a cave to me and I can't see any bats,” Cas tilted his head in confusion and looked at Dean expectantly.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and grinned: “You'll never change.”

 

“You told me not to, remember?” Cas smiled at him warmly.

 

Oh yeah – Dean remembered... It was after Zachariah had sent him into the year 2014 and he had met the broken, human shell of his friend. He also remembered how happy he was, seeing Cas again after that. He was just Cas, oblivious and naive to the world's finer perks but with a determination and stubbornness to his cause that matched Dean's own. He gave him so much reassurance and always believed in him – he was his anchor in a world that was falling apart and Dean needed him. Of course he didn't want him to change, because he loved him just the way he was.

 

And now he had a chance to give all this reassurance back to Cas, who smiled shyly at him. The hunter leaned down to kiss him – first just carefully, because although they had kissed before, it still felt new and unreal to Dean, but then he got more determined. He braced himself with one hand on the pillow next to the angel's shoulders, the other was on Castiel's neck – holding him close. Dean licked over his upper lip and Cas opened his mouth to let him in. When their tongues met for the first time, Cas groaned and Dean pushed him back down on the bed. Without stopping the kiss, Dean climbed into bed next to Cas. He pressed his body close to the angel to be as near as possible but it wasn't enough. He wanted more. His right hand trailed from Cas's shoulder to the buttons of his white dress shirt and he started to unbutton them. It took only a small tug on the already loosened tie to get it open and off and Dean tossed it carelessly next to him on the bed. When he finally got to the last button of the shirt he pushed it open and his kisses trailed from Castiel’s mouth to his throat and down to his newly revealed skin. He heard Cas's breathing quicken when his tongue licked over his right nipple, his right hand stroking down over his hard, flat abdomen to his hipbone – pushing him into the memory foam of his mattress to leave an imprint – to create a mark that Cas belonged into his bed.

 

The hunter looked up at his friend – took in the sight of him, completely aroused, mouth open and eyes dark with lust. Dean quickly pulled off his shirt and kissed Cas again who already had pushed himself up to get closer to the hunter. He pulled Dean up on his knees with him to get out of his coat and jacket, before he let Dean push his shirt from his shoulders and off of him. Their bare chests met when Cas laid his hands around Dean's waist to pull him close. Dean's hand trailed up on Cas's back – over the soft, warm skin until he could feel them – Cas's wings.

 

It started with a soft, tingly feeling on his fingertips that soon spread through his hands in his entire body. Dean gasped in Cas's open mouth, when he could suddenly feel Cas's arousal and emotions, which quickly mixed with his own and amplified into a fervor he never felt before. He couldn't care less if he would got accidentally bonded to Cas now. He just wanted to feel him and be with him. Everything else was unimportant. The hunter's hands traveled down to Cas's suit pants and he could feel his hard on through the fabric. He stroked over it a few times until his friend was moaning fast and had his face buried in his shoulder to kiss and lick him there. Dean opened Cas's pants and slipped his hand in to really touch him and was rewarded with the hottest sight ever when Cas leaned his head back an moaned loudly with his eyes closed.

 

“Dean.... Dean, I need... I want...”

 

Dean grinned and kissed Cas again. “I know,” he murmured against the angel's lips. The hunter opened his jeans with his other hand and pushed Cas back on the bed. He quickly got rid of both of their pants and underpants, before he got in between Cas's legs to lie down on him and to kiss him again. Dean took both of them in his hand to get the most friction and started to stroke them. They were both panting heavily, licking and kissing each other deeply and passionately, when this suddenly wasn't enough for Dean anymore. He wanted to be closer, to feel everything. He wanted to bury himself into Cas.

 

Dean pushed himself up to look at his friend, who was panting heavily, his eyes wide and somehow a darker blue than usual.

  
“Cas, I want to...” Dean let his fingers, which were wet with precum from both of them, trail from Cas's cock to his ass and tentatively over his entrance. Cas let out a low moan when the hunter's fingers touched him there and pushed a little against it. “Yes, Dean... please...,” Cas's voice was broken and low and he looked so _fucking_ hot that Dean just grinned and kissed him again. He pushed one of his fingers carefully into Cas and _God_ the noises his friend made nearly did it for Dean. “You okay?” he asked the angel in a hushed and worried tone. Cas nodded and bit down on his lower lip. “Don't worry, you can't hurt me.”

 

Dean smiled because he could hear the pleading in his friend's voice and felt Cas's urgency and want through their connection. He pulled back to get his hard cock in the right position to enter his angel. He did it slowly and watched Cas for any signs of pain until he was completely buried inside him.

 

It was incredible. Dean was sure there wasn't any word in the human language that could describe what he was feeling right now. He was lost in Cas's incredible blue eyes for a few seconds – just bathing in this glorious feeling of perfection and love – and just smiled. Cas smiled back at him and leaned in to kiss him softly and sweetly.

 

It was like a burst of light in his mind, when Dean started to hear Cas's thoughts. They were partly in Enochian so he couldn't understand everything, but at the same time he could because he just felt their meaning. He could also hear Cas repeating his name in his mind _DeanDeanDean_ like a prayer – like he was worshiping the hunter for what he was doing with him.

 

Their kisses became more passionate again and Dean started to move his hips. Judging by Cas's moans he was hitting the right spot every time he thrusted back into him. Dean couldn't believe how perfect this felt. He never wanted to stop feeling like this.

 

_CasCasCas I need you Stay with me God you're perfect This feels so perfect I'm happy_

 

The white light in his mind got warmer and hotter and from one second to the other Dean could suddenly see Cas's wings. They were spreading over his bed and widely into the room – glowing in a warm, soft light in swirling black and dark blue colors.

 

_You're so beautiful God I love you Cas._

 

Cas opened his eyes with a gasp and his orgasm was hitting Dean through their bond with all its force. The hunter couldn't hold back any longer and came – thrusting deep into Cas.

 

”Cas...,” Dean panted, when he slowly came down from his pleasure induced high. His whole body was trembling as he lowered himself onto his friend and buried his face into his neck. He carefully pulled out of Cas, while he caressed the angel's throat with his mouth – feeling his still elevated pulse on his lips. Cas had his arms around him, holding him close and stroking lazily over his warm skin.

 

The sudden silence while they lay in each other's arms was deafening. Castiel's presence was so overwhelming before, that the unexpected absence of shared emotions and thoughts was like a blow in the stomach. It was hard to describe but Dean had felt complete with Cas so intimate and close to him.

 

 _The bond thing obviously didn't work._ Dean couldn't help but feel disappointed by that. He felt Castiel's head shift when he tried to look at Dean, who was still buried in his friends neck. “The bond can only be completed by a ritual and with consent of both parties – not accidentally.”

 

“Are you reading my mind?” Dean pushed himself up a little so he could look at Cas.

 

“No,” Cas smiled warmly “But I’m sure you’re feeling the same loss as I am at the moment. And we haven't talked about it before we...” He left the rest of the sentence hanging in the open and just smiled happily. Dean thought it was the best thing in the world.

 

Dean smiled back and kissed Cas again – short and sweet. “So earlier – that's how it would feel if we were bonded all the time?”

 

“The intensity comes from our close proximity, but even if we were far apart, we would still feel close and complete. Never alone.”

 

Dean thought about how desperately he wanted to have that feeling back again and why he didn't freak out about it, because that was some freaking serious commitment. Not even until death do us part but even beyond that. It should scare the living crap out of Dean, but it just didn't. Maybe because it just felt so damn right. He never felt anything like this before for another person. And he knew that thing with Cas was special and he'd never find anything like it again in this world. But was Cas feeling the same about him? Sure, he loved Dean... he felt that clearly through their bond. But did he want to get bonded to a human?

 

“Dean... You didn't know the bond wouldn't work without the ritual, but you still wanted to have sex with me. Does that mean... Do you want to get bonded to me?” Cas looked at him with a mixed expression between anxiety and happiness and it dared Dean to hope he was interpreting this question right.

 

“Yeah...?” Dean answered carefully.

 

Castiel's broad smile took him totally off-guard and he felt the air painfully pushed out of his lungs, when the angel turned them around in the bed forcefully and kissed Dean passionately and deeply. “Oof, be careful... humans need to breathe, Cas,” Dean laughed happily when Cas gave him a confused head tilt. After a few seconds the angel nodded seriously: “As much as it makes me happy to hear that Dean, you should give yourself some time to think about it. I know how intense and good the bond felt when we had sex, so I don't want that to cloud your judgment. Give yourself a few days and see if you still feel the same way about it. I don't want you to ever regret that decision.”

 

Dean nodded: “I already thought about it before we had sex, Cas and I won't change my mind. But I'll do what you ask of me, because I want to show you how serious I am about that, okay?”

 

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that.”

 

If it meant he got to see Castiel smiling like he was now, it was already worth it. Dean kissed him again slowly and lazily until the feeling of dried come on his stomach started to really bug him. He sighed: “As nice as this is, I have to take a shower. Do you want to join me?”

 

“Why? I don't need...” Dean laid a finger on Cas's lips to shush him.

 

“It's not about 'needing'. I know you can mojo yourself clean again. It's about something different, that I'll show you when you come with me,” Dean grinned and ruffled playfully through Cas's hair before he got out of the bed. He gathered some of the angel's and his clothes and led Cas to the adjoined bathroom.

 

The water pressure of the shower – like so many other things in the bunker – was perfect. When the water had the right temperature Dean pulled Cas to him, relishing the sight of Cas getting wet – following the water running down his perfect body with his gaze. The angel closed his eyes when Dean moved his fingers tenderly in Cas's wet hair before dragging them across the back of his neck. Cas sighed and buried his face into Dean's shoulder to kiss him there.

 

“It's good to have you back, Cas.” Dean’s voice was quiet and the unspoken _‘I missed you’_ was loud and clear. “I just wish I had found out sooner.”

 

Cas looked at him: “I know you feel guilty about that but there was nothing you could have done. I've heard your prayers though and that helped me more than you can think.”

 

Dean thought about all the stupid prayers he had sent to Cas in the past few days. Partly they were just about tiny things that had happened like the delicious burger he had four days ago, that he wished he could share with his friend. He didn't even know that Cas was being tortured and in prison. If he had, he would have told him other things – important stuff. He couldn't understand how these stupid prayers could have helped Cas.

 

“I'm sorry, Cas.”

 

“About what?”

 

Dean shrugged: “Everything... This shouldn't have happened. Haven’t you noticed that every time we split up and try fighting the good fight on our own, we mess up?”

 

Cas gave him a short, lopsided grin: “Yes, I noticed a pattern there.”

 

“Then we probably shouldn't, you know. I mean, Sammy, you and me against the rest of the world. Team Free Will. We should stick to that.”

 

“I'd like that,” Cas smiled at him and Dean loved the fact that he could see him happy like that. In the last hour he had seen Cas smile more often than in the last four years combined and the best part was that Dean was the reason for it.

 

“My memories are a bit hazy about my rescue, but if I remember right, it was Gabriel who pulled me out of my cell,” Cas asked hesitantly.

 

Dean just nodded and pulled the angel closer to his body, starting to kiss his shoulder, his hands trailing down to his waist. “Yeah, can we just not talk about him while showering?”

 

Cas didn't answer but watched Dean curiously when he opened a bottle of shower gel and squeezed some blue liquid in his hand. He spread it on the angel's chest and rubbed it on his skin until it changed into white foam. Castiel thought it smelled a bit like a frozen river on a clear winter's day. He knew that smell faintly from Dean and the thought of smelling like him left him with a pleasantly warm feeling in his stomach. It was a strange feeling, being washed by another person. Cas didn't know what it was, but he had the feeling that he got cleansed by Dean from all his sins. In the past he had hurt his friend so much and now every touch felt like forgiveness. Cas sighed, feeling relaxed by the time Dean was done and he buried his face in his shoulders again.

 

“Thank you, Dean. I think, I understand now, what you meant about showering.”

 

Dean smiled and kissed his neck: “Told you, they're good.” The hunter felt that he was getting aroused again, touching Cas under the hot water like that, but he tried to restrain himself. He knew Sam would be back soon and he really didn't want to explain to his little brother why he and Cas were in the shower together. Thinking of Sam – Dean didn't even know what to tell his brother.

 

“Dean?” Cas asked worriedly when he felt Dean tensing up.

 

Dean sighed and wished they'd already been bonded so that he wasn't forced to talk about feelings and Cas would just know: “It's nothing, Cas. I just don't know what to tell Sammy about us.”

 

“I see... Is this because I'm in a male body?” Cas asked carefully.

 

Dean thought about that, but he was sure that Sam wouldn't mind. He was always more open about that stuff anyway. “Nah, it's just... This is all new... for me. I don't know. Best probably just to tell him straight away.”

 

Dean washed the rest of the soap on his body away and turned the water off. He handed Cas a towel, which he looked at with a frown, before taking a few steps back only to be completely dry from one second to the next and back in his clothes – minus the suit jacket, tie and trench coat, that Dean had left in his room. Dean raised his eyebrows, suddenly feeling too naked: “That's convenient – so I guess, your mojo is back?”

 

Cas nodded: “I'm not at full capacity, but almost. I think I'll need another day to be back to normal.”

 

Dean toweled himself dry and put on his boxers and jeans in record time: “That's okay, we could just use this extra day to relax and watch movies. I’ll show you around your new home and when you feel better we can call Gabe and talk about what we'll do next.”

 

“My new home...,” Cas smiled at that and Dean was filled with relief, because he had said that unintentionally. It was his biggest wish that Cas would stay with him. The hunter fumbled with his fingers nervously, his voice was rough: “Yeah, that's if you wanna stay.”

 

“Yes,” Cas simply answered and Dean never thought he would be happier in his entire life. This was his personal Heaven. Having a home and Sammy and Cas in his life forever.

 

They went back to Dean's room, where the hunter put on a new shirt and socks before he started to show Cas his new home. Cas was impressed by the bunker to say the least. Above all with the library and the well placed wardings to keep this place safe. He told them that they couldn't even be found by angels in this place if they didn't know where the bunker was.

 

It didn't take long before Dean heard Sam coming back through the door packed with two large, brown paper bags. “Would you mind helping, Dean? There's more in the trunk.”

 

“Did you rob the supermarket?” Dean deadpanned and started to walk to the garage, where the Impala was parked. Cas beat him to it and already had the rest of the bags in his hand, when Dean came around the corner. Cas grinned at him and winked, before he vanished in front of his eyes and Dean heard a surprised yelp from his brother in the kitchen. The hunter snickered and went back to join them and to help store the food.

 

“One day you’re gonna give princess Sammy a heart attack, Cas.”

 

“Jerk. Hey Cas, it's good to see you're better. Don't let Dean use you to do his chores for him.”

 

“I'm just glad if I can help and thank you, Sam.”

 

When Dean had put the last can of food away, he cleared his throat soundly: “Sam, there is something important I need to tell you and I swear if you make one dumb joke about it, I'll kick you in your nuts so hard, you'll end up in next Tuesday. You got me?”

 

Sam raised his eyebrows and held his hands up defensively: “Okay, Dean. I won't, I promise.”

 

Dean drew in a deep breath and walked next to Cas to lay a hand on his shoulder. “Cas and I – we're together.” The hunter gave his brother a look as if he wanted to say _'I dare you to say anything stupid'_ but to Dean's surprise Sam just smiled slightly and nodded: “I'm happy for you.”

 

“You're not surprised...?” Dean realized confused.

 

Sam shook his head: “I'll always knew that you two had this epic looovmmmrrrppphhhh....” Dean slapped his hand on Sam's mouth to stop his brother from talking.

 

“Shut up, bitch. Come on, Cas. It's time you learn something about John McClane.”

 

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> That was the first time I wrote a complete sex scene and I hope it's okay. Nervous... So please comment and tell me what you think!  
> Yeah, a quick warning: As you may have noticed, there is a lot of canon story stuff from season 8 in this story and there will be more. So prepare yourself for Abba-douche, Metatron and you know – all the shit that is to come...
> 
> My biggest thanks goes to drunk_idjit for being my temple of wisdom! And of course to all you lovely people who left kudos and comments!


	8. Other ways

**Chapter 8: Other ways**

 

_When I think about all the other ways I could have played,_

_All the other simple moves I could have made,_

_All the other cards that I could have dealt,_

_All the books I didn't read upon my shelf,_

_All the other ways that could have sung my songs,_

_Realized that none of it went wrong._

 

_Trevor Hall – Other ways_

 

Sam couldn’t stop grinning. It had been a long time since he had felt this good, and it was only because he could see how incredibly happy and in love his brother was. And he deserved it more than anyone. Of course, Sam was a little envious. Dean had found someone that fit perfectly into their life as hunters. On the other hand though, what Sam always wanted was a normal, happy life outside of the world of monsters and things that go bump in the night. Whenever, and however, it happened.

 

Right now, though, he was enjoying his brother’s futile attempts at hiding his “public displays of affection” towards Castiel. They were sitting at the table, very close to each other, watching Die Hard on their laptop and eating popcorn. Every time Cas snatched some popcorn from their shared bowl and their hands touched they smiled at each other. It was sickly sweet and Sam watched in amusement as his brother flashed Cas his most charming smile whenever he had to explain parts of the movie to the angel.

 

Since Dean seemed to be getting self-conscious, looking over to make sure Sam wasn’t watching before doing anything more than just smile at Cas, Sam decided to give them some privacy and left the kitchen to do some research in the library. There were a bunch of files from the old Men of Letters archive about a network of groups that they had worked with and he was looking forward to reading them in peace.

 

Sam noticed Dean’s flustered face when he walked through the room they were sitting in and it made him smile like he had just won the lottery. His brother was giving him enough ammunition to tease him for the rest of his life. “Hey Cas, how is it that you like popcorn, but no other food?”

 

Cas held a piece of popcorn in his hand, giving it a thoughtful look. “Popcorn is simple. It doesn’t taste like so many different molecules.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow at that: “I never knew you tasted food differently than we did.” Suddenly a shocked look came over the hunter when the realization hit him: “So you’ll never be able to enjoy pie? I’m so sorry, Cas!”

 

Sam laughed at that: “Dean, not everyone's world revolves around pie.”

 

Dean shot him an annoyed look: “Don't blaspheme, Sammy! What are you up to anyway?”

 

Sam grinned: “On my way to the library, researching some Men of Letters files – so you two have fun, but don't be too loud.”

 

Dean looked flustered: “Yeah....yeah? You don't be loud reading your... books.”

 

“Smooth, Dean.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

“Jerk,” Sam laughed and left his flustered brother alone with his angel, who just looked at them both in confusion.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“I see what you like about this movie,” Cas told Dean when the credits rolled over the laptop screen.

 

Dean gave him an affectionate smile: “I told you it's good.”

 

It wasn’t the first time that Dean found he couldn’t look away while smiling at Cas. Their eyes met and Dean just got lost in them. He felt his heartbeat and breathing quicken – his mouth opened to say something, but words were escaping his mind. He leaned in to close the short distance between them and kissed the angel, relishing the fact that Cas kissed him back just as desperately as he felt.

 

“Shall we go to your room?” Cas asked quietly against the hunter's lips.

 

Dean nodded and pulled the angel up with him as they quickly made their way back to Dean’s rooms. When Cas turned around to close the door the hunter pushed him gently against it. Dean kissed Castiel’s neck, listening to his breathing getting quicker as he slipped his hands around him to unbutton his shirt. He knew Cas was much stronger than him and if he wanted to he could easily get away from the trapped position between him and the door, but the angel let him. He trusted Dean.

 

Dean removed Castiel’s open shirt and started kissing him between the shoulder blades while his fingers moved tenderly over the area where Cas’s wings were. The connection between their emotions was there instantly and it surrounded Dean like a warm, cozy blanket, as soon as he felt the warm feathers under his fingers.

 

“God that feels awesome..,” Dean murmured into the warm skin of the angel’s shoulders while he enjoyed the soft feeling of invisible feathers under his fingertips. Cas nodded and leaned his head back to lay it on the hunter's shoulder. His eyes were closed and Dean saw that he was bracing himself against the door with his hands.

 

“Will I be able to see your wings all the time when we’re bonded?” Dean asked between the soft kisses. He was pressing himself close to Cas's back – his hands were caressing the angel's chest and slowly stroking down to his trousers.

 

“I don't know, Dean. You might. Would that bother you?” Cas's voice was wrecked, his breathing was ragged.

 

Dean kissed Cas behind his ear and whispered: “No, I like them. They look awesome.”

 

He opened the button and zipper on the angel's trousers and slowly pulled them down with his underwear. When Cas stepped out of them, Dean got rid of his own jeans and boxers. He turned Cas around to kiss him deeply and pulled him towards his bed. The hunter got rid of his shirt in a quick motion, before he sat on the bed and pulled Cas onto his lap. It wasn't the same thing than having a girl on him. Cas was much taller and heavier but _fucking hell_ he was hot. He looked completely debauched with his hair sticking up in every direction and his _oh so_ kissable open mouth and lust filled eyes – that sight did things to Dean no girl had ever managed.

 

Dean put his arms around him and turned them around on the bed so that he was lying on Cas. They looked at each other and Dean had the feeling he could lose himself in Castiel's eyes. His incredible blue eyes were probably the first thing Dean felt intrigued by and attracted to, closely followed by Cas's lips. In the past his gaze had often wandered involuntarily to them whenever Cas invaded his personal space, wondering what they would feel and taste like on his own mouth. And now he finally knew and it was a thousand times better than in every (ultra-)secret fantasy he ever had.

 

He let his open mouth hover over Cas's lips for a moment, feeling his hot, quick breath on his skin and lips and thought about how happy he was at this moment, finally having found the one thing that completed him. He licked into Cas's mouth, over the delicious texture of his tongue and the beautiful taste of Dean's personal Heaven. Cas’s strong hands moved from around his waist to his hips, pulling the hunter down on him and lighting up a spark of arousal that nearly made Dean come. He needed to be inside Cas now.

 

“ _Fuck_ , Cas I need to...,” Dean breathed into Cas's open mouth and pushed his hip down on him to get more friction. Cas moaned and looked at Dean like he was completely gone. He didn't say anything just nodded and bit on his lower lip when Dean entered him slowly.

 

“Are you okay? Does it feel good?” Dean asked in a breathy, worried tone. Fucking hell – it felt so good to be inside his angel, it took all of him not to come when he was finally buried completely in Cas.

 

“It feels...” Cas shook his head and instead of telling him how he was feeling at the moment, he touched Dean’s shoulder where the faded hand print was. Dean moaned when he got hit by all of the sensations Cas was feeling. The fullness, completeness – the incredible arousal, the love and assurance to let go, to be at the one place he could be free to be himself and just pure joy and happiness.

 

Dean muffled his groans in Cas's shoulder as he thrust himself in and out of him. He felt Cas's hands roaming over his back to his neck and into his hair – trying to be everywhere on his body at the same time. Dean could finally see Cas's wings spread over his bed and this sight got him every time. God he was so fucking close... He tried to think about anything else, evil witches and their nasty habit of using bodily fluids for everything to hold on to this a while longer, but it didn't work. As soon as he propped himself on his elbows to push himself up and looked into Cas's face, he was gone. Their orgasm hit them both at the same time, because they could feel each other getting there through the bond and that was one of the best things anyway if you'd asked Dean. He never had sex that felt good on such an epic scale before, that was for sure.

 

When they both came down from their orgasm infused high, Cas looked at Dean questioningly: “Why were you thinking of witches?”

 

Dean laughed: “Oh sorry, of course you've got that. I just tried to draw it out a bit longer, sorry man.”

 

Castiel grinned shyly: “I see. Didn't really work, did it?”

 

“No,” Dean chuckled and gave Cas a quick kiss. “But in my defense you're very distracting.”

 

Neither of them mentioned how much the feeling of separation pained them both after that. But just one glance at each other's eyes and they knew nevertheless. They could always understand each other without words and somehow this thought gave Dean the comfort he needed in this moment.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Sammy got back from the library, having found a bunch of files about a ‘Judah Initiative,’ and wanted to check if there were still active members of this secret society when he found the laptop and the main hall abandoned by his brother and the angel. The movie credits were still rolling so they couldn’t have been gone long. Sam shrugged and closed the video to do his research but he couldn’t really concentrate on it. Dean and Cas weren’t around so that basically implied that they were probably in Dean’s room doing things Sam really didn’t want to think about. Still, it was hard not to. He wondered if Dean had any problems being physical with Cas, since he was pretty sure his brother had never had any sexual relations with a man before. But on the other hand, when you’re in love – you’re in love, right? Guess that doesn’t matter much, once you get your head out of your ass.

 

And that was probably the wrong way to phrase it in his mind, because 'ass' and thinking of his brother and his friend having sex – no, that shouldn't be in the same sentence. Perfect – now he was thinking who would be the top in this relationship and that was a mental image he really didn't need. Shame that brain bleach wasn't invented, yet.

 

He forced himself back to his research and after roughly an hour he found something very interesting: a Rabbi named Isaac Bass who joined the Initiative at 17 and died two weeks ago in a way that sounded a lot like a hunt.

 

Sam looked up from his laptop when he noticed Dean and Cas coming back into the hall. Dean had a huge grin on his face and Cas looked even more ruffled than usually. He had a small smile on his face and you didn't had to be a genius to figure out what they had been doing in the past hour.

 

“What's up, Sammy?” Dean grinned and sat down next to him.

 

“I have been trying to chart out the Letters' network of hunters, their allies, uh, affiliated groups they worked with, kept files on…” Sam gestured on the files that were spread on the table, but Dean interrupted him with a skeptical frown: “Circa 1958?”

 

“Yeah. True. Uh, most are dead or defunct, but others – I'm not so sure, and this one... you should definitely check out.” Sam pushed one manila folder with an Aquarian star on the cover towards his brother.

  
“The Judah Initiative?” Dean asked curiously when he opened the folder.

 

“European team – they were active during World War II,” Sam explained further and Dean looked at him, intrigued: “Really? Hunters fighting in a war – that's cool.”

 

“Not exactly hunters, n-not exactly fighting, but, uh...” Dean browsed through the folder and looked at the old black and white pictures: “Rabbis? Rabbis? Really?”

 

Sam nodded: “The Letters' file on them is – is sketchy, but, apparently, they were hard-core saboteurs. So, I ran a search on the Initiative's entire roster, and I got a hit – one Rabbi Isaac Bass. He was 17 years old when he joined the Initiative and 85 years old when he died... two weeks ago. In a college town back east, he was capped.” Sam turned his laptop with the news to the case he found towards Dean and Castiel, who had listened to their conversation quietly until now: “Capped?”

 

Sam gave the angel a short lived grin: “Yeah. He was there doing research, and according to eyewitnesses, he spontaneously combusted.”

 

Dean raised his eyebrows and threw the file back on the table: “So… this is a case? But we can't take Cas outside the bunker. He doesn't have his mojo back and we don't have a plan.”

 

“That's okay, Dean. You can go. I'll stay here and call Gabriel as soon as I'm back at full capacity.”

 

Dean didn't look convinced. For some reason it didn't sit well with him to leave Cas alone at the bunker. Didn't they just tell each other that it was always a bad idea for them to split up? On the other hand it was just a case and Castiel could very well look after himself. The hunter didn't want to come across as over protective and clingy.

 

“I don't know, man. Will you really be okay?” He asked, unable to hide the concern in his face.

 

Cas smiled at him: “I appreciate your concern Dean but there is no need for it. This place is safe.”

 

Dean nodded defeatedly: “Okay, but be careful and call if anything comes up, okay?”

 

“I will.”

 

Sam patted his brother on the shoulder and looked at him sympathetically: “Come on mother hen, your boyfriend will be fine.”

 

Dean glared at his brother: “Shut up, Sasquatch.”

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Several hours later both hunters were knee deep in the new case. Dean had already interviewed two girls on the case and Sam had looked for background information on the victim. Dean called Sam as he walked back to the car, sharing the information he found on the victim, and was informed that his little brother was being followed. They agreed to meet each other back at the Impala in thirty minutes – the perfect opportunity to catch the mysterious person who was tailing Sam and to finally getting answers on this strange case.

 

He hung up and left the parking lot to go into the small Gas N’ Sip to grab a sandwich. If they were being followed he would rather not face whoever it was on an empty stomach. While browsing through the variety of sandwiches they offered, Dean thought about the gingerbread that had tried to flirt with him earlier. The fact that this guy thought that they shared some kind of moment really bothered him.

 

Just because he was in a relationship with a guy/angel didn’t mean he was gay, right? At least, he thought so. Dean took a peak at the Busty Asian Beauties magazine in front of him and yep… definitely not gay. Just for Cas. He decided to call it _Cas-sexual_ in his mind.

 

This thing with Cas was new for the hunter in so many ways and he tried not to think about any concerns that sometimes crept into his mind. Dean was always someone who lived in the moment and he planned on sticking with that philosophy. So he would enjoy this new relationship he had with Cas and that's it. Dean grinned broadly when he thought about the awesome sex they had so far. He was at a good place right now – happy, and it was all because of Cas. This was good and right and Dean wanted to keep it. He was so happy at the moment that he thought nothing could ruin his mood today.

 

Except that thirty minutes later he was thrown into the Impala by a giant man and shards of glass from the side window were raining over him when he forcefully hit the ground.

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Cas sat quietly in one of the chairs in the main hall and waited. The only noise in the room was the ticking of a clock on the wall. He sat there motionless for hours until he suddenly looked down at his open palms as they began to glow with a white light. He smiled briefly and looked up to the ceiling.

 

A few seconds later he heard the sound of wings marking the arrival of an angel.

 

“Hello Gabriel,” he smiled warmly and turned around in his chair to look at his brother.

 

“Hi Castiel. You look a lot better.” Gabriel bobbed up and down on his toes and grinned at his brother.

 

Castiel nodded and folded his hands in his lap: “Thanks to you and Sariel.”

 

Gabriel waved nonchalantly at the other angel and leaned against the table next to him. “S'okay. Pretty messed up situation up there – nothing new though. And as always you're the little rebel in the middle.”

 

Cas looked down at his hands, feeling ashamed, but Gabriel just grinned: “Nah, it's good. I'm proud of you. You're right you know... You always took all the responsibility on your shoulders, although that wasn't your job. It was mine.”

 

Cas looked up at his brother with a questioning expression: “Does that mean you will help me?”

 

Gabriel nodded: “Yep, I'm back in town and I will clean up some messes up there.” The shorter angel unwrapped a cherry lollipop and put it in his mouth: “But enough with the politics. Tell me, what's with the epic love story between you and the small Winchester.”

 

Cas looked at him confused: “How do you know?”

 

Gabriel raised his eyebrow and gave him a lopsided grin: “I just guessed but now I know.”

 

Castiel sighed defeatedly: “You like your role as a trickster too much.”

 

Gabriel just shrugged: “It protected me for a long time. So tell me, is your love life the reason you were in this cell?”

 

Castiel squinted his eyes and looked down at his hands again: “Partly, I guess. Naomi doesn't want me on earth. She thinks the Winchesters corrupted me, but it's also because I spoke against her when she murdered Samandriel.”

 

Gabriel shook his head: “You know even when I go up and take over the office, the others won't approve of you loving a human. You will be cast out and there's nothing I can do about it. You know the rules. You know why I left.”

 

Cas looked up at Gabriel with a determined gaze: “Dean and I are soul mates.”

 

“What?” Gabriel eyes went wide with a shocked expression: “How?”

 

“Joshua told me. Apparently father approves of our love.”

 

Gabriel gazed at him in shocked silence for a moment before he mumbled: “If that is true we could change the rules of Heaven profoundly, little bro!”

 

He stood up and walked up and down the room excitedly, before he spun around and pointed at Castiel: “You have to challenge Naomi in public and tell her that your claim on loving a human is right, because you got father's approval. I gotta tell you, this will make a lot of waves. It won't be easy, but I will be at your side to help you.”

 

Cas smiled at his brother and for the first time he felt hopeful that he could help and change Heaven for the better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer wait on this update! The next one is already written, so it shouldn't take that long to the next update (although it's a very long chapter - my poor beta T_T)
> 
> Speaking of my amazing Beta. Please go and read her first 2 fanfics for Destiel: She is an amazing writer and her stories are just FUCKING AWESOME (my inner Dean was speaking)
> 
> Skynet Global Wingman Network by Drunk_Idjit: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3422753  
> Go read it now! It's funny and perfect!
> 
> Sour Air by Drunk_Idjit: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3522515  
> This one goes right into your heart 
> 
> Thanks again to my readers for all the support on this story in shape of kudos and comments. To quote Cas: This makes me veeeery happy :D


	9. Free to be you and me

**Chapter 9: Free to be you and me**

 

_You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice_

_If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice_

_You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill_

_I will choose a path that's clear_

_I will choose freewill_

 

_Rush – Freewill_

 

When Dean and Sam finally made it back to the bunker after their case, Cas was gone. Dean tried not to be too disappointed by that, he was expecting that Cas would have left with Gabriel as soon as he was back to his regular mojo state. But just to be sure he called Cas on his phone as soon as he was alone in his room. It went straight to voicemail, leaving Dean disappointed. He was thinking of just hanging up until he heard Cas’s voicemail message and he just listened – enjoying the deep voice of his angel and the happy memory he had from that night when Cas recorded this new message. That day felt like ages ago.

 

_You reached the voice mail of –_

 

_'So I just say my name, now?'_

 

 _'Yes, Cas. Come on, you can do it.'_ Dean heard himself laughing in the background.

 

_'Okay, um it's Castiel.'_

 

_'I think you have to record it ag – ' PIEEEP_

 

Dean hung up and grinned to himself, wondering why Cas hadn’t recorded his message again after that. He remembered that Cas had checked it afterwards and told him that it was perfect the way it was and he didn’t have to do it again. The hunter looked down at his phone for a few seconds before putting it in his pocket and going back to Sam in the main hall.

 

He found his brother sitting at the table, buried in files and listening to "Sunny Side of the Street" from the old gramophone Dean had dug up when they had found the bunker. Sam was writing something while Dean went to the fridge and took two beers out of it: “What're you doing?”

 

“Ordering – I'm making a, uh, card entry for our, uh, copies from the Thule's red ledger for our collection,” Sam explained carefully, not sure about how his brother would react to him suddenly starting files on their work.

 

Dean looked down at the beers in his hand and back up to Sam before deciding to put them back in the fridge. This was not a beer moment, because that case hadn’t been just a normal hunt. It showed them that they could be more than hunters. That they had a legacy to be Men of Letters. This was clearly a scotch moment so Dean walked over to the decanter on the bookshelf and poured them two glasses of scotch instead.

 

“So, uh, what? Aaron's a J.I., and... you're a Man of Letters now? Is that it?” Dean noticed the uncertain look on his brother’s face as he set one of the glasses in front of him. He grinned at his brother: “Good.”

 

Sam looked relieved and Dean sat down on the other side of the table, putting his feet up on it and leaning back in his chair. They tilted their glasses towards each other before they shared their first scotch together in the bunker. It felt like coming home, like finally being at the right place – except that someone was missing and it made Dean's heart ache more than he was ready to admit to himself.

 

“So, any word from Cas?” Sam asked. He tried to sound nonchalant about it, but it was like he had just read Dean’s mind. Although, Dean guessed his thoughts were probably very obviously written all over his face. He shook his head. “I tried to call him, but it went straight to voice mail.”

 

Sam looked at his brother with a concerned expression: “I'm sure, he's alright.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and mumbled: “Have to teach him how to write a note...”

 

Sam had a small smile on his lips as he looked at Dean with a curious look. Dean tried to ignore him but he finally gave in and decided to just deal with Sammy’s questions. “What?”

 

Sam shrugged and slowly put the paper he was writing on back on the table: “So this thing with Cas... Is it... like serious?”

 

Dean turned the glass of scotch in his hand a few times before he answered quietly: “Yes. Yes it is.”

 

His younger brother smiled warmly and nodded: “That's good. I'm happy for you, Dean. You both deserve something good and I'm glad you two found each other.”

 

Dean chewed on his lower lip, pondering whether he should tell Sam everything about his new relationship with Cas – well, the bonding part in particular. He sighed defeatedly and decided to be truthful about it. Sam would find out at some point anyway and he would rather tell his brother himself than letting him accidentally bump into this information on his own.

 

“Sam, there's something I gotta tell you about this.” Dean put his glass back on the table and turned around in his chair to briefly look at his brother with a serious face, before looking back at his glass. Sam nodded and Dean felt his brother’s concerned gaze on him while he mused about how he should start explaining this whole bond thing to his brother.

 

“Remember when Cas said that he and I share a profound bond? Kinda more to it than just a phrase. When Cas saved me from Hell there was a connection between his grace and my soul and they kind of... mingled.” Dean looked up at Sam's surprised and widened eyes.

 

“And what does that mean, Dean?” Sam asked after a few seconds of silence between them where Dean didn't know how to tell the story further.

 

“We started a bond between us and there is a ritual to complete it. If we complete it we're bonded for the rest of our life – even beyond that for me. We can read each other's emotions and thoughts – I can even see his wings.”

 

There were so many questions Sam wanted to ask, the first one was out before he could even think about it: “And do you both want to do this ritual? God, I have so many questions... I mean, um, is that a good idea? I mean, will that have any consequences for Cas? I can't believe the other angels will be fine with that, right? And wow, that really sound like a serious commitment, Dean. Look, I just mean, have you really thought about that?”

 

“I know Sammy, I know. I’ve thought about it a lot over the last few weeks actually. Well, since Cas and I went to Maine and we found out about it. And to answer your question: Yes, I want to be bonded to him and he wants it too. It's a risk for him because it's against some frickin' angel rule and if it's too dangerous for him I won't do it, but with Gabriel now back in the field, I think a lot of stuff will change and maybe it'll be okay.”

 

Sam looked at him, mouth wide open in surprise: “Wow, Dean. I can't shake the feeling you just told me you want to be married to Cas.”

 

Dean choked on the sip he just had from his scotch and coughed severely a few times before he could breathe again and huffed a rough: “Bitch!”

 

Sam grinned and gave him an apologetic look: “Sorry, Dean, but you can see that there isn't much difference there, right? Look, I think it's cool. Really. Cas already belongs to our family, right? Just now he isn't just our friend anymore but your husband and my brother-in-law.”

 

Dean seriously hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. That was just too much. He stood up a little too quickly from his chair, making it squeak awkwardly against the floor as it got pushed back.

 

“I – I'll go back to my room and... yeah... I'm tired... Night, Sam,” Dean, obviously flustered, waved awkwardly at his brother, who gazed at him with a shit-eating grin, and retreated quickly to his room. When he closed his door he let out a deep breath he didn't know he had been holding in the first place and tried to silence his quickly thumping heart. He threw himself on his bed with outstretched arms and looked at the ceiling.

 

_My husband._

 

It was just a word but it left a warm, fuzzy feeling inside of him and made him happy beyond belief. Fuck, he was screwed. He had it bad for his angel. If that wasn't clear before, it was certainly clear now.

 

A few seconds later his cell phone rang and when Dean saw Castiel’s name on the display he couldn’t suppress the smile that seemed to almost reach his ears. His heart began to beat faster and the happiness in his chest felt like it was bubbling over and turning him into a little schoolgirl. He decided to play it cool though, so he cleared his throat and let it ring one more time, before he answered it with the manliest voice he could manage: “What's the word, Cas?”

 

“It's a shortened version of my name,” Cas answered, confused.

 

Dean just smiled. Mr. Literal did it again. “Yes, it is, but what I meant is, what's up? What are you doing?”

 

“I'm with Gabriel and we're speaking to angels who would support us with the changes in Heaven that we want to establish. It's a long and tiresome way, but we have to do it, before we confront Naomi.”

 

“Wow, that sounds actually boring,” Dean deadpanned. “When will you come home?”

 

Cas was silent for a moment before he answered in a quiet and sad voice: “I can't leave at the moment. It's necessary that I stay at Gabriel's side for the time being.”

 

Dean closed his eyes for a second and nodded: “It's okay, Cas. Don't worry. I know how important that stuff is.”

 

“I just wanted to call to tell you that I'm okay and... I miss you, Dean.”

 

Dean smiled sadly: “Miss you, too. Hey, be careful up there, okay? Can't exactly come and bust your ass out if something happens.”

 

“I will and Dean...? Be careful, too. I'll come back the second this is over.”

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Gabriel and Sariel watched Cas with a warm smile on their faces when he joined them again after his call – well Sariel's smile was warm and friendly, Gabriel's was just a shit-eating grin. Cas suppressed the urge to roll his eyes – an expression he most definitely had learned from Sam Winchester as an excellent way of dealing with annoying people, but Cas couldn't find it in him to be annoyed. Other emotions were so much stronger at the moment – above all the longing to see Dean again. But this was too important. He couldn't be with Dean as long as Heaven was out of balance and on a path of destruction and mayhem instead of being the place his father wanted it to be.

 

“Hey lover boy, you ready to confront Naomi? I think we have enough angels on our side now to convince the rest of Heaven.”

 

Cas nodded and thought about the endless hours they had invested in talking to the other angels. They had indeed found a great number of them who were ready to hear them out. A few of his brothers and sisters had even started new factions like Ezekiel, who had always loved earth, and like Rebecca who searched for a peaceful way to get back to their original mission of helping humans in need. On the other hand Ezekiel was always a good soldier, so he was naturally against disobeying orders from Naomi. Gabriel made the difference though. As an archangel he outranked everyone and Ezekiel promised that he and his group would support their course of change. Another angel called Hannah had provided them with more information about the other factions. Their biggest problem was Bartholomew, who didn't want to follow Naomi and doubted Gabriel’s promises to stay in Heaven and take over. Gabriel was only known for staying on the outside of Heaven's business for a long, long time.

 

With the help of Hannah they managed to convince a few other angels, like Ambriel and Eremiel, to change sides and leave Bartholemew’s group, which gave them at least some hope that they could eventually persuade more angels to join them when they challenged Naomi publicly.

 

Rebecca had found a few angels hiding on earth, like Muriel and, to Castiel’s relief, even Inias. When he saw him again he hugged his friend, leaving him confused by the human gesture, but who was, nevertheless, happy to see Castiel alive and well.

 

They had organized a public meeting with Naomi, who wasn’t happy to see Gabriel again, eyeing him with suspicion and anger after having freed Castiel from his prison cell. When they arrived on the vast field in Heaven, surrounded by hundreds of angels, Naomi dramatically walked through them to stand in the middle of the circle they had formed.

 

“You come back after all this time, when we all thought you were dead, only to free a traitor and rebel from prison? Why did you do it, Gabriel? Do you have any idea what Castiel did? The deaths he caused in Heaven?”

 

He looked down at his feet guiltily, only to pick his head back up again when he felt Gabriel’s hand on his shoulder.

 

“Oh sister, sister, sister,” Gabriel scolded: “Let me tell you a story about our good old Cas.” He stepped in front of Naomi. “He was the only angel brave enough to question a wrong order from a corrupt Heaven and step up when our father's creation was in danger of being destroyed. He was killed by Raphael and by Lucifer himself for that and was rewarded and resurrected twice by God for his loyalty. After that he stepped up to fight against Raphael who, once again, wanted to destroy the world. And yes, he did make some horrible mistakes while he was fighting Raphael, but that wasn't his fault. He was desperate, alone, and way too weak to fight against an archangel. It was my fault that Cas had to do this. It was my responsibility, but I couldn't kill my own brother. I was never a soldier like Castiel. He died in that fight and still, father resurrected him again – despite his mistakes. Because at the end he did the right thing. He fought against the Leviathans inside of him, he protected father's creation with his whole existence and gave his life for it – how many of you can say the same? And this is our job. This is our original mission and I wonder when we forgot about this?”

 

Castiel watched his brother in awe while he spoke. He had never seen Gabriel this serious, he didn’t even think Gabriel could be serious about anything. But, then again, he knew how much Gabriel loved humankind. That was something they had in common. He just wondered what had changed to cause him to start acting on it and fighting for a better Heaven for a change.

 

Naomi’s eyes were cold as she answered Gabriel’s question: “I’m not denying that Castiel performed some good deeds for Heaven. Why do you think I ordered for him to be rescued from Purgatory? I also agree with you that we should get back to our original mission and help humans. But we need rules and we need angels to follow them. Castiel is a danger to us because he loves a human. And not just any human but Dean Winchester – Michael's vessel. He is a bad and destructive influence on Castiel and he corrupted him with these emotions. We all know it's forbidden, we all know that emotions lead to doubt and disobedience. We all know that emotions were the reason that Lucifer fell. If Castiel is allowed to follow this way, he will rebel and will stand against us. We have to rescue him from this path. It's our responsibility to never let anything like Lucifer's corruption happen again.”

 

Gabriel sighed and gestured at Joshua and Castiel to stand next to him: “I understand your concern, sister, but there is something you don’t know. In fact, there is something you all don’t know and it was kept from you because the angels in power were afraid you would disobey while they supported the ongoing apocalypse. Joshua?”

 

Joshua nodded and smiled warmly at the other angels. “Father did more than resurrect Castiel from the dead. He also gave him a reward for his loyalty. He is marked by our father to be Dean Winchester's soul mate.”

 

Castiel heard the other angels gasping and murmuring after that reveal. Joshua had showed him the mark before and told him that he had gotten it shortly before he had been killed by Raphael. He looked at the assembled group of angels around him, took in their disbelieving looks and their shocked glances. He nodded at Joshua, who slowly touched Castiel's chest.

 

“I'll show you,” Joshua held his other hand in the air and it began to glow. A sign appeared in the swirling light that formed in front of his hand for every angel to see, showing the mark of God on Castiel’s grace. The proof that he was indeed Dean Winchester's soul mate and that their father approved of the love between an angel and a human. A sight that made Castiel happy and thankful to a father with whom he had a more than strained relationship with in the past years.

 

The angels looked in awe at the sign – everyone felt God's warmth in the light, reminding them of the time when he was still in Heaven with them. Nobody ever saw him really except a few special angels, but Heaven just felt different with him still there – warmer, lighter and filled with His love.

 

The sign slowly vanished when Joshua dropped his hands: “As you all can see, it's God's will. It can't be forbidden, when it's His will.”

 

Naomi slowly shook his head: “No, we don't have soul mates. Everyone knows that, because we don't have souls. This is just a trick to...”

 

“I’m afraid it’s true,” a voice came from behind them, “Oh please, accept your loss with grace, my dear” They all turned around to see that another angel had stepped into the circle. An angel who also had been staying away from Heaven for a long time.

 

Metatron.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

They drove to Garth’s houseboat after Kevin had called Dean with an ominous message telling them that they should come immediately. When they arrived, guns ready and prepared for anything, they found Kevin puking his guts out – well not literally, thank God – otherwise it would have meant “Witches” and Dean really hated them.

 

Kevin stumbled back to his desk, wiping his bloody nose and slumping down in his chair with a heavy sigh.

 

“Wow. You look like hammered crap,” Dean noted when he gave the kid a once-over.

 

“Yeah,” Kevin answered, sounding like he had a nasty cold.

 

Sam sat next to him with a concerned look on his face: “Are you sleeping?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Are you eating?” Dean asked surprised and concerned by the prophet's current shape.

 

“Hot dogs, mostly,” Kevin shrugged tiredly.

 

“Sure, yeah -- breakfast of champions. Look, I'm gonna feel dirty saying this, but you might want a salad and a shower.” Dean actually winced when he said the word 'salad' and his brother rolled his eyes.

 

“I know, and I've been getting bad headaches and nosebleeds, and I think maybe I had a small stroke. But it was worth it,” Kevin looked at them both and smiled.

 

“What was worth it?” Sam asked with a curious expression.

 

Kevin's grin got a bit wider when he said: ”I figured out how to close the Gates of Hell.”

 

The hunters gaped at him in stunned silence. Dean was the first who found his speech again: “You --”

 

The hunter looked at Sam and they both started to chuckle.

 

“Come here, you smelly son of a bitch.” Dean gave Kevin a big hug and even lifted him up off the ground while they all laughed happily.

 

Sam clasped his hands in excitement: “Okay, okay. So, what does this mean? What are we looking at?”

 

“It's a spell. And it's just a few words of Enochian, but...” Kevin handed Dean a piece of paper with Enochian words scribbled on it.

 

“Oh, here we go,” Dean said knowingly. There was always a catch.

 

“...the spell has to be spoken after you finish each of the three trials,” Kevin finished explaining.

 

“T-trials like, uh, like 'Law & Order'?” Sam asked confused.

 

Kevin shook his head: “More like Hercules. The tablet says, "Whosoever chooses to undertake these tasks should fear not danger, nor death, nor..." A word I think means getting your spine ripped out through your mouth for all eternity.”

 

Dean gave him a sarcastic grin: “Good times.”

 

The young prophet nodded: “Basically, God built a series of tests, and when you've done all three, you can slam the gates.”

 

“All right. Where do we start?” Dean asked gruffly.

 

“I've only been able to crack one of the tests so far, and it's gross. You've got to kill a hound of Hell and bathe in its blood.” Kevin grimaced when he told them and looked a bit paler than before – as if he was about to vomit again.

 

“Awesome. Hey, if this means icing all demons, I got no problem gutting some devil dog and letting Calgon take me away,” Dean shrugged nonchalantly. He knew big opportunities like that always came with a big price tag, but there was nothing he wasn't willing to pay for closing Hell forever. Even if it meant giving his life.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Metatron strode through the assembled angels with a smug grin. “Hello Naomi, Looks like I'm back right in time to see the last one of the old hierarchy fall.”

 

He turned around to the other angels as he addressed them in a serious manner: “Joshua is right. The sign is legitimate and I know for a fact that our father always wanted us to feel and to love. Naomi was always loyal to the archangels. She wanted to 'debrief' me after our father left us. In other words, she wanted to get her hands on all of our father's secrets and use them to control the rest of you. Our father left because he wanted to set us free. And it's time we take our freedom. I'm back because I want to join your course, Gabriel. I want Heaven to be the place our father always intended it to be.”

 

Gabriel grinned at Metatron: “Well then, welcome to Team Gabriel for president. I'll take flowers and chocolate for donations.”

 

Naomi squinted at Metatron and held her hands up in defense. “Okay, fine. You seem to have convinced most of the angels. I will be faithful to you, Gabriel, and I just hope you’re right. I only want what's best for Heaven and our kind. I hope you know that.”

 

Gabriel nodded and laid his hand on her shoulder: “I believe you, sister. Don't worry. Everything will be fine.”

 

Castiel smiled at Gabriel and for the first time he had hope again that indeed everything would get better.

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

It was easier to find a Hellhound than they thought and on top of that they saved a girl who had sold her soul to save her mother. And really – Dean got the reason. Family was everything.

 

Fighting Crowley’s pet was nasty and it reminded him of the first time a Hellhound ripped him apart. It bit into his arm and hand before the hunter was able to slice the hound’s belly as it sat on top of him trying to get to his throat. The black blood of the beast covered Dean everywhere and Dean pushed the dead dog away from him with a disgusted grunt.

 

He took a second to lay on the ground, smiling a dumb smile now that the first trial was done and they were one step closer to closing the fucking gates of Hell. One step closer to giving his brother the life he deserved.

 

Sam helped Dean up from the ground and the older hunter looked at him with a raised eyebrow: “I told you to stay in.”

 

Sam shrugged: “Sorry, I couldn't let you face this thing alone.”

 

Dean patted him with his uninjured hand and grinned as he looked down at himself: “I think that counts as bathed in the blood of a Hellhound, right? What are the words?”

 

Sam gave Dean a sad look: “It's a suicide mission for you, right?”

 

Dean didn't answer – he just looked down at the ground to his feet.

 

“Look, I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want you to survive it. I want you to live. You have friends up here, family. You have Cas. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't -- I am. But it's there. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius -- when it comes to lore, to -- you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen -- better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. You have everything worth living for, so please don't sell yourself short and turning this into a suicide mission. You're strong. You won't die.”

 

Sam gave Dean the note with the ritual words and Dean looked up at his brother with a mixed expression of sadness and determination. Sam looked like he really believed the stuff he just said, but Dean just knew there was always a price to pay for this shit. Nothing good ever comes for free or without a catch. That was how life worked. He looked down on the note and read the Enochian words out load: “Kah-nuh-ahm-dahr.”

 

For a short second nothing happened but then a sharp pain in Dean's arm made him gasp and fall onto his knees. The note fell from his hand and he grimaced in pain when his hand and arm started to glow in a white light.

 

“Dean! Dean?” The concerned voice of his brother next to him sounded muffled through the loud pain that was rushing through his ears, but then it slowly ebbed away and Dean sighed in relief.

 

“I'm okay. I'm good. I've got this.” The glow from his arm faded away and he grabbed the fallen note with the words.

 

He would do this – whatever the costs.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

On their way back to the bunker they took Kevin and his stuff with them. Garth seemed to be AWOL and they couldn't leave the prophet alone on the boat with such a crucial role in the task of closing Hell forever. It was nice having him around and not having to worry about him anymore. The bunker was the safest place on earth and it made them all sleep a tad better. Kevin loved the bunker, especially the library – he was just as big a nerd as Sam was.

 

Dean went back to his room to call Cas. They hadn’t talked fo three days but Dean was sure he was fine. He had planned on praying to him every day so that Cas would at least hear him, but when he got the information about the trials he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to tell his… Dean still hadn’t figured out what to call the angel in his mind. ‘Boyfriend’ sounded too much like he was a girl in high school, ‘partner’ sounded like work, ‘lover’ was just… not okay… ‘His angel.’ Yep, that was alright. At least in his mind. It wasn’t like there were any people in Dean’s life who he had to introduce Cas to – everybody he cared about was either dead or knew Cas already.

 

_Husband..._

 

Dean blushed. _Yeah, maybe that would work, too... Later... when they were bonded and shit..._

 

His gaze fell on the picture of his mom on the nightstand. He carefully picked it up and smiled at the photo.

 

“Hey, mom. You know, you were right that angels are watching over me. Well one in particular... my angel. I wish you could have met him. I'm sure you would have liked Cas.”

 

Dean looked at his mom for another few moments in silence, picturing her in their old house eating pie with him and Cas on a nice, sunny afternoon. He sighed and put the photo back against the lamp on the nightstand before he folded his hands and looked up at the ceiling.

 

“Hey Cas, we're back in the bunker. I got news that we should talk about in person, so whenever you have the time...”

 

He heard the familiar flapping of wings and a second later Cas was standing next to his bed – looking as disheveled as ever. “Hello, Dean.”

 

Dean grinned and jumped off the bed to hug his angel. Cas smiled and hugged him back: “I've missed you, Dean.” He kissed Dean's throat where he had rested his head on his shoulder and Dean sighed when he felt the angel's lips on him and the rough stubble of his five o'clock shadow rubbing against his skin. There was time to talk later – first he had to get Cas out of his clothes. Now. Like yesterday.

 

The hunter pushed the trench coat off his shoulders and leaned back in their embrace to kiss Cas for real. God, he tasted so good. He had almost forgotten how perfect it felt to kiss the angel. Dean buried his hands in Cas's ruffled hair and stroked through it when a sudden pain in his left arm protested about the movement. He groaned and pulled the arm back, almost forgetting about the injury the Hellhound had caused him. Cas pulled back and squinted his eyes. “You're injured.” He held up two fingers to Dean's forehead to heal him but Dean could tell something wasn't right when Cas’s expression turned even more confused while healing the injuries. Dean moved his healed arm and hand and grinned at his angel: “Thanks Cas.”

 

“Something isn't right, Dean. There is another injury deep inside your body. It seems to be on an sub-atomic level and I can't seem to heal it.”

 

“Yeah, about that,” Dean scratched his head. “That was one of the reasons why I called you actually. I have to tell you something.” Dean sat down on the bed and patted the space next to him so that Cas would sit down. Cas followed the invitation – his expression a mix between concern and 'What-have-you-done?'.

 

“Kevin found a way to close the Gates of Hell forever.”

 

“How?”

 

“There are three trials I have to do and that's it. No more hell monkeys on earth and Sam can finally get back to a normal life. First trial was to bathe in the blood of a Hellhound and I did that. The Hellhound injured me in the fight, I guess the other injury is from the ritual of the trial.”

 

Cas stared at him in silence, a shocked look on his face: “You think these trials will kill you.”

 

Dean sighed defeatedly: “Cas, you of all people know, how these things work. There is always a price to pay. Sam thinks I'll make it through but we know better, right? This is important, Cas. Even if I'll die I can't give up this chance. It's more important than everything.”

 

_Even us._

 

“I see, but you won't die, Dean. I won't let you. I'll find a way to heal you.”

 

Dean shook his head: “No, you won't. We can't risk that these trials will fail, just because you want to save my life.” The hunter laid his hands on the angel’s shoulder and looked into his beautiful, blue eyes.

“Cas... If we get bonded before that my soul goes to Heaven, right? We wouldn't get separated...”

 

Cas nodded, his voice was quiet: “But I don't want you to die...”

 

Dean rubbed his hand over his stubble and kissed him again, deep and with the desperation of an imminent loss before them. When he pulled back and looked at his angel, he smiled sadly at him: “How did it go up there? Gabriel running the show now?”

 

Cas nodded: “Yes, I actually met an angel we could ask about the trials. He was the one who wrote the tablets in the first place. His name is Metatron. He was the scribe of God. He came out of hiding when he noticed the regime change in Heaven.”

 

“That's actually great news, Cas, “ Dean grinned before he asked hesitantly: “ And what about our bond? Are you allowed to do it? I don't want you to get in trouble because of me.”

 

“Our bond is actually the reason for the changes that are happening in Heaven now. We had to convince the other angels that our path was right, that it was the path that our father wanted for us. I had to reveal the mark on my grace where God had touched me to approve of our bond. The mark that made us into soul mates.”

 

Dean stared at Cas for a few seconds while he processed the information Cas had just told him. A cold feeling of doubt gripped his heart achingly as he slowly asked: “I don't understand. Is that like what the Cupids did with my parents? Did God just meddle with us until we loved each other – just because he wanted it?”

 

Dean felt his head spin with anger. Back then the Cupid had told him that his parents didn’t even like each other before the angels meddled with them till they were deeply in love, just because Heaven wanted their perfect angel condoms for Michael and Lucifer to wear for the apocalypse.

 

Did that mean Cas's love for him wasn't real? Or even Dean's love for him?

 

Cas took a step in front of Dean and laid his hands on his shoulders. “No, Dean. God's marked us for being soul mates – not for love. That came solely from us. I was touched by God before Raphael killed me. I loved you long before that.”

 

Dean didn't know what to say for a few seconds. He felt the anger inside him draining away quickly with Castiel's admission. He wasn't aware that Cas had loved him for such a long time. But on the other hand Dean was sure that he had loved the angel just as long, he only hadn't recognized it before.

 

“Oh... okay... What? Wait a second. You said you were touched by God? You've met him?”

 

Cas looked sad and confused for a second: “No, at least I can't recall. He works in mysterious ways. I only know the time from Joshua. He could read the mark.”

 

“Oh...right....That's strange...So we weren't soul mates when you rescued me from Hell, but we still initialized a bond... I don't get it...”

 

If Dean didn't know better he could swear that Cas blushed nervously. “You can't remember the time when I rescued you, but I can. It wasn't easy to get to you, but it was easy to find you in Hell, Dean. Your soul is like a beacon. It holds the most beautiful light I've ever seen and I think that I fell in love with you right in that moment.”

 

Dean was speechless for a minute before he felt a flustered blush creeping up into his face. He coughed roughly and replied with a gruff voice: “If anyone asks, you're the girl in this relationship...”

 

Cas answered with a confused head tilt: “I'm not a gi...”

 

Dean interrupted him with a deep, passionate kiss – pulling his angel close to his body as he buried his hands deep in his black, soft hair. When they separated again Dean chuckled and Cas smiled warmly at him in reply: “What I wanted to tell you is that the ritual to complete a bond only works for soul mates. There is nothing in our way. We can do it, if you want to.”

 

“I want to, Cas.”

 

 

**TBC**

 

**By the way:**

 

Remember when God touched Castiel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the bonding, yeahhh! Thanks to everyone who wrote comments and left kudos. I'm so happy that so many of you like this story! And please don't worry about the work in progress thing. I will finish this story no matter what, I always do. I sometimes have longer update gaps cause of my work, but I'll always finish my stories. 
> 
> And as always a huge thanks to my amazing Beta drunk_idjit from whom I've learned so much about writing in English and who is a huge support in this story!


	10. Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul

**Chapter 10: Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul**

 

_So you can keep me_

_Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet_

_You won't ever be alone_

_And I won’t ever let you go_

_Wait for me to come home_

_Next to your heartbeat where I should be_

_Keep it deep within your soul_

 

_Ed Sheeran – Photograph_

 

“What do we need for the ritual?” Dean asked breathlessly, as soon as Cas broke off their kiss for a second to get some much needed air.

 

“A few candles, paint to draw a sigil on the floor and it would help if we were not disturbed. I could take us anywhere you want, Dean.”

 

Dean thought about that for a second as he looked around the room. “You know, ever since I was a kid I was always somewhere else. This is the first time I actually have a place I can call home. I want this to happen here, in my room.” He shook his head, slightly. “In our room.”

 

Cas smiled and nodded: “Then you should make sure your brother won't disturb us.”

 

“And Kevin...”

 

Cas tilted his head back, curiously and Dean explained that Kevin was living with them now, too. “Okay Cas, wait here. I'll be right back.”

 

Dean checked out the library, the last place he had seen his brother and Kevin. Sam looked up from his book when he entered the room, but Kevin didn’t acknowledge him at all. At least he had a glass of water and some rabbit food next to the books he had laying around the table. Now he just had to actually eat it.

 

Dean sighed and gave a slight shake of his head before glancing back at his brother. “Cas is back and we don’t want to be disturbed for the next few hours. I mean seriously, doesn’t matter if it’s life or death, just don’t go near my room, okay? Also, do we have some candles anywhere, and uh... paint? Preferably the kind of paint that’s easy to clean up?"

 

Sam's eyes went wide as he asked, cautiously: “I'm afraid to ask, but what do you need it for?”

 

“The ritual I told you about.”

 

His brother's eyes got impossibly wide and he gasped: “Wow, that's... uh...fast... Are you sure...? I mean... Wow....”

 

“Sam, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life,” Dean answered in a serious tone before he added smugly: “And it's not fast. I count the last four years as foreplay.”

 

Sam grimaced: “TMI, man, but thanks for the warning. I think there are still candles and paint in the supply room.”

 

Dean nodded and was about to turn around when Sam asked: “I don't even know what to say to you. That's a big step and...”

 

“Yeah, yeah you don't need to say shit. Just stay away from our room.”

 

Sam clutched his hand to his heart in an exaggerated, overly theatrical way and mouthed the word ‘Awww,’ before Dean even realized that he had just slipped up and said ‘our room’ to his brother. He rolled his eyes and turned to Kevin, who had ignored the whole conversation he just had with his little brother.

 

“Kevin? Hey, Kevin?” The kid looked up with a confused expression as if he just had realized that Dean was even in the room. Dean rolled his eyes again and pointed at the food on the table: “Eat your rabbit food, kid!”

 

Picking up the pace, the hunter left the library and went straight to the supply room to get the stuff for the ritual. His thoughts were running wild with expectations as it slowly began to sink in what he was about to do. This was happening now. For real. They were going to complete the bonding ritual and they would stay together – forever. His heart skipped a few beats, when he realized how happy the thought made him. He'd never thought he'd get to the point in his life where someone would make him feel that way. That he would find happiness. He had been so sure that he would have just ended up being killed by some monster, alone somewhere in a dead end dirty alley.

 

Dean rummaged through the shelves in the small supply room and found a few white candles in a small, brown cardboard box. “That’ll do,” he murmured to himself as he searched for the paint. His thoughts drifted back to Cas again and what he planned on doing with him when he got back in his room.

 

 _Fuck_ , sex with his angel was just awesome on so many levels – he couldn't wait to try new things with Castiel, teaching him all the good stuff they could do with each other. And Dean wanted Cas to experience everything, to feel everything... He knew that would mean he had to 'switch sides' at some point but, although Dean was a bit nervous about that, he wanted to give this to his angel.

 

He just hoped he had enough time left... and Dean stopped his thoughts right there. Now was not the time for negative thoughts.

 

This was a happy day for Dean, because for the first time in his life, he was doing something just for himself. Something to make him feel good. His brother had compared this ritual to a marriage and Dean knew he was right. It certainly felt that way. He even thought about buying a ring for Cas at some point. The thought made Dean smile and his heart beat faster. _God_ , he knew it was sappy and everything, but he felt better than he had in a long, long time.

 

The hunter quickly resumed his task of finding the paint and nearly let out an embarrassing squeak when he successfully found a pot of white paint under the shelves, with a paintbrush laying on top of the lid.

 

He took everything in a hasty rush (nearly dropped the candles in the process, but who's judging) and headed back to his room as fast as he could. He grinned widely when Cas took the paint out of his hand with a smile and opened the lid to inspect the color.

 

“Where should I put the candles?” Dean asked impatiently, as he watched Cas glance around the room, to the bed, and back to the paint, before answering, “I have to paint the sigil first. We have to be inside of the circle so I need to paint it around the bed.”

 

“My bed is against the wall, “ Dean supplied thoughtfully and Cas nodded. “We have to move it into the middle of the room.” The hunter nodded and pulled his bed forward, grimacing at the squeaking noise it made when it scratched across the floor. “Like that?”

 

“Yes, that's enough.” Cas started drawing a circle of white paint around the bed, adding strange letters that Dean recognized as Enochian in equal distances around it. When he finished he tilted his head and briefly looked over it to review his work. “The candles go on the words for 'Eternity', 'Grace', 'Soul' and 'Bond'.” Cas pointed at each of the words and Dean happily lighted the candles at these positions.

 

When he was done with the task, he threw the matchbox on his desk and turned around to look at Cas. There was an awkward silence between them, where neither of them knew what to say or how to start. This was a huge moment in both of their lives and it seemed like the right time to say something meaningful, but Dean’s mind was completely blank. Cas seemed out of his depth too, and that actually made Dean feel a lot better. He grinned and stepped in front of his angel, taking the loose, backwards tie in his fingers and pulling Cas close to him: “C’mere.”

 

The hunter took in Cas’s almost shy and insecure expression. Wide, blue eyes staring at him like he wasn’t sure that this was really happening. Dean’s fingers found their way into the angel’s dark hair as he slowly started kissing him. He was still surprised at how quickly he got aroused by just kissing Castiel. Feeling the first, tentative touches of the angel’s tongue on his, feeling him getting braver while exploring his mouth – things that let the hunter feel a sudden spark of protectiveness and possessiveness over the angel. He pushed Cas back against the desk in his room and quickly freed him from his trench coat and suit jacket before his hands flew back to Cas’s tie as he began to unknot it. Cas’s arm had been dangling at his side up until this point – Dean was already used to the fact that Cas never really knew what to do with his arms – but now he was finally catching up, laying his hands on Dean’s chest as he worked to unbutton the hunter’s shirt.

 

He grinned against the angel's lips as he quickly opened Cas's shirt, groaning when the angel's warm, strong hands roamed over his now exposed chest, resulted in him pushing Cas into the desk again, pressing his body close to him. Dean's hands fell down to the angel's belt buckle, undoing it while licking over his upper lip, enjoying Cas's fast breathing and dark, lust-filledeyes.

 

“Dean...,” Cas growled and pushed Dean back towards the bed – suddenly the rest of their clothes were gone. Dean looked down at them surprised: “Did you just mojoed our clothes away?”

 

Yes, this was taking too long.” Cas replied in a raspy, deep voice and then kissed him again as he pushed Dean down on the bed. As Dean went down, he pulled the angel with him – on top of him, and Dean’s mind suddenly registered how dominant Cas just got with him. The hunter wasn’t used to this. The only other occasion where Cas had shown him how powerful and strong he was had resulted in him getting his ass beat, and that was something Dean would rather forget.

 

Dean pushed himself up, interrupting their frantic kiss by putting his hand over Cas’s mouth. “Cas, wait…” Dean felt Cas’s body go rigid over him, with the angel looking nervously at him as if he was afraid he had done something wrong. Dean gave him a warm, reassuring smile and slid his hand off of Cas’s mouth slowly until only his fingertips laid tenderly on his lips. “I just wanna take it slow, you know… special occasion and so on…” Cas’s eyes widened in realization and he nodded: “I’m sorry.”

 

Dean gave a slight shake of his head: “Don’t… This is great, Cas…” The hunter let his hands slide down from Cas’s lips to his scratchy throat and down to his shoulders. “Feels… so good….” He kissed Cas’s throat, letting his lips wander over to the angel’s earlobe, enjoying the way Cas took in a sharp breath as he licked the outer shell of his ear. His hands roamed over Castiel’s chest and down to his stomach before gripping his hips and turned them around on the bed. Castiel looked at him with wide eyes and Dean just smiled, thinking of how much he loved the little dork.

 

“So how does the ritual work?” Dean asked, burying his hands in Cas’s hair as they stared deeply into each other’s eyes.

 

“We both have to say a few words in Enochian and then we..., “Cas replied softly before he suddenly pushed himself and Dean up on the bed so that they were kneeling in front of each other. Cas looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a telling gaze. When the angel was sure he had Dean's undivided attention he recited the words: “OLANI DLVGAR OL IO-IAD"

 

Dean would never – not even under torture – admit how much of a turn on it was when Cas spoke in Enochian. His deep voice growling out the ancient words, God he wished he could hear him talking like that more often. “What does it mean?” He asked breathlessly, his gaze transfixed on Cas's lips.

 

“It means 'I give myself to you forever'...” Cas’s right hand slid slowly down from his neck over his left shoulder and onto the faded hand print – leaving a trail of goosebumps on Dean's skin – before the contact opened the connection between them. Dean smiled at Cas openly when he felt the love, excitement and happiness of his angel through their bond – feeling more assured than ever that he was doing the right thing here. “Repeat the words a bit slower,” Dean asked as he let his fingers thread lovingly through Cas’s hair.

 

The angel nodded slowly and repeated the words carefully, making sure that Dean could understand and remember every syllable. Dean repeated the words correctly in just one attempt and Cas smiled at him with pure happiness and warmth before he gave into the urge to pull Dean close to his body and kiss him deeply. Dean’s hands moved from his shoulders to that spot between his shoulder blades, feeling the invisible feathers softly under his hands. “I wanna see your wings…” Dean murmured against the angel’s lips and Cas’s breath hitched when Dean pressed strong hands into his back, right where his wings were located. They appeared after a few seconds, as if from nowhere, and Dean watched in awe how they spread into the room, the tip of both wings touching the ceiling. Dean looked back at Cas when he felt Cas’s insecurity through the bond, a feeling that was confirmed in the expression on Castiel’s face when he looked back at Dean. The hunter smiled warmly at him, trying to send all the love that he was feeling for his angel through the bond before kissing him and lowering him down on the bed again.

 

This was it. It strangely felt like having a wedding night and Dean supposed that it was a lot like that. This was the promise to stay together, to be one – to never be alone again. This was special and Dean wanted it to be perfect.

 

Cas looked breathtaking under him, with his parted, kiss swollen lips, his blown pupils and messy hair that was sticking in every direction, framed by the massive, dark wings that were lying on his bed.

 

_God, you look so fucking beautiful..._

 

And it made Dean happy that he didn’t even have to say anything because Cas could hear him. He saw his angel smile happily and he leaned down to give him an open mouth kiss, licking his lips and letting their hot, quick breaths mingle. Dean rocked his hips into Cas, feeling their arousal through the bond and his erection leaving wet spots on the angel’s heated skin. Cas gasped, his open mouth finding Dean’s throat to taste the skin, licking it and biting softly at the now hot and wet skin. Dean closed his eyes as he shifted his weight on his left arm, letting his right hand wander between them, stroking tenderly over Cas’s erection. Cas pushed his head into the pillow, eyes shut – panting and biting his lower lip: “Dean… Dean, please…”

 

The hunter knew what Cas wanted and he was more than willing to give it to him. His fingers were already slick with pre-come and he used it to caress him, pushing slowly into him – determined to make this as good and as perfect for Cas as he could. Although Cas never complained, and he knew the angel couldn’t feel any pain, he knew he could feel lust and he wanted to make the angel crazy with it. It didn’t take him long to find the right spot and when Dean started stroking Cas’s erection with his other hand, he was rewarded with a gasping and writhing angel under him that took his breath away. Literally – because it wasn’t just the sight of Cas losing it, but also that the hunter could feel what Cas felt through their bond… and that was just _fucking awesome_ on an epic scale.

 

“Dean... please... please...,” Cas pleaded, his voice rough and hushed, his hands clawing desperately in the sheets. Even if he had wanted to, Dean couldn't take this any longer than Cas could. He kissed the angel quickly before he positioned himself between his legs. “Look at me, Cas.”

 

Cas opened his eyes, his face was flushed and his breathing ragged when his intense blue eyes found Dean’s open green ones. Dean forced his eyes to stay open when he slowly entered the angel. He wanted to see everything, drinking in Cas’s expression when they’d finally been united again. The strange thing was that even though Cas was so obviously an angel, with his beautiful wings spread out under him, he was also surprisingly human in some ways. Especially now as his eyes mirrored all the emotions that the hunter was feeling at the moment – the happiness, the surprise that they had both found peace in each other and that all the insecurities and pain they shared would finally yield into the strength of their newfound bond. Dean felt the connection between them getting deeper. He had the feeling that every sensation, every touch, got more intense – at some point, he didn’t even know where he ended and Cas began. It was hard to think anything anymore – he was so lost completely in their shared emotions when he felt himself come deep inside his angel, feeling Cas’s orgasm hit him at the same time.

 

They looked at each other, wide-eyed and breathing fast. Dean let his open mouth hover over Cas’s lips for a few seconds before sinking down to kiss him slowly. Cas carefully pushed the hunter over to the side next to him so that he could rest his arms. A gesture that Dean was grateful for, and he suspected that Cas must have learned that bit of information from their now shared bond.

 

That was when it hit him. They were bonded now! He didn't feel the normal, painful separation he had felt before when they had been in bed together. He felt Cas's presence steadily like a constant reassurance in the background. He felt his happiness, his love and something that felt suspiciously like amusement. Dean was confused as he had thought he could read the angel's thoughts now, but he got nothing but emotions. Cas grinned slightly, amusement clearly written in his eyes.

 

_You look confused._

 

Dean's eyes went wide with surprise. He could hear Cas's voice in his head without the detour of going through his ears: “It really works, right? But I thought I could read your mind?”

 

Cas shook his head slightly: “Only thoughts we want to share. Otherwise we would give each other headaches. It takes a bit of practice. At the moment you’re sharing a lot...”

 

“Um... fuck... um, sorry, I don't know how to stop,” Dean managed to say, flustered and exasperated.

 

Cas gave him a quick kiss and held two fingers to his forehead. Dean felt his mind clear and his heart beat slowly getting back to a normal pace. He opened his eyes again – hadn't even realized that he had closed them – and met Castiel’s blue ones, calmly looking at him, smiling as he explained in a soft, deep voice: “Try to imagine your own thoughts in an unbroken circle. Think of something you want to share with me and push this thought outside the circle.”

 

Dean concentrated on Cas's words, picturing a bright, white circle in his mind, like the one Cas had painted around their bed, and tried to think of something – a thought he wanted to share with his angel. He looked at his patient expression, glad that he always seemed to understand the hunter. Dean knew that Cas completed him in so many ways, and just saying that he loved him for that, just wasn't enough.

 

He was glad that he finally got the chance to experience his feelings for Cas differently than he had before – for the first time in his life he felt that he had a chance to be happy for some time, before he finally bit the dust. Dean looked at the angel and finally knew what to say to him.

 

_Thank you, Cas._

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Crowley was having a bad day. Not only had he lost half of the demon tablet to the bloody Winchesters, but now he had a Knight of Hell on his ass, who didn’t even hide the fact that she wanted his throne and even said so to him blatantly in front of his whole court. To be specific, she said that she wanted his head on a spike.

 

At least he got himself a bit more time, since they had both agreed that finding the other half of the demon tablet before the Winchesters knew every secret about them was the priority at the moment. They couldn’t afford to get sidetracked and divided in these dangerous times. Abaddon may have underestimated the hunters because she didn’t know them well enough, but that didn’t mean Crowley would be making the same mistake.

 

At the same time, Crowley had information about the existence of an angel tablet in his backhand and he was working on a way to track it down. And by working on a way, he meant torturing that little demon bitch Meg, who knew Lucifer’s crypts back in the day and he bet that the archangel had the tablet hidden somewhere in them.

 

His day got worse, though, when he got the news that the Winchesters had killed one of his beloved hellhounds. And, really? Why couldn’t they start…like a hobby? Like collecting stamps or maybe just freaking die from alcohol poisoning already. With the amount of alcohol in the hunter’s blood the last time he had snatched the squirrel-Winchester, it was a surprise that his liver was still even functioning.

 

He guessed that was due to the Winchester's pet angel, who was unfortunately back in the game.

 

Crowley squinted his eyes as he walked through the library dungeon in Hell. Wouldn't be a bad thing to start collecting information on how he could get rid of that Abaddon bitch, too – preferably without him involved in any danger and even more preferably if he got rid of the Winchesters that way too.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

The table in front of the hunter was covered with large wooden and cardboard boxes. Dean reached into one of the large wooden boxes and pulled out a smaller rectangular box with a glass lid. In it was the tip of a spear.

 

“What the hell is this?” Dean sighed and turned the box to read the label on it: “Spear of Destiny? What is this -- God's toothpick?”

 

Sam sat in the control room at the table and didn't even look up from his laptop when Dean talked to him again: “You know, would it have killed these asshats to label these boxes in something other than hieroglyphics? It's ridiculous.” Dean picked up another small box, opened it and pulled out an object that looked like an egg that he turned over in his hands with a skeptical look.

 

“Hey. You listening to me?”

 

Sam cleared his throat: “Yeah. It's, uh... Fascinating stuff. You should probably, uh, write it all down in your journal for the archives, you know?”

 

“Yeah, thanks. You're a lot of help.” Dean held the red and gold decorated egg to his nose and sniffed at it carefully, before he started to cough violently.

 

Sam looked up with a concerned expression: “Hey, are you alright over there?

 

“Uh, yeah,” Dean coughed into a napkin. When he pulled it away he saw that there was blood on it. He quickly threw it into the trashcan and cleared his throat: “Um... I'm fine. Just, uh, wrong pipe.”

 

The hunter continued, a little slower, with his sorting until he pulled out a folder with an old magazine titled ‘Voluptuous Asian Lovelies.’ Dean chuckled at the picture of the Asian woman on the cover holding a paper parasol. ”Well, hello,“ he grinned as he flipped through the old porn magazine. “These Men of Letters weren't so boring after all. Konnichiwa. Hey, check this out.” Dean walked down into the control room holding the magazine for Sam to see.

 

His brother gave him an exasperated look: ”Dude, what is wrong with you? You just kind of married Cas and as soon as he's away you look at porn?!?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes: “What's wrong with me? You kidding me? This is a first edition, dude. You know what this would go for on eBay?”

 

“No. Why? Do you?”

 

Dean cleared his throat, suddenly flustered: “No. Maybe. Shut up. Oh, and just for the record, Cas and I are not married. And it's not my fault that he had to be somewhere else so suddenly. You know duties always go first. We understand each other like that. So, you find anything?”

 

Dean sat sideways at the map table, trying not to think about how he was kind of disappointed that Cas had to leave so suddenly. He’d hoped they could at least spend the rest of the day together, but who was he kidding? That was never who they were. The job always came first and Dean just had to try not to get his hopes up. He knew where he was headed with the trials and he was trying to enjoy the few days he had left with his family as much as he could – especially without them having to be worried about him all the time.

 

“I did, yeah -- uh, dead bodies showing up all over the Midwest last week. Benton, Indiana; Downers Grove, Illinois; uh, Novi, Michigan; and then again last night in Lincoln Springs, Missouri, “ Sam told him, showing him the trail of bodies on the map.

 

“And how is this us?”

 

“Because each of the victims had severe burns around their eyes, hands, and feet, puncture wounds through the backs of their hands, eyes and internal organs liquefied.”

 

Dean smacked his lips: “That sounds like us.”

 

“Yeah. Also, no link between any of the victims. Uh, one was a real-estate agent. Another was a local historian. Woman killed last night was a teacher.”

 

“So, chupacabra. What do we got? Power tools gone rogue? Wait -- are we talking a-a "Maximum Overdrive" situation here?”

 

Sam chuckled at Dean's enthusiasm: “I don't know. Worth a shot, though. I'll grab my gear. We should probably leave in five.”

 

“Mm-hmm. I'll just text Cas where we're going and...” Dean stopped when he saw the look on Sam's face: “You're so whipped...”

 

“Shut up, bitch.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Later on the road Dean noticed that Sam kept looking at him. At first he tried to ignore it, but it started to bother him after fifty miles. “What?!”

 

Dean didn't like the look on his brother's face at all: “Did you tell Cas about the trials?”

 

“Of course,” Dean looked at him like he had just asked the stupidest question in the world.

 

“So?” Sam asked, clearly wanting Dean to elaborate on that topic.

 

Dean rolled his eyes: “He'll ask around for further information about the trials. Oh, that reminds me! He said he met an angel called Metatron, who was like God's secretary or something and that he' would know more about the tablets, because he wrote them in the first place.”

 

“And you're telling me this now?!! What the hell, Dean! This is like super-important information, you didn't think of sharing?”

 

“Jeez, Sam, chill! I'm telling you now, aren't I? And I only heard of it a few hours ago, so relax. Cas is looking for the guy and everything is fine. As long as we don't know more, we should stick to the original plan anyway, alright?”

 

Sam shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest: “I can't believe you're so relaxed about this! For all we know this ritual could get you killed.”

 

Dean looked at him angrily: “You think, I don't know that? But you know what? I'll do this anyway. Because this is more important than you and me. This has to end and I'm willing to pay the price.”

 

“Even more important than you and Cas?”

 

“Yes! And he knows that, too. We have to do this, Sammy. I have to do this.”

 

Sam looked out of his window for a few minutes in silence, before he looked back and asked more quietly: “How does that bond thing with Cas work out? Do you feel any different?”

 

Dean smirked at his brother for a second before he looked back at the road. The smirk slowly turned into a smile – and it was a genuine smile that made Sam very happy to see.

 

“I'm happy, Sam. This is something good that will stay with me forever and yeah... I feel good. I really feel good.”

 

Sam smiled at him: “I'm glad. That's good...”

 

“Yeah...It's good.”

 

Sam looked out of his window again. His smile turned into a sad expression, when he thought about how unfair it was that Dean had finally found some happiness in his life, shortly before he got himself into a possible suicide mission.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

They parked the Impala outside the Morton house and stepped outside in their Fed suits. Dean checked his cell phone, before he pocketed it again with a disappointed look on his face.

 

“Nothing from Cas?” Sam asked with a curious look and Dean just shook his head before he rang the doorbell. An older man in a dark red sweater opened the door, he looked tired but friendly when they showed him their badges and he let them inside the house.

 

“We just have a few routine follow-up questions about your wife, sir,” Sam asked in a sympathetic voice: “Did she have any enemies?”

 

Mr. Morton shook his head, tiredly:” Ann? Honestly, I can't think of a soul who'd want to hurt her, even after everything that happened.”

 

Dean and Sam shared a meaningful look, before Dean asked: “Everything that happened?”

 

The older man looked at the floor: “About a week ago, something changed in Ann. She was out of sorts, not herself at all.”

 

“Out of sorts how?” Sam inquired curiously.

 

Mr. Morton sighed defeatedly: “It'd be better if I showed you.”

 

They followed the widower to the basement and were surprised to find a miniature village on a large table in the middle of the room. Mr. Morton turned on the light switch and the lamp flickered to life, illuminating some bizarre plastic bags filled with dirt hanging over the miniature replica.

 

“She stopped sleeping. She stopped eating. She went out in the middle of the night, going God knows where. I tried to talk to her, but, uh... She would just mutter to herself.”

 

“About what?”

 

“Something... about an orchard?” Dean stepped near the table to get a closer look at the gray replica of a village made out of metal containers, cardboard boxes and a _fucking_ birdhouse.

 

“Finally, I just followed her one night, and she went to the playground. Over here -- the elementary school...” Mr. Morton pointed at a section that looked like the replica of a school. It was surrounded by a wall with open areas, trees and even miniature people. “And she started digging. She would leave with these little bags full of dirt. Hung them here. All these bags represent holes that she dug in the ground.”

 

Sam just had to know: “Were these holes, uh -- I don't know -- 6 feet deep?”

 

The older man didn't seem to get the innuendo: “No. She dug for hours. She never broke a sweat. Straight down 10, maybe 15 feet.”

 

Sam and Dean looked at each other with a questioning gaze: “Did you notice anything else?”

 

“I didn't say anything to the cops 'cause I didn't want them to think I was crazy. After Ann came home, I came down here to confront her, and she was on the phone.”

 

“Any idea who she was talking to?”

 

The older man shook his head and watched them with a serious expression: “No. But I know what I saw. And it wasn't my Annie. After I called her out, her eyes... they turned black. Now, I-I know I must have imagined it. I know I did. But I-I left. I went to the bar, probably had too much to drink, and by the time I came back...my Annie was, uh... I should have stayed. I should have protected her. I'm moving into my sister's place today. I can't be here anymore.”

 

Sam glanced at him with a compassionate look: “Sure. Well, um, thank you very much for your time. We're both very sorry for your loss.”

 

The hunters left to get back into the car, both of them trying to make sense of what they had just learned. When they got into the Impala Dean shared his thoughts first: “So, somebody's killing demons. Well, that is awesome. I feel like we should send a card or flowers. What kind of flower says "thanks for killing demons"?”

 

Sam looked constricted: “Yeah, but who's killing demons? And why? And, by the way, since when does a demon possess someone, then go all "Beautiful Mind" and -- and start digging in the dirt? Does any of this seem right to you?”

 

Dean shrugged: “I like the part about killing demons. That sounds right.”

 

Sam sighed and called the real-estate guy's wife to see if she had been acting weird as well and wasn't surprised when he confirmed Sam's theory on the phone. Sam thanked the widower and looked at Dean, confused, before they got out of the Impala, walking to another house: “I wonder what they're all looking for.”

 

“Well, Wendy Rice here was the last person to speak with Ann, so let's see if she can tell us,” Dean grinned at his brother when Sam knocked on the door. A short time later a woman with her hair covered with large blue and purple curlers opened the door and looked at them with a suspicious expression.

 

“Special Agent Lynne. This is my partner, Special Agent Tandy. We'd like to ask you a few questions about Ann Morton,” Sam asked in his nice, professional FBI-voice.

 

The woman chuckled self-consciously and played with her curlers. “Oh, Uh, uh, uh, of course. Please come in. I had never met her before she called the other night.”

 

Sam tilted his head, confused: “Now, why was she calling you?”

 

“She was looking to find an original map of the city.”

 

“Did she say what for?” Sam asked in a nice tone.

 

Wendy smiled shyly: “Well, she -- she didn't, but she did mention an -- an old orchard that had gone missing.”

 

“Missing?” Dean inquired in a gruff voice.

 

The woman nodded, eager to help them: “This -- this town was wiped from the earth by one of the river's 100-year floods. It was -- it was rebuilt. But all the original records were -- were lost.” She smiled and played with her curler again. “I'm -- I'm a PhD candidate. And this -- this is my research. I, uh... My dissertation is -- is on the history of this town and, uh, its connection to the Underground Railroad and -- and -- and whatnot.” She eagerly hopped up and brought a bright pink binder over to them, pulling out a map while she continued to explain: ”I've been working to re-create a map for years as part of my research, and this -- this is the old Jakubiak orchard there. I found out yesterday it's where Downey meets Bond Street.” She pointed at a section of the map, giving Sam a bright smile.

 

Sam returned her smile, knowing that flirting always led to more cooperation: “Did Ann say why she was looking for the site of an old orchard?”

 

Wendy shook her head: “No. We -- we set a time to meet, and she never showed. Then I read about her in the paper. It's just tragic. Ann's assistant called this morning, though, asking if I still had the map.”

 

“Assistant?” Sam asked as someone knocked several times on the front door.

 

“Oh. That's probably him. Maybe he can help.” She got up to answer the door, the hunters followed her armed and ready for anything.

 

“Oh. Are -- are you -- “ Three men were standing in front of her when she opened the door. Their eyes turned black when they noticed Dean and Sam behind her. Wendy screamed as the three demons barged in and flung her into the living room. She smashed into the coffee table and the demon who had tossed her, grabbed the map and started running out of the door.

 

Dean pulled out Ruby's knife, but before he was able to stab one of the demons, black smoke erupted from his mouth and flew into Wendy's, possessing her and turning her eyes black. She got up and ran towards another door. Dean tried to follow her but a quick look at his brother, who was punched to the ground by the third demon, changed his mind.

 

Dean rushed to him and nearly ran into a suddenly appeared Cas, who quickly burned out the demon's eyes and tossed the body aside with an unemotional expression. In his other hand he held up the demon that now was possessing Wendy in a tight grip by her curlers. His dark wings spreading far into the room like a relentless, deadly storm, stopping for one silent second to survey the room, before it would unleash again.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Put this on your shoulder!” Dean tossed a cold pack at Sam who was seated on the couch and just threw it irately on the floor, before huffing: “I'm fine.”

 

Cas entered the room with a serious expression: “The other demon escaped. I bound the one I caught in a devil's trap. I'm gonna interrogate it now.”

 

Dean looked at him in awe, still not used to the fact that he could see Cas's wings now all the time. He held up his hands: “Wait a second. Cas. Um, hi? What a nice surprise to see you at my work...”

 

Castiel looked at Dean, confused for a second, before the hunter could see realization dawning on his face: “I'm sorry.” He walked a few steps in front of Dean and smiled: “Hello, Dean.”

 

“Hi,” Dean answered, they both ended up smiling and gazing lovingly at each other’s eyes.

 

Of course Sam had to ruin the moment, when he cleared his throat soundly: “So Cas, what are you doing here? Did you get Dean's message?”

 

Castiel tilted his head in confusion: “Your message?”

 

“Yeah, I texted you a few times...,” Dean told him, realizing he sounded like a clingy, teenage girl, he added a gruff: “Never mind...”

 

“Oh...” Cas pulled his phone out of his pocket to look at the missed text messages with a frown. “You could have used our bond to send me a message. I can't miss that,” he smiled at Dean, who grinned sheepishly back at the angel: “I'm still not used to that.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes, crossing his arms in front of his chest: “So, why are you here, Cas?”

 

“I've been hunting demons,” he told Sam, back to his serious face and deep, gravely voice.

 

“So this is you. Why?” Sam asked, puzzled.

 

“I've been searching for the Angel Tablet.”

 

“Without us?” Dean asked in an irritated tone.

 

“It’s not the first mission I’ve gotten from Heaven that I’ve done without your help. Why does that irritate you?”

 

“I'm sorry, Cas. It's just, I thought you would have mentioned something like that.”

 

Cas looked at him sheepishly: “I thought you had enough to be concerned about. I uncovered that Crowley had sent out demons to find Lucifer's crypts.”

 

“Lucifer had crypts?”

 

Cas nodded: “Dozens of them, apparently. The crypts were lost over time. Only those closest to Lucifer knew their whereabouts.”

 

“Then how did Crowley find them?” Sam asked curiously.

 

“His demons have been possessing locals who may have some special knowledge.”

 

Sam nodded at Dean: “That would explain the crazy room at Ann's house. But how did they know where to start looking in the first place?”

 

“I don't know. I'm hoping the strange-haired demon in the kitchen is more knowledgeable than the others I interrogated.” Castiel said and left the room through the swinging door into the kitchen.

 

Dean grinned proudly as they followed the angel to the other room: “I just love it when he's all bad ass!”

 

The demon in the kitchen was tied through a devil's trap under the chair with each hand fastened separately to a side of the kitchen table. When the hunters entered the room, she looked up and grinned smugly: “Sam and Dean Winchester. Oh, the thoughts she had about you two. Mostly you, Sam. What can I say? She has a thing for mutton chops.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes: “All right, you douchebag, listen -- “

 

Dean was interrupted by the screams and whimpers of the demon who Cas had stabbed in the hand with his angel blade. He slowly pulled his blade out of it and asked calmly: “Who told you about the crypts?”

 

“I thought angels were supposed to be the good cops.” Cas stabbed her other hand for that reply and waited patiently for her screams to subside before she whimpered: “Wait! Stop! Stop!! We have a hostage!”

 

Castiel pulled his blade out of her hand again and looked at her expectantly. The demon watched him frightened for a second, before she continued: “It's one of Crowley's pets. She's at the Murray Hotel, down by the interstate. She knows the towns where all the crypts are buried. She saw them all back in the day.”

 

“And she told you about the tablet?” Sam asked, squinting his eyes.

 

“Yes, and we're one step ahead of you. You'll never find it in –”

 

Cas stabbed the demon in the chest and watched it die with an unfazed expression. Sam grimaced at him and shook his head: “Was that really necessary? Couldn't you just have exorcised her?”

 

Cas shook his head: “She was already dead and I didn't want the demon warning Crowley about me. We have to get to the motel now. I assume you want to accompany me?”

 

“Hell, yeah!” Dean said as he stepped next to him.

 

“Be ready for a fight. I will bring us directly into the room where the hostage is held.” Cas touched both hunters at their foreheads and after a second of disorientation they were standing in a shabby motel room surrounded by shocked looking demons.

 

Cas jumped at them, pulling the first two demons together and slamming them into the floor, burning the demons out of their vessel. Dean watched in awe as his angel whirled around, his wings flaring dangerously, bending down on one side so that Cas wouldn't lose his balance, when he pushed himself into the next demon that was attacking Sam from behind. Dean was forced to stop appreciating his angel's fighting style when he got attacked by one of the other hell monkeys. The hunter turned around ready to stab the attacking demon, when he met Castiel's blue eyes suddenly behind him, throwing the attacker into the wall, shortly before he burned him out with his other hand.

 

Dean looked around the room. All the demons were lying dead on the floor. It had taken Cas just a second to kill them all. Dean cleared his throat: “Yeah, that was.... fast.” He shrugged and looked at Sammy, who just shrugged back at him.

 

Cas stepped over a dead demon to get to a closed door: “The hostage is in there.” He opened the door carefully and Dean was more than surprised to find Meg with lanky, blonde hair sitting tied up in the corner of the room, bruised and with blood on her face. She looked up with a smug smile: “Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”

 

They freed Meg from her ties and helped her get up on the bed nearby, where Cas frowned as he inspected her wounds. “These wounds have festered. I cannot heal you with my grace, but I can look to see if I can find some gauze.”

 

“Why are you so sweet on me, Clarence?” Meg smiled, when Cas returned a second later with gauze, wrapping it up around her arms.

 

Cas felt a sudden burst of jealousy from Dean and turned around to look at him, wondering what that was about. Dean didn't look at him, but instead had his focus on Meg when he asked in a smug tone: “So, I got to ask. Um... What's up with the hair?”

 

Sam rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. They really had more pressing matters at hand.

 

“What?” Dean shrugged, grinning brightly at his brother.

 

“Aww. Thanks for noticing, Dean. But this wasn't my idea. It was Crowley's. And it's just another reason I want to stab him in the face.”

 

Sam thought it was high time to get into the discussion: ”Wait a second. You've been telling Crowley the location of Lucifer's crypts.”

 

“What can I say? I needed a break from the constant torture. And I did visit them all during my time with Yellow Eyes. But don't worry. I haven't exactly been giving them the Glengarry leads.”

 

Castiel tilted his head: “You mean you've been lying to them?”

 

Meg nodded: “I just get them in the ballpark. Enough time's passed and enough's changed that they bought it.”

 

Dean gave her a confused look, not seeing the point: “Why lie?”

 

“Buy myself some time, dummy. Try to find a way to get free.”

 

Sam’s eyes widened with a shocked expression: “Wait -- so... A bunch of innocent people died so you could... buy yourself some time?”

 

Meg answered that with an unbelieving look and deadpanned: “Hi. I'm Meg. I'm a demon.”

 

Castiel looked at her, intrigued: “So, what have they found?”

 

Meg grinned at him with a flirty smile: “Bupkis. Every crypt's been one Al Capone's vault after another. And on top of that, someone kept picking up the trail and icing demons. I'm guessing that was you, Castiel. But Crowley just keeps sending more. He's hell-bent on finding that angel tablet. So at the moment they're digging in the wrong place. But not for long. They'll be back here soon. So, who's up for fleeing?”

 

Castiel helped Meg up from the bed: “She's right. We need to find those crypts before they do. You're the only one who's been there. We need your help.”

 

Meg chuckled: “Any of you dummies got a map?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I have the feeling that took ages to write and I hope you'll all like the new chapter! As always comments and kudos make me unbelievable happy and working perfectly as a motivation to write faster. So a big thank you for all your feedback and kudos so far :D!
> 
> As always a big hug and thanks for my beta Drunk_Idjit. Check out her fanfics, they're awesome!


	11. Fear

**Chapter 11: Fear**

 

_No sleep today_

_Can't even rest when the sun's down_

_No time, there's not enough_

_And nobody's watching me now_

 

_Wish I didn't know the meaning of_

 

_OneRepublic – Fear_

 

 

The demon stood in the motel room surrounded by his murdered comrades, nervously biting his nails as he surveyed the room. This was just fucked up! Earlier today he thought he’d finally found his golden ticket for climbing up the career ladder when he’d successfully stolen the map from one of Lucifer’s crypts, but that had been a bust. And now this...

 

For a short moment he wondered whether he would have been better off as one of the corpses laying on the floor instead of burdened with the responsibility of calling Crowley right now.

 

With a defeated sigh he pulled out his cell phone to call his boss, wondering what he had done to deserve this. He wasn't a bad demon after all.

 

“Sir? I, uh, searched the site top to bottom. It's empty. No, there's no crypt there. And, uh, that's not all. It's just me now, sir. I, um... We may have lost Meg.”

Crowley appeared behind the Demon and closed the line on his phone.

“Sir? Hello, sir?” The demon asked, puzzled that his boss wasn’t answering.

Crowley rolled his eyes: ”Just to be clear...” The demon turned around startled as he slowly lowered his phone. “...you can't find a hole in the ground... Your co-workers have met with an untimely demise... ...and you've lost my favourite chew toy. Brilliant. What's that old expression?”

Crowley pulled out an angel blade. "If you want something done right..." He stabbed the demon and watched him die in a flash of sparking lights.

“...blah, blah, blah.”

….:::: ::::....

 

_Why was it always an abandoned warehouse?_

 

Dean wondered not for the first time in his life as they came to a stop in front of a large metal door.

 

“All right, Cas and I will head in and get our Indiana Jones on. Sam, you stay outside with Meg.”

 

Sam gave him his patented bitch face 'number four': ”What?”

 

“We got this.”

 

“What are you talking about, Dean? I'm not letting you go in there alone.”

 

Castiel gazed at Sam with a confused expression: “He won't be alone.”

 

The younger Winchester rolled his eyes: “That's not what I mean. Meg can hang here, watch our backs. Dean, I saw your bloody rag in the trash can, okay?”

 

Dean squinted his eyes and shot his brother an angry look: “That wasn't --”

 

Sam shook his head: “Stop. Just stop. Dean, we don't know what's in there, okay? And you almost let a demon get the best of you back there.”

 

Dean huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest: “I'm fine.”

 

“No, you're not fine. You haven't been fine since the first trial.”

 

Meg tilted her head to the side: “Trial?”

 

“Shut up, Meg.” Both Winchesters snapped at her at the same time.

 

“Sam, I'm telling you -- I'm okay.”

 

Castiel laid his hand on Dean's shoulder: “No, you're not, Dean... You're damaged in ways even I can't heal. But you don't have to worry, Sam. Dean will be okay with me in there. I would never let anything happen to him. You should stay here and protect Meg.”

 

Meg huffed at them incredulously: “Since when do I need protecting?”

 

“Since you were held captive and tortured for over a year.” Cas stated, emotionless. Meg just shrugged: “Touché.”

 

Dean handed Ruby's knife to his brother, interrupting him before he could continue voicing his worries: “You heard the angel. We'll be alright and back as quick as I can eat pie.”

 

Dean followed Cas through the door of the dark warehouse, using his flashlight to look for the entrance of the basement where they presumed the crypt would be.

 

“Hey, did you have to tell Sam about me?”

 

“I thought you wanted to be truthful with your brother,” Cas scolded. “And he already knows, Dean.”

 

“I just don't want him to worry.”

 

Cas turned around and gave him a warm smile: “I know. But you won't stop him from worrying and he probably will worry less if you don't hold everything back from him.”

 

“Mmhh.” Easier said than done. Since Sam was born Dean had nurtured a rock solid wall around his feelings. He always had to be strong for his little brother. He didn't think he could ever change this part of him.

 

Cas stopped suddenly in front of him and let his hand glide over a cement wall: “Wait. There's a draft. There's something behind there. Stand back.” He laid his palm against the wall and it started to glow, ripping cracks into the barrier until it exploded in a cloud of dust.

 

Dean slowly walked over the debris – his flashlight revealed a dirty crypt with a vaulted ceiling. Ancient artifacts were lying around everywhere, covered in dust and spider webs.

 

“Dean... That's it.” Cas pointed towards an item on a shelf against the wall. The hunter shone his flashlight in that direction, noticing the carved, wooden chest.

 

“How do you know?”

 

“It's the only thing in here warded against angels.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow: “Why would Lucifer have warded the tablet against angels? Wouldn't that be like really stupid?”

 

Cas blinked at him puzzled: “I don't know, Dean. But I'm sure it's in there”

 

Dean could feel the tension coming from his angel through their bond as he picked up the heavy chest and placed it in front of Cas on the table. The hunter took a small dagger from the bench and carefully cracked open the lid. He reached inside it and pulled out a large block of stone.

 

“Winner, winner, chicken dinner.”

 

“Good. Hand it to me, and I'll take it to Heaven.”

 

Dean looked at him confused: “How about we'll take it to Kevin so he can translate it.”

 

“No, my mission is to retrieve it and bring it back to Heaven. It's too dangerous to leave it on earth now that Crowley knows of it. Besides Kevin has enough on his hands with translating the demon tablet. This tablet doesn't have any priority other than to be safe from Crowley.”

 

“And how do you know it's safe in Heaven? We don't know what's on it and what could happen if this gets into the wrong hands.”

 

Cas looked at him with a sad expression: “This isn't your responsibility, Dean. It's mine. I just wish you would trust me with this. I know it's hard for you after all the mistakes I’ve made.” Cas looked down to the floor, his voice was soft and broken: “I just wish...”

 

Dean was shocked by the extreme self-hatred he was feeling through the bond. It made his own guilt even worse when he thought about Cas’s words. He stepped in front of the angel and laid his hand on his shoulder.

 

“Cas...” Dean let his hand wander to the angel's face as he caressed his cheek: “I trust you.” Dean tried to push every ounce of reassurance and trust he had through the bond as he pulled his angel into a tight embrace, pushing the angel tablet into his hands. “We're family, Cas. I trust you and I need you at my side. Especially now. Take the tablet, bring it to Heaven and come back pronto, capiche?”

 

Cas smiled at him sheepishly:”Yes, I capiche.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Crowley stood in the crypt, looking around with a sour expression on his face. The Winchesters and their pet angel had been quicker than him again! At least with the loss of the angel tablet Meg no longer had a purpose. The small pleasure of killing her, though, didn’t even last long enough to count as a good day in his book. He smiled when a familiar angel appeared behind him.

 

“Naomi. Fancy meeting you here. Haven't seen you since the dark ages. Love the haircut.”

 

“How's the shoulder?” Naomi smiled coldly at the King of Hell.

 

Crowley answered with a sardonic grin: “Just a flesh wound. Now, I don't have the tablet, and if you're here, neither do you. Which means that Castiel isn't working for you. If I didn't know you better, I'd say you're losing your touch.”

 

Naomi's smile widened: “Castiel is doing exactly what he's supposed to do. So what do you want, cockroach?”

 

Crowley held up his hands in defense: “Easy, love. If you remember our time in Mesopotamia the way I do, you know I'm a lover, not a fighter.”

 

“You and I remember Mesopotamia very differently,” Naomi scoffed before she disappeared, leaving Crowley wondering what the hell was happening at the moment in Heaven's politics. He hadn't heard any rumors in weeks, which was highly suspicious.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

The radio was playing as the Winchester brothers drove through the night.

 

_Now I believe in what you say_

_Is the undisputed truth_

_But I have to have things my own way_

_To keep me in my youth_

 

Dean felt the worried gaze of his brother on him and he knew Cas was right. He should talk to Sam about what was happening with him, instead of hiding it just to appear strong. In the end this wasn't worth it: “Listen, man, I'm sorry. I should have told you. I-I... just wanted to believe I was okay. I don't know...”

 

Sam nodded: “I just… You heard what Cas said -- that first trial hurt you in ways that even he can't heal. Dean, I need you to be honest with me.”

 

Dean gave him a sincere look: “You're right. And I will be.”

 

_Goodbye stranger it's been nice_

_Hope you find your paradise_

_Tried to see your point of view_

_Hope your dreams will all come true_

 

Sam watched the warm and golden lights of the streetlamps whooshing by in silence for a while before he looked back at his brother: “Listen, I may not be able to carry the burden that comes along with these trials... But I can carry you.”

 

Dean grinned at his brother: “You... realize you just quoted 'Lord of the Rings', right? I couldn't be more proud!"

 

Sam chuckled: “I've learned from the best.”

 

_You can laugh at my behavior_

_That'll never bother me_

_Say the devil is my savior_

_But I don't pay no heed_

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Back at the bunker Dean knocked loudly on Kevin's door: “Kevin, open up! Kevin!” The hunter was greeted by the pitiful sight of a Prophet of the Lord – Kevin looked unkempt, haunted and tired as he blinked owlishly at Dean.

 

“Geez. You look like hell. What's going on?” Dean asked slowly as he exchanged a worried look with his brother.

 

“It's him.”

 

“It's who?” Sam asked gently.

 

“Crowley. He's in my head. Do you know what that means?”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow: “Yeah, it means we need to up your anxiety meds. Kevin, you're dreaming. Look, if Crowley knew where you were, he'd do a hell of a lot more than mess with your head. Besides, this is the safest place on earth. So chill, Kevin.”

 

Kevin started walking back into his room with his head down when he suddenly turned around and looked up at them as if he had just remembered something important: “I translated the second trial from the tablet.”

 

Dean made a joyful sound: “You... crazy Prophet, you. Nice work!”

 

The prophet shook his head: “And if Crowley's in my head, he knows.”

 

Sam laid a hand on Kevin's shoulder: “He's not in your head, Kevin. It's okay. Just... We know you're distressed. Just stay with us, all right? What's the second trial?”

 

“An innocent soul has to be rescued from Hell and delivered unto Heaven.”

 

Dean gave him a puzzled look: “What?”

 

"Unto." That's -- that's how God talks.” Kevin shrugged.

 

“Rescue a soul from Hell? Like actually... Go to Hell? How -- how do you get a soul _unto_ Heaven? I mean, how do you even get a soul out of Hell?” Sam inquired thoughtfully.

 

“We're gonna need an expert. I’d call Cas.”

 

Sam nodded as they watched Kevin retreat back into his room, plopping down on his bed and falling asleep the second he hit the mattress. They quietly made their way to the main hall. Dean clapped his hands and grinned: “Okay, I’ll use this opportunity to try to call him through our bond. Haven't tried that before, if it doesn’t work I’ll just pray…” He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about it, but Sam just grinned knowingly at his brother. “How does it work?”

 

“I don't know. I have to concentrate my thoughts on him – I guess I'll see in a minute.”

 

Dean closed his eyes and concentrated on the warm feeling in the back of his mind, the one that was constantly there since they completed the bond. The one that assured him that he wasn't alone and that everything good was just a thought away.

 

_Cas, I need your help._

 

He heard the familiar flap of wings and opened his eyes to see Cas in front of him, his wings stretched far into the room before he folded them behind his back.

 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas smiled warmly at the hunter

 

“Hi,” Dean smiled back happily and Sam just rolled his eyes. He wondered if his brother knew how obviously his love for the angel was on display.

 

“It worked...,” Dean grinned and Cas nodded: “Of course it did.”

 

Sam cleared his throat soundly and waved at the angel: “Um... I think, I'll let you two catch up, um... since you haven't seen each other for...,” He checked his watch. “... Wow, three hours.”

 

Dean really wanted to give his brother a bitch-face but somehow being alone with Cas was more important now. He just nodded, not even looking at Sam but still gazing at Cas's beautiful, blue eyes as his brother left the room chuckling.

 

Dean reached for Cas's face – his heart was beating fast and loud in his chest as he pulled his angel into a slow, deep kiss. “Do you have somewhere to be?” Dean murmured between kisses. “Yes, I have to be here,” Cas smiled as Dean chuckled – happy with the answer. Dean took Cas's hand and pulled him to the garage. When he felt Cas's confusion the hunter answered through their bond.

 

_Kevin is asleep. I don't wanna wake him up._

 

In the garage Dean didn't lose any time. He pushed his angel against the hood of the Impala, kissing him deeply while quickly shedding their clothes. Dean thought he'd never get enough of this. Being with Cas like that – it was heaven. The hunter grinned as he felt Cas's five o'clock shadow scraping over the delicate skin of his throat, his lips trailing down the exposed skin with soft, quick kisses. _God_ his angel was a quick learner. Cas gripped Dean's now naked hip and turned Dean forcefully around so that he was sandwiched between the Impala and a very aroused angel.

 

_There is something I want to try._

 

“Okay...,” Dean watched as Cas fell down on his knees, kissing his already hard cock before taking him in his mouth. This was the moment when Dean stopped thinking – where he stopped everything basically. His angel knelt before him – his wings where folded behind his back and he was kissing and licking his dick.

 

This just had to be a sin.

 

Dean buried his fingers into Cas's soft hair. _God_ , this felt so good – he knew Cas didn't have a lot of experience with sexual things but he compensated that with a very quick learning curve. The only problem was that this felt too good. Dean knew this would be over quickly if Cas continued like that.

 

“Cas...,” he groaned as he tugged at his hair to get his attention. “C'mere...” He pulled the angel up and kissed him passionately – pulling him close to his body to connect every inch of their skin. He wanted – no _needed_ to be closer to his angel and he wanted to give Cas everything of himself – to show him how much he loved him and how grateful he was for everything Cas was giving to him. Dean was never more grateful about the bond they shared because Cas immediately understood what Dean was willing to give to him. Without words – just because they were one.

 

Cas stopped kissing him so that he could look at him, his emotions openly on display. “Are you sure?” Dean smiled warmly, Cas had decided to ask him without using their link - to make sure there was no misinterpretation of what Dean wanted. Cas knew that what humans wanted and what they were willing to do were two different things. “I’m sure. I have to be honest with you, I’m a bit nervous about it - I’ve never done this before, but I want to do this.”

 

Cas kissed him again – Dean didn't need the bond to see that his angel was nervous about this too. “I won't hurt you, Dean.”

 

“I know,” Dean murmured before he kissed him again as Cas pushed the hunter onto the hood of the Impala, placing himself between his legs.

 

Dean laid down on the still warm hood of his car and watched as Cas lovingly gazed down at him, caressing his chest and stomach with his warm hands, before his fingers trailed down to his dick, stroking it tenderly. One hand slid down to his ass and Dean tensed automatically but Cas just trailed his fingers over the sensitive skin until Dean fully relaxed under him.

 

“I think we need – , “ Cas laid his finger on the hunter's lips and showed him a blue bottle of lubricant with a smirk on his face as he saw Dean's confusion: “When did you get this?”

 

“I'm very fast, Dean,” Cas grinned as he saw Dean's eyes going wide with disbelief. In reality Cas had it in his trench coat pocket for a while now and had just willed it into his hand from there, but Dean didn't need to know that. Cas liked it to impress Dean with his powers.

 

“Handy...,” Dean was getting nervous now and Cas leaned down to kiss him: “You don't have to do this, Dean.” The hunter shook his head: “I want to.” Cas briefly looked into his eyes before nodding and pulling him up so that their bodies were aligned again. They kissed slowly as Cas pulled him to the edge of the hood. Cas was careful with him, every touch was full of his love for the hunter and Dean had his suspicions that Cas used his mojo on him when he slowly worked him open with his fingers – because there was no way this could feel this good. Not that he was complaining.

 

He had never felt so close to someone before and he knew he had never trusted anyone like he trusted Cas. When he finally felt his angel inch his way slowly inside of him Dean stopped thinking. Cas pulled him close to his body – he could feel the angel’s heartbeat against his chest, Cas’s warm breath against his throat as he tried to collect himself – to let Dean adjust to the feeling of having Cas inside him. Dean never felt so close and intimate with anyone in his life. He knew he could share anything with Cas. In the past, the thought would have made him scared as hell - above all because his trust was often broken – even by Cas once – but now, he could feel everything from his angel. Cas shared his thoughts and emotions openly without holding back. Dean’s trust in his angel was mirrored in Cas’s emotions towards him and it made Dean believe again, strengthened the part in himself that allowed him to let his guard down – to let himself fall.

 

It took a while for him to come back down from the amazing high after they had sex on the hood of the Impala. Dean would never have thought that this could get so fucking mind blowing. He’d had some pretty amazing sex in the past, but the stuff he did with Cas – that was way above the scale of amazing sex. That was Heaven. Dean grinned lazily over the pun that formed in his mind, enjoying the feeling of soft feathers under his fingertips. Cas looked up and smiled warmly at the hunter. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

Dean gave him lopsided grin: “You don't have to thank me, Cas. I know that I'm awesome.”

 

Cas answered with a low chuckle that gave Dean a funny feeling in stomach. “That you are, Dean.”

 

He slowly dragged himself away from Dean, fishing for Dean's t-shirt and pulling it over the hunter's head before he could say anything. Dean watched him in confusion and Cas stopped and gave him a half grin as he supplied him with an explanation: “You are distracting when you are naked and I think you wanted to tell me something important. That was why you called me in the first place.”

 

“Right...,” Dean grabbed his boxers and jeans to pull them back on slowly, stalling for as much time as possible. He knew this wasn't going to be easy and talking about the trials was always a bit of a mood killer. When he looked back up Cas was already back in all his clothes, twisted tie and all. He wondered if that was like a 'default-Cas-look' he could always switch back to. At some point he had to ask him.

 

“Cas... Kevin translated the second trial,” Dean knew Cas wouldn't like what he had to say but they needed to discuss this. The angel leaned next to him against the hood of the Impala and looked at the floor. “What do you have to do?”

 

“I have to rescue a soul from Hell and deliver it to Heaven.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes before he slowly shook his head: “That won't be easy.”

 

“Yeah, no shit. So do you know a way to enter Hell, uh, uninvited?”

 

Cas gave him a thoughtful look: “There are rogue reapers. They smuggle souls across Hell's border for a price. They know secret ways in and out. Not just Hell -- the Veil, Heaven.”

 

“Rogue reapers smuggling people?” Dean asked with a surprised snort.

 

“People, souls... I'll help you find one, but you should know... The way to Hell leads through Purgatory.”

 

“Of course it does,” Dean sighed sarcastically.

  
When Cas opened his mouth to say something, Dean placed his fingers on his lips to interrupt him: “I know what you wanna say, but you’re not coming with me. It’s not open for discussion Cas, and you know why.”

 

Cas turned away angrily, his hands clenching into a fist. He knew Dean was right. Crossing Purgatory with a seraph was less than strategic and he wasn't sure if he could use the same doorways as Dean to come back to earth. But this didn't mean he wanted to let Dean go alone: “You can't go alone.“

 

Dean nodded: “I'll ask an old friend. Geez, Sammy will kill me for this.”

 

“I don't like this,” Cas admitted – his voice was even lower than usually.

 

“You and me both, but it’s what I have to do.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Yeah. Hey, it's me. I know. I know, man. It's been a long time. I mean, I wanted to call. I did. I just, uh... I thought it might be better if I didn't.” Dean nearly rolled his eyes over his own awkwardness as he called Benny.

 

He heard Benny chuckling softly before he replied: “So good to hear your voice, Dean. I mean that.”

 

“How you been?” Dean asked tentatively, hoping his vampire buddy hadn't fell off the wagon in the mean time.

 

“Oh, you know... I get by.”

 

“I guess I let you down, huh?” Dean stated with a guilty conscience.

 

Benny cleared his throat: “Look, I'm, uh... I'm just happy as hell to hear from you.”

 

“You might change your mind about that,” Dean said slowly.

 

“Why? What you mean?”

 

“Benny, I got to ask you a favor. It's a big one.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

It was night when they all met in a dark, empty street. Sam was still angry that Dean not only wouldn’t let him come with him, but that his brother was taking his vampire buddy instead. He could understand his reasoning but still… Dean had finally won the discussion when he told Sam that he should look after Cas while he was gone. He didn’t want him to do anything stupid and he was trusting Sam with the angel’s life.

 

“Hey Dean, Cas, “ Benny greeted them happily before giving Sam a careful look: “Sam.”

 

Dean shared a telling look with his brother, who then sighed in defeat and nodded: “Hey, Benny, listen -- I know you saved my brother's ass a few times down there, and I respect that. I'm glad you're helping, seriously.”

 

“Yeah, what can I say? I'm a disgrace to my own people,” the vampire drawled in his southern accent.

 

Cas stepped towards them and nodded: “I found the reaper. His name is Ajay.”

 

They followed the angel across the street to a parked yellow cab. The taxi driver stood next to it, reading a newspaper before looking up with a frown on his face.

 

“Ajay. Need to talk to you for a sec,” Dean said in laid back voice that told everyone not to mess with him.

 

”You know my name...“

 

Sam nodded: “And what you do. We want to do business.”

 

Ajay looked at them confused: “But you are mortal -- flesh and blood. Well, except the angel and the vampire there.”

 

Dean shrugged: “Yeah, the vampire and I want to cross the border into Hell – visitor's pass...”

 

Ajay shook his head in confusion: “No one wants to get _into_ Hell.”

 

“But could a coyote like you do it?” Sam asked curiously.

 

Ajay tilted his head thoughtfully: “It's possible. But I have special skills. It will be pricey.”

 

Dean lowered his voice dangerously: “How pricey?”

 

“You two are resourceful. One day, you will owe me a favor.”

 

Sam and Dean looked at each other: “You say that like you know us.”

 

The reaper nodded: “Of course. You're the Winchesters.”

 

“Sorry. Have we met?” Dean asked, slowly losing his patience with the guy.

 

“I am the reaper who took Bobby Singer to Hell.”

 

“What? No, no, no, 'cause, see, Bobby was on the good side of things, and good guys go to the penthouse.” Dean looked at Cas for help, who just frowned at him.

 

“Usually, mostly. Depends on who you know, what palms get greased. If you're on the King of Hell's no-fly list, no way you cruise the friendly skies.”

 

“Crowley..., “Dean shook his head angrily. He had about enough from the King of Hell. “Cas, is that true? Is Bobby really not in Heaven?”

 

“I never looked but I could check if you want.”

 

“Do it.” Cas unfolded his massive wings and was gone in the blink of an eye. Before Dean could look back at Ajay the angel turned up again at his side. Everyone except Dean was startled by Cas's sudden reappearance. Dean wondered at what point he had gotten used to it but he guessed it had to do with their bond. He always felt Cas's presence so distinctly in the back of his mind that he never had the feeling he actually left.

 

“He is telling the truth. Bobby isn't in Heaven. I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't know.”

 

Dean laid his hand on the angel's shoulder to make him look up at him again: “It's not your fault. We all thought he was putting his feet up in Heaven.” The hunter looked back at the rogue reaper: “Okay, let's do this. Bobby's in Hell. We're gonna spring him. How much for two tickets down and three back?”

 

Ajay nodded: “Follow me.” The reaper led them to a wall covered in graffiti. There was a door painted on the wall that seemed a bit off - like it didn’t belong there.

 

“So how does this... Work?” Sam asked when they stopped in front of it.

 

“They'll be back in exactly 24 hours time. Return for them then.”

 

Dean turned around when he felt an overwhelming rush of concern and pain coming from Cas. The angel's expression was stoic as ever and didn't give away anything. It made him wonder how often Cas had successfully hid his feelings from him in the past. Dean pulled Cas into a hug and whispered in his ear: “I'll come back to you. I promise. Don't do anything stupid as long as I'm gone.”

 

Cas just gave him a pained smile and nodded.

 

Ajay cleared his throat: “Take my hand.”

 

Benny looked at him with a raised eyebrow: “And it gets creepier.”

 

The paint on the wall liquefied in front of them and the door changed into a pure, white light that engulfed them and sucked them through into another world –

 

The light was gone, every sound was muffled. Dean was surrounded by a colorless, dead forest. The world was spinning and the sudden emptiness in his heart made him puke his guts out. It was like a punch in the heart. He couldn't feel Cas anymore. Dean panicked and felt disorientated when a strong pair of hands grabbed him by his shoulders to steady him.

 

“Dean, what's up? Everything okay?” He could barely hear Benny’s voice over the deafening sound of his own blood rushing through his ears. He tried to concentrate, to calm his heart – to tell himself that everything was alright. That Cas wasn't gone, that he was just very far away from him. And then he could feel him again, just barely… but the connection was there. He drew in a few sharp breaths before he standing up again: “I'm okay.... I'm fine...”

 

Benny gave him a concerned look: “If you say so...”

 

Ajay watched them warily: “Okay, guess being human isn’t the best condition to be in when traveling between the planes. Well, welcome to Purgatory.”

 

“Yeah, been there, done that. How do we get to Hell?” Dean asked impatiently.

 

“Follow the stream to where three trees meet as one. Where they meet, there are rocks. Between the rocks is the portal.”

 

“A portal?” Benny asked curiously.

 

“A back door to Hell. Trust me -- it'll work.”

 

“Wait. So you're not coming with us?” Dean asked, although when he thought about it, he shouldn't have been surprised.

 

“Don't be ridiculous. Smuggling a mortal across the border is risky enough. But gate-crashing a Winchester into Hell seriously blows. No. I'll be back in 24 hours, precisely. Be here, “ Ajay snorted and watched them as they pulled out their weapons. “It's a good thing you brought weapons. It is not an easy place.” Ajay vanished back through the white portal without a glance back at them and left Benny and Dean alone.

 

Dean looked down, his voice was quiet and low: “Thank you for doing this, buddy. I mean, I'm really grateful – It's not like I've exactly been there for you lately.”

 

Benny put his hand on his shoulder: “What? Oh, come on, Dean. You know I love a challenge.”

 

“You're serious?”

 

“Sure, I got your back. I say let's do this,” Benny grinned and Dean stared at him for a few seconds in silence before slowly nodding: “I owe you.”

 

“Oh, you don't owe me nothing. Truth is, uh... I could use a break from all this.”

 

The hunter felt the guilt creeping up again: “It's really been that tough?”

 

Benny shrugged: “I'm not a good fit, Dean. Not with vampires and, for sure, not with the humans. I don't belong. And after a while... that starts to wear on you. Right? Cry me a river. Like you need to listen to this.”

 

“Well, when we get back, we're gonna fix all that, okay?”

 

“Yeah. That sounds like a plan, chief. Let's get on with it.” Benny laughed and patted Dean on his shoulder: “And say Dean, what's with you and the crazy angel?”

 

Dean cleared his throat and looked away: “Why do you ask?”

 

Benny grinned: “I can smell him all over you. I can't say I'm surprised though.”

 

Dean looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Benny laughed again: “Come on, I was with you the whole time and I heard your prayers to him. You prayed to him every night, Dean. You fought through all of Purgatory to find him. It was obvious how much he meant to you.”

 

Dean huffed a laugh and shook his head: “Whatever, let's go before you start to sing the fucking Titanic song.”

 

“The what?”

 

“Never mind.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Cas had brought Sam back via ‘angel express’ and then excused himself with angel business before Sam could hold him back. The younger Winchester was concerned about the angel because he hadn’t looked too peachy when Dean went through the portal - truthfully, he had looked like he would collapse at any second. It took a few minutes for Cas to answer Sam’s concerned questions about whether he was okay, but once he was finally able to look up at Sam he was back to his stoic self. Sam knew exactly how he felt. Leaving Dean to deal with this alone didn’t sit right with him either and it was driving him up the walls.

 

He just had to do something! Sam wandered through the bunker to check on Kevin, bringing him something to eat: “Kevin, it's me!” He walked into his empty room. “Kevin?”

 

The closet door opened to reveal the young disheveled looking prophet: “I believe the closet would be safest.”

 

“Safe from what?” Sam asked, as he set down the tray full of take out on the one tiny spot on his desk that was free of notes and books.

 

“Crowley. He's in my head, Sam. And if he's in my head, he knows where I am! You know, we -- we should move out. We'll find another place.”

 

“Kevin, would you calm down? Eat something, please. Come on.” Kevin stepped out of the closet and sat down at his desk. “There you go. That's it,” Sam said with a smile.

 

“Just tell me when this all ends, 'cause that's the only thing I want to hear.”

 

Sam looked at him with a sad expression: “This isn't going to end. Look, man, other guys, they got it easy, you know? It's all backyard barbecues and... bowling teams, but you and me? We got to carry a little extra weight.”

 

“I can't take it.”

 

“Yes, you can. Hey, look at me. Now, this whole thing sucks. I know. But you suck it up and you push through because that's what we do. And when you get on board with that, the ride is a lot smoother. Veggie burger?”

 

“I'm gonna -- I'm gonna be in my closet. Let me know when there's a good day.” Kevin took the tray of food and shuffled back into the closet, shutting the door quietly.

 

Sam stared at the closed closet doors with a pained expression on his face. Well… that didn’t go as well as he hoped. He had to think of something else and it didn’t take long for him to figure out what could get Kevin back on track. He had to call Charlie.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Ajay walked back to his yellow cab carrying a hot and delicious smelling pizza. He earned this, he told himself, after the weird night he was having – meeting the Winchesters and all. He got into his cab and suddenly felt a chill run down his spine.

 

“Hello, Ajay. It's been a while since we chatted -- too long.” He didn't need to look in the rear window to know that Crowley was sitting in the back seat of his car.

 

“Pizza? Extra anchovies,” he tried to play it cool.

 

“Anything you want to get off your chest? An update?”

 

“Um... No. No, not really.”

 

“As you may recall, patience isn't one of my virtues. Well, I don't have any virtues, but if I did, I'm certain that patience wouldn't be one. So, sure there's nothing weighing on you? Nothing, say, about making a deal with the Winchesters?”

 

Ajay snorted, angry with himself for not being able to conceal the fear in his voice: “Sir, I know better than to attempt that.”

 

“My operative saw you leaving with Dean Winchester.”

 

 _Shit. Shit. Shit._ “Oh! Oh, Dean Winchester. Oh, yes, that's, uh... A possibility.”

 

“You're trying my non-patience,” Crowley growled dangerously.

 

“Sir, I was just doing what I do. As you are more than aware, I do occasionally -- moonlight as a freelancer.”

 

“You do not freelance with them. What did Dean want?” Crowley asked, the anger in his voice thickening his accent more by the second.

 

“Well, uh, actually, it's, uh, starting to come back. He may have wanted to get into Hell.”

 

“My Hell? Why would he want to do that?” Crowley pondered with an irritated undertone.

 

“I don't know. I swear. My job -- I don't ask questions.”

 

“And what time is Mr. Winchester due back from Hell?” Crowley voice suddenly sounded like it was coated with honey and that was never a good sign.

 

“Uh, I'm picking him up in... Well, now 17 hours.”

 

“I see. Anything else?”

 

“No. I swear.”

 

“Hmm.” The last thing Ajay felt was a painful stab in his back before everything went dark. He couldn't hear Crowley's last words: “That's one fare you won't be collecting.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Cas couldn't calm down. He tried his favorite place in Heaven, but this time, watching the kite flying through the sky didn't bring his mind peace like it usually did. He was angry.

 

He knew that sealing Hell was the most important mission they ever had. It meant bringing an end to all the horrors in the world brought down on humanity by demons. But why did it always have to be Dean? He sacrificed enough and it was unfair that he had to carry this burden too. It was simply too much weight for this human's shoulders. But he always carried it happily – selflessly without any complaints. He wasn't the righteous man for nothing. That was part of why Cas had fallen in love him.

 

He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't help himself. He also knew that Dean was right. They wouldn't get separated – even if Dean were to die because of the trials – and even if he could barely feel Dean's soul through the separation of the planes. They were bonded. His soul would always find it's way back to his grace.

 

But what Dean didn't get was that Cas didn't want him to throw his life away. He knew the hunter gladly sacrificed his life because he thought he wasn't worth anything. That he didn't deserve better. That everyone's life was more important than his own.

 

And that simply wasn't the case.

 

Cas wanted a life for Dean – with Dean. A life that fulfilled him, that made him happy. He wanted to show Dean how much his life was worth – and how much life was worth living. He wanted Dean to watch his brother getting his 'apple pie' life back, to be happy and maybe find love again.

 

Cas sighed, caught deep in his thoughts when another angel approached him and cleared his throat.

 

“I'm sorry to interrupt your brooding but I would like to speak with you.”

 

Cas looked up to see Metatron standing in front of him, looking at him with a pitying smile.

 

“Metatron,” Cas greeted, squinting his eyes at the older angel.

 

“Castiel, I've heard a lot about you. I think we both have a lot in common – we're both free thinkers. I thought we could socialize, maybe grab a bite”

 

Cas looked at him confused: “I don’t eat… But I’d be glad to talk. I actually have been wanting to speak with you.”

 

Metatron smirked: “Oh, have you?”

 

“Yes, you were the angel who wrote down the word of God. I need answers about the trials that close the Gates of Hell.”

 

Metatron raised an eyebrow and sat down next to Cas on the white stone wall: “Why?”

 

“Because Dean is doing them...” Cas looked down at the grass, not wanting to show Metatron how he felt about that.

 

“Mmh. I'm sorry. He is the one bonded to you, right?”

 

“Yes,” Cas knew he did a poor job hiding the wavering in his voice.

 

“He will die if he goes through with this. This was always meant to be the ultimate sacrifice.”

 

Cas closed his eyes. He had known it – deep down... but to hear it, hear it spoken out loud as an irrevocable fact – it hurt, more than he would have imagined.

 

“There is a way to save him though but...” Metatron said thoughtfully after a while.

 

Cas looked up at the older angel in surprise: “What is it?”

 

Metatron looked at him with a pained expression, scratching his chin: “Love is a powerful force in the universe. You could save him but it would mean a great sacrifice from you. I'm not sure if I want to be responsible for leading you into this situation.”

 

“If you know a way to save Dean Winchester then please tell me. I would do anything to save him.”

 

Metatron sighed theatrically: “I knew you would say that. There is a spell we would have to perform before Dean completes the third trial. We'll need a few things for that, so we should start collecting these ingredients as fast as we can, if you really want to do this.“

 

“What is the first thing?” Cas asked with a serious tone.

 

“The heart of a Nephilim.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

 

It didn't take long to find the three trees with the portal to Hell. Benny and Dean were still the perfect team so they didn't have much trouble fighting and cutting their way through the monsters to get there.

 

“It's a rabbit hole. This is nuts.” Dean said to Benny who just shrugged: “After you, Alice.”

 

They were sucked into the portal and seconds later they found themselves in a dark, stone corridor. Cries, moans, and screams echoed from the red-tinged walls, underlining the cold feeling that crept into Dean’s heart. The worst part was that he barely felt his connection to Cas anymore. He had to get out of there fast. The emptiness felt like a cold hand tightly gripping his heart, squeezing it and filling it with darkness. Like Purgatory, Hell had it’s own way of screwing with your head. He shivered as he looked at Benny, who nodded at him reassuringly. He was never more glad to have Benny at his side.

 

They passed chained up and mutilated souls in cages, burned and bloody, weeping and pleading to free them and to end their misery. Dean tried to focus on the mission, to not let this get to him. They could only save Bobby and they had to find him.

 

They continued walking carefully down the corridor until they reached a door that opened easily, despite a rusty squeak. Dean slowly entered the cell, squinting his eyes to get used to the darkness in the room. In the shadow of the darkest corner he could make out a familiar shape wearing a baseball cap. The walls surrounding him were full of bloody scratches – as if someone had been counting by scratching lines into the stone walls with their fingernails.

 

“Bobby?” Dean couldn't believe his luck.

 

The man turned around and the flickering red light from the corridor highlighted a very haggard looking Bobby who suddenly threw a punch in his general direction: “Get the hell out of here, you black-eyed son of a bitch!”

 

“What? Bobby, it's me! Dean.”

 

“Yeah, and I'm Elvis. Move your ass!” Bobby snarled in a sarcastic tone.

 

“Bobby – It's me! Okay, damn it. If it's not Dean... Then how do I know all about you and Tori Spelling?”

 

“What?” Bobby asked, exasperated.

 

“You're a fan. Yeah. Or -- or, uh... Okay. What about your free pedicure at the Mall of America? You made me swear to never tell another living soul how it changed your life.”

 

“Dean?” Bobby grabbed him and pulled him forcefully into a hug. “I'm sorry, Dean, but you're the 200th Dean I've seen today. That's how they screw with me. Just endless Sams and Deans all wearing the same black eyes. Wait a minute. What the hell are you doing here? Please don't tell me it's what I think it is.”

 

Dean shook his head: “No, Bobby, I'm good. I'm here to get you out. You don't belong here, Bobby.”

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Am I the only one who sees the urgency of this situation?” Crowley snarled at the female demon.

 

“Sir -- “

 

“Something is going on. My Hellhound has been killed. Winchester junior size is trying to break into the mother ship. And that Prophet of theirs is madly translating away. Add it up!”

 

“I will, sir.”

 

“Where did we get you, huh? Temp agency? I need Kevin Tran, and I need his half of the tablet. Apparently, his half has the good stuff, where mine has the acknowledgments and 'about the author'.”

 

“It will be done.”

 

“It had better be. Find that kid.”

 

Crowley folded his hands under his chin and watched the female demon leaving the room in a hurry. This was bad. He had to do something very fast. And relying on his stupid, incompetent demons wasn't going to cut it.

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Charlie announced herself cheerfully as she strolled down the stairs. She hugged Sam fiercely and then looked around the room searchingly.

 

“Where's Dean?”

 

“Long story, but I need you for another emergency. I want you to meet Kevin.”

 

“The prophet?” Charlie asked in surprise. Sam nodded and led the redhead to Kevin’s room. “Hey, Kevin! I want you to meet someone.”

 

Silence.

 

“Kevin? Come on, man. You can't hide in there forever.”

 

They heard the main door opening through the corridors and ran back to see who was coming back. Sam's eyes went wide when he saw Kevin: “Where have you been? What happened to being scared?”

 

Kevin looked up and noticed the young, beautiful woman next to Sam: “Who are you?”

 

Sam grinned: “Kevin, this is our good friend Charlie and hacker deluxe, Charlie meet Kevin, the prophet of the Lord.”

 

When Charlie hugged him Kevin made a sound of surprise before shyly smiling at her. ”I’ve heard a lot about you, Kevin, and I think we share some interests. Sammy said you needed some ‘relax and have fun’ time, so I brought my PS3 and Wii U.”

 

Sam couldn’t help but grin when he saw Kevin visibly start to relax and smile. “Do you have Mario Kart?”

 

Charlie grinned: “Duh... Is the sky blue?”

 

While Charlie set up the hardware Sam pulled Kevin to the side: “So where were you, Kevin? You can't just leave.”

 

“I made a preemptive move. I couldn't sit here with the tablet like a... sitting duck and Crowley breathing down my ass. Getting rid of the tablet just takes off some of the pressure.”

 

“Wait. Getting rid of it?”

 

“Temporarily. I hid it.”

 

“What? Where?” Sam asked exasperatedly. He couldn’t believe Kevin had done that.

 

“If I tell you where, it's not hidden, is it?” Kevin deadpanned.

 

“But don't you need it to translate the rest of the trials?”

 

Kevin shook his head. “I have my notes, I can work out the rest without it. Believe me, it's better if the tablet isn't near me.”

 

“Maybe you're right. But if we need it....”

 

“I’ll tell you…” Kevin nodded before joining Charlie to help her finish setting up.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“You know where the hell you're going?” Bobby grunted quietly as they made their way through Hell's endless corridors.

 

“Yeah, we're almost there. Get back. Get back, get back.” Dean shooed them as demons walked around the corner. Dean attacked them with Ruby's knife, while Benny beheaded the other one with his hand-made Purgatory weapon.

 

“Let's go! We got to get out of here!” When Benny turned around there were suddenly two Deans, one on Bobby's right side and one on his left.

 

The one on Bobby's right side said: “Bobby, they're messing with you.”

 

“Don't listen to him. He's not real,” claimed the other one. Bobby looked between the two in confusion..

 

Benny beheaded the Dean on Bobby's left side and grunted: “Let's go.”

 

Dean snickered uncertainly: “You knew somehow, right?”

 

“Of course, I can smell the difference,” Benny shrugged and Dean was reminded of how glad he was that he brought Benny with him.

 

They ran down the corridor until they finally found the way back to Purgatory.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Cas?” Sam asked, looking up at the ceiling of the bunker. “I think it’s time we check on Ajay.”

 

Cas appeared in front of Sam – he looked horrible, his hair was sticking in every direction and he looked kind of tired. “Are you okay?”

 

“OMG! Is that who I think it is?” Sam turned around and looked at a very excited Charlie who was pointing at Cas.

 

Cas smiled at Charlie, but totally didn’t anticipate the fierce hug he received from her. “I've heard so much about you, well mostly from Dean and the books. Wow, you really are dreamy....”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion and Sam had to stifle his laugh: “Charlie is helping me keep an eye on Kevin.”

 

Cas nodded and his expression turned serious: “I think we should go."

 

“Yeah, right. Charlie...”

 

“Say no more, Sam. I've got everything under control. May the force be with you.”

 

Cas laid his hand on Sam’s shoulder and, after a second of disorientation, they were back in the alley where they had left Ajay’s cab. Sam knocked on the window as soon as they found it, but the reaper didn’t react. Sam frowned and opened the door.

 

“Ajay, hey...Fuck... Cas, he's dead.”

 

Cas closed his eyes and punched the car, leaving behind a huge dent in the metal. He looked like he was going to smite someone and the air around him seemed to charge up with electricity.

 

“Cas, there has to be something we can do.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“What the hell is this?” Bobby asked as he looked around the colorless forest they had landed.

 

“All right, don't get all pissed off. Purgatory,” Dean explained.

 

“Balls! I think it's time to answer a few question, kid! What's going on? And who’s the big guy?”

 

“Bobby this is my friend Benny. After we killed Dick, Cas and I were stuck here for a year. Benny helped us to get out.”

 

“So, you're a monster?” Bobby asked Benny, who just stood there and showed him his teeth.

 

“A frigging vampire? Well, you really went off the rails while I was gone, didn't you? So what's with the rescue mission? Not that I'm ungrateful, but...?”

 

“It's a long story. Basically I'm doing three trials to shut the Gates of Hell forever. One of it is to rescue a soul from the pit and bring it to Heaven.”

 

“You always have to play it big, right? So, how many more of these trials after this?”

 

“Just one. Don't know what it is, though -- not yet. Kevin's still translating.”

 

Bobby looked down at the forest floor that was covered in dead leaves. “Well... I'll, uh, do my part, get to the end of this, but... I ain't exactly the retiring type, so, you idjits figure out a way to spring me...”

 

Dean chuckled: “Yeah. No, of course.”

 

They followed the stream until they arrived at the familiar landmark that Ajay had brought them to when they first entered Purgatory. Benny looked around, confusion obvious on his face. “That’s uh -- yeah.”

 

“Oh, well, let's get topside. What's going on, Dean?” Bobby grunted as he saw Dean trading concerned looks with the vampire.

 

“This is it. This is the place. I'm sure of it. Our cabbie was suppose to meet us here” The hunter checked his watch. “Yeah. At exactly... now.”

 

“Our cabbie?” Bobby asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“A rogue reaper,” Benny explained calmly before looking at Dean. “He was very specific about the time, Dean. If he's not here, something went wrong.”

 

“So what should we do?” Bobby asked, irritation in his voice.

 

“We just take the old route home, right Benny?”

 

The vampire nodded and shouldered his heavy weapon: “Damn right, good that I still know the way.”

 

They walked quietly through the forest. Benny stayed ahead so he could scout the area but stayed close enough that Dean didn’t lose sight of him.

 

“So you spent a year in this place?” Bobby asked with concern.

 

“Running and fighting, all day, every day,” Dean answered quietly, concentrating on his surroundings.

 

“Must have been hell for Sam not being able to get you out all that time.”

 

It still hurt. Dean thought he was over it but being reminded by Bobby that Sam hadn't even tried to look for him...

 

“Yeah well, he didn’t try. But you know, it’s okay. I forgave him. He always wanted out of this life… and I really want that for him too. And besides, I wasn’t alone in this mess. Cas was here too, and Benny…”

 

Bobby needed a moment to process that information. He couldn't believe that Sam hadn't even tried to look for Dean. Although the older Winchester told him that he had forgiven his brother he could still see that he was hurt deeply by what happened. So he decided to change the subject.

 

“How's the angel by the way?”

 

“Cas?” Dean facepalmed himself in his mind. _Smooth._ Somehow talking about Cas with Bobby made him nervous.

 

“No, I meant the little mermaid. Of course Cas!”

 

“Um... He's... um...good?” _Facepalm the second._

 

Bobby stopped and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He looked at Dean as if to say 'I-can-see-through-your-shit-idjit'. “Dean? I may be dead but I'm not stupid. What's going on?”

 

“Nothing.... Really....It's just... We... um...” And Dean had never felt more grateful towards a bunch of vampires as he did at that moment, when a group of them chose just then to attack them. Dean stabbed the first one that went for Bobby right in the head and quickly shoved the lifeless body into a second monster who was instantly decapitated by Benny, who had just jumped into the fight. The vampire whirled around and grabbed the third attacker by the neck – ripping his throat out a second later. Benny let the corpse fall to the ground with a thump.

 

“We're here. Look,” Benny pointed at the cliff in front of them with a swirly blue portal at the top.

 

“The seam that gets us back up top?” Bobby asked grumpily.

 

“Mm-hmm, yeah, that's it. You remember what I told you, Dean?” Benny asked slowly, not looking at his friend.

 

“Yeah. All right, Bobby. When we get to earth and I release you, it's an express straight to Heaven. No time for goodbyes.”

 

Bobby huffed: “Already said goodbye to you once, Dean. Didn't seem to take. No reason to think I won't see you again somewhere down the road.”

 

“Yeah,” Dean grinned sadly.

 

“But if they give me a rocking chair up there, I'm raising hell.”

 

“I’ll ask Cas to look out for you,” Dean handed Bobby his knife and the old man slowly took it from him before using it to cut into his forearm.

 

“Conjuncti sumus unum sumus, “ Dean sliced into his forearm and they grabbed each other’s wrists, which transformed Bobby into a stream of red and white light that vanished into the open cut in Dean’s arm.

 

“All right. Come on, Benny. It's your turn. Hurry up.”

 

“Benny! And still working with the Winchesters.” A voice called out from behind them.

 

Dean whirled around to see a group of vampires approaching. “Benny, hurry!”

 

“Time for you to go, brother.” Benny patted Dean on his shoulder and walked towards the other vampires.

 

“Benny? What the fuck are you doing? Come on! If you think I’m leaving you behind with these fuckers you're crazy!”

 

“Dean this is goodbye. I was never any good up there anyway.” No. No, no, no, no!

 

“Benny, we can fix this. I promise...” Benny beheaded the first vampire that came too close and pushed Dean backwards towards the portal.

 

“There ain’t nothin’ to fix Dean. Please, just go. I belong here. I don't wanna go back. Being on earth is torture. Please just go and be safe. And say hi to the crazy aunt for me!”

 

Dean gave him a pained look and Benny smiled at him: “Thank you for being my brother, it was an honor.” Benny pushed Dean through the portal before he could step away. The last thing the hunter saw was Benny rushing into the group of vampires, fighting them off like a violent storm made of teeth and claws.

 

Dean fell to the ground. It was night and cicadas were chirping around him. He knew that he was in Maine - the same spot where he had come top side the last time he surfaced from Purgatory. As he slowly stood up, he felt Cas, even before he heard the flapping of his massive wings.

 

“Cas!” Dean turned around and Cas pulled him into a tight embrace. His brother cleared his throat and Dean grinned before giving him a side hug: “Hey, Sammy.”

 

“Did you get him out?” Sam asked, the relief that his brother was back in one piece was obvious on his face.

 

“Only Bobby,” He looked at Cas. “Benny wanted to stay behind.”

 

Cas gave him a sympathetic look: “I understand.”

 

Sam stepped next to Dean: “So, uh... Bobby -- how -- how'd he hold up down there?”

 

“He's good, all things considered. Ornery as hell, of course.” Dean grinned at Sam and his brother could only grin back: “As he should be. Let's put him where he belongs.”

 

Dean nodded and pulled back his jacket sleeve. He cut into his arm and held it up, before reciting the incantation: “Solvo haec phantasmata in terram, et inde ad olympum.”

 

A blue and white light began to emanate from his arm and slowly rose up into the dark night sky. But suddenly, something went wrong as the blue light turned into a cloudy mix of red and black.

 

“What the hell?” Dean cursed, noticing that Cas suddenly had his angel blade in his hand.

 

“Hello, boys.” Crowley stood behind them, looking up in the night sky. “Bobby Singer -- I'd know you anywhere.”

 

“Let him go, Crowley. He doesn't belong in Hell,” Cas growled.

 

“He does if I say he does. He's inflicted untold damage on my kind. From where I sit, actually, Hell's too good for him.”

 

Cas spread his wings and began to glow as Crowley frowned and stepped a few steps back. The king of Hell looked up and watched as flashes of white light shot through the black cloud and freed Bobby's soul from Crowley's influence.

 

“What? Oh, come on!” Crowley whined.

 

Cas extended his hand towards Crowley, and when it started to glow the King of Hell quickly realized it was time to go. He disappeared and Cas raised his hand upwards to free Bobby’s soul completely, which then shot up into the sky and vanished.

 

“It’s so good to have you here, Cas.” Dean grinned and took the scrap of paper with the Enochian phrase out of his pocket. as soon as the words left his mouth a sudden pain burned through his arm and cause him to fall to his knees with a groan. He grabbed his right arm in agony, barely noticing Cas and his brother immediately jumping to his side to help him. Dean made a fist and gasped as the burning light in his arm slowly faded.

 

“Dean? What? What?! Talk to me! What?!” Sam grabbed his shoulder, his long hair hanging wildly in his face.

 

“It's okay! It's okay! It's okay. I'm fine. It's done. It's done.”

 

Cas knelt beside him and looked at him like someone just stole his PB&J. Dean gave him a sympathetic smile and tried to restrain his urge to lean his head against his shoulder. He felt exhausted. Like he was just run over by a train and a bus... and a train again.

 

But Cas seemed to get it and he slowly pulled him into his arms and brought them back to the bunker. He didn't have much time to rest though, because as soon as they arrived they were faced with another shock.

 

Charlie lay on the floor bleeding from her head and the room was a mess. Cas rushed to her side and healed her immediately.

 

“Charlie! Oh my god, Charlie, are you okay? What happened?” Sam asked worriedly as he helped her up.

 

“Ugh, thanks Cas... They've got Kevin!”

 

“What? Demons? How could they got in here?” Dean huffed angrily.

 

Charlie shook her head: “No demons. They were humans. But they worked for Crowley. They said so right before they knocked me out. I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop them.”

 

“Don't worry, Charlie. I'm just glad, you're okay,” Dean said as he hugged her tightly: “Crowley, that son of a bitch.”

 

Castiel growled: “I should have killed him.”

 

“Next time, Cas. Next time. But first we have to get our prophet back.”

 

**TBC**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait. I drowned in work and then I drowned in feels because of the last few episodes... I still can't believe the fucking writers did this... Charlie....T_________T. She will live forever in my world.
> 
> Also this chapter got really long and I already can tell that the next chapter will get as long as this...
> 
> There are some lyrics in this chapter from Supertramp's "Goodbye Stranger" and a “kind of quote” from Avengers. Since the crypt scene is one of the best Destiel scenes ever in my opinion, it just had to be somehow in this fic. Of course it's very different and lacking the drama, but I hope you still like it. 
> 
> My eternal gratitude goes to drunk_idjit for her work as my beta! Also many thanks for all your kudos and comments! They're a great motivation!


	12. Deception

 

 **Chapter 12:** **Deception**

 

_I'll never waste another day_

_searching to find the reason_

_why did I choose to play this game_

_this goes too far_

_I'll take no more_

 

_Lacuna Coil – Self Deception_

 

 

Charlie arranged the last overturned chair back to it's rightful place before she let herself slump into it. Her gaze followed Sam who was on the phone speaking to another hunter: “Yeah, I know, Keel. Alright, well, if you hear anything, well, just give us a call. And thanks for keeping an eye out.” Sam hung up and sat beside Charlie with an exhausted look on his face.

“Nothing?” Charlie asked in a concerned voice.

Sam shook his head: “No other prophet seems to be activated, so at least that means Kevin isn't dead. But other than that... nothing. We have no lead and we have no tablet – only the notes Kevin has left us.” Sam rubbed his face with his hands and sighed heavily.

“How's Dean?”

Sam shrugged. “He’s in his room with Cas. He wasn’t feeling too well after the second trial so Cas forced him to lay down for a bit… I’m worried, Charlie. There’s more to the trials than we thought there was. They’re doing something to Dean, they’re changing him.”

Charlie nodded slowly: “Isn't there anything Cas could do?”

Sam looked at her sadly. “No and I think this is killing him.” 

Charlie laid her hand on Sam's arm: “Not just him. Come on, let's look at those notes from Kevin. Maybe we'll find something useful.”

Sam shook his head: “Dean is only getting worse and we're not gonna figure out what Kevin couldn't! I'd say we go to this Messenger of God who wrote the tablets in the first place!”

“Metatron? How?”

“Cas said he knew him. We should ask him.”

 

 

….:::: ::::....

 

 

“How are you feeling, Dean?”

Dean was wrapped in a warm blanket, looking miserable, but it didn’t hold him back from giving Cas a smug grin: “I’d feel better if you were under this blanket with me. 

Cas just gave him a stern look: “I have to tell you something, Dean... I found a way to save you.” 

“What?” Dean looked at him incredulously. “I thought we were already over this, Cas. I don't want you to interfere. It may mess with the trials.”

“But it won't. I spoke to Metatron and he told me how to save you without endangering the trials.”

Dean rolled his eyes: “Cas... How do you know that, huh? We don't know this Metatron. He could be lying.”

“Why would he lie? Dean, this is the chance – “

“Cas, no!” Dean interrupted forcefully. For a long moment they both just stared at each other until Cas finally sat down next to Dean on the bed with a sigh.

“You don't understand, Dean. When I was in Purgatory I had lost everything. I failed at being an angel, I lost my mission… I lost you. I was broken. When you found me and told me that you needed me... I... “ Cas looked down at the floor searching for words: “... It hurt. I couldn't understand why you tried to rescue me after all I did to you. You deserved a better angel than me.”

With a pained expression Dean laid his hand on the angel’s arm. Cas continued in a low voice. “When we found out about our bond… You made me feel whole again. You gave me my mission back. In a way you healed my broken wings.” Cas looked down at Dean’s hand on his arm then up at Dean with a warm smile. “I will save you because I cannot lose you. I just can’t.”

“You won't lose me, Cas. You said it yourself. We just move into a higher apartment, right?”

“I don't want you to throw your life away. Heaven is a place were you can enjoy all the good memories in your life, so I want you to live and have a chance to make those good memories. And what about Sam? He needs you. You both need each other.”

“Cas, I don’t have to tell you how important this is. Sam knows it too. Even if I die it’ll be worth it. This is for all the innocent people out there. This is the end. Of course I would rather spend my life here on earth with you - but this is the hand I’m dealt. I had a good run, Cas. And I gotta tell you, I’ve never been happier in my entire life than I have been these last few weeks. This is more than most people get.”

Cas shook his head: “Dean, would you at least consider speaking with Metatron? You could use his help anyway now that Crowley has Kevin.”

Dean sighed and held his hands up in defeat: “Okay, I'll speak with the dude. But no promises. 

“Thank you.”

He tapped his angel on the shoulder before bending over to open the drawer of his nightstand. “There's something I wanna give you.” Cas watched him fish a small, black box out of the drawer before throwing it over to him. Cas caught it easily and blinked at Dean in confusion. “What is it?”

Dean flashed him a charming grin that reached his eyes and made them look greener and more vivid than usual. “Open it.”

Cas carefully opened the box and found a silver, plain ring in it decorated with a groove in the middle. He tilted his head in confusion as Dean took the ring out of the box and slid it on the angel's ring finger.

“Nice, I guessed your size right,” the hunter murmured, feeling satisfied with himself, before showing Cas his own hand with a matching ring. “It’s a symbol, Cas. A human tradition. Something that shows everybody outside that we belong together.”

Cas let his fingers slide over the smooth metal before looking at Dean with an expression the hunter had never seen before. Cas’s eyes shown wet and his warm smile broadened into one that made Dean realize he had never seen Cas this happy before. The thought that he was responsible for that left a warm feeling in his chest.

“When did you get these?” Cas asked slowly as he looked admiringly at the ring on his finger.

“After you left me with the angel tablet, I happened to drive by a jeweler. Earned me some extra teasing from my brother but totally worth it.”

Cas gave him one of his rare lopsided grins before bending over to kiss Dean softly. “Thank you, Dean.”

They looked at each other and Dean thought his heart would burst out of his chest. Sometimes he still couldn't believe how Cas could make him feel so happy that it almost hurt. He pulled his angel back down to him by his coat lapels so he could kiss him again – losing himself in the taste of his lips, burying his fingers deep in the angel's unruly hair.

“Oops, sorry!” Charlie exclaimed suddenly.

“Have you ever heard of knocking?” Dean asked in annoyance, looking past Cas to discover his brother and Charlie standing in the doorway – grinning like idiots.

“Sorry Dean, but this is important. Cas you mentioned that you know Metatron, right? Could we speak with him?” Sam asked, his expression now serious.

Cas reluctantly stood up from the bedside and nodded. “I'll go and talk to him.”

He gave Dean a meaningful look before he spread his wings and was gone. Dean smiled at his brother and Charlie: “You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the fact that I can see his wings all the time now.”

“How are they looking?” Charlie sat down on his bedside where Cas had been sitting just a few seconds before – curiosity and excitement gave her eyes a beautiful sparkle.

“Totally bad-ass and soooo hot.”

Sam coughed in embarrassment and Dean grinned at his little victory of making his brother uncomfortable until Charlie’s voice yanked him back.

“Well, that's new! When did you got that ring? Is that what I think it is?”

Dean blushed and looked over at Sam who was giving him a smug grin: “Yeah, it is. I just gave Cas the other one. Wanted to make it official, you know...”

Charlie clasped her hands together and gave him a dreamy look: “Awwww, that is so romantic.”

Dean looked at her appalled: “Hey, it's a totally bad-ass ring. Nothing girly, romantic about it!”

Charlie grinned: “Of course, Dean.”

Sam smiled at them both and nodded: “I'm going to make you a power-snack to get you back on your feet. You rest a little more – you look like you need it.”

“But no rabbit stuff. I need manly calories,” Dean shouted after Sam as his little brother left the room.

Charlie watched Dean for a second in silence, her expression changed into a sad one: “How are you feeling, Dean?”

Dean sighed, his exhaustion showing on his face: “I'm fine.”

“Hey, I'm your queen. You can talk to me,” she smiled a little.

“I know, Charlie but what should I say? This sucks... but I'm happy, you know. We have a chance of ending it all and I have to take it.”

“No matter the cost?” Charlie asked breathlessly, her eyes shimmering wet.

“No matter the cost.”

 

….:::: ::::....

  
Kevin sat in his room at the bunker working on the demon tablet and massaging his head to suppress the oncoming headache. He knew this was all fake. The proverbial cake that was a lie.

The two demons that watched him work may have looked and acted like Dean and Sam but Crowley missed an important detail. And he underestimated Kevin’s paranoia – big time.

Crowley didn't know about Dean and Cas’s updated relationship status and, although Kevin had kept to himself while he had been in the bunker, he was neither deaf nor blind. So he had asked the demon who posed as Dean a few innocent questions about Cas to test his theory and was rewarded with the proof that something was rotten in the state of Denmark. He just had to get out of here.

“I can barely see. I need food,” he sighed dramatically before resting his head on the desk.

Demon!Sam shrugged: “Sure, what do you need?”

Kevin scribbled down a shopping list and handed it to the 'Sam-Demon' who squinted at it as he tried to read it: “Alright, uh, barbecue ribs, mashed potatoes...”

“Garlic mashed potatoes,” Kevin deadpanned.

“...Garlic mashed potatoes, mixed greens with... baby lettuce, cornbread, and, uh, Pad Thai?”

“Charlie says there's a good little place on the other side of town. Where is she by the way?” Kevin asked innocently.

“Oh, she had to go home, you know.”

“Without saying goodbye?”

“It was an emergency and she will be back soon. Don't worry.” Demon!Dean shrugged and grinned: “What the hell. Kid's been working hard. Let's go get him his stuff.”

Crowley watched as his Demons left Kevin's room on a monitor and leaned back in his 'director's chair' with a smug grin: “Those guys aren't half bad. Too bad that their bunker is standing in for the Winchester's hotel for the lost and found these days. If I had known that even their pet angel lives there nowadays... Maybe I should cast another one to play Castiel before the boy gets suspicious.”

The demon sitting next to the monitor smiled at Crowley: “You’re doing great, sir!”

Crowley shrugged and nodded thoughtfully: “Of course, if I wasn't running everything, I could've played Dean myself.”

“Oh, you would've made a great Dean, sir.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean was making himself a sandwich when his vision started to blur and he suddenly heard a ringing noise. He squinted his eyes and turned around to his brother: “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Sam looked at his older brother in concern. Dean looked like he had the flu – he was pale, sweaty and was swaying were he stood at the table. “Hey, hey, hey, Dean. Sit down okay?” Sam was at his side and brought him to a chair. The fact that his brother wasn't complaining about that only heightened his concern. He rushed in the kitchen to get his brother a glass of water.

“Here, drink that.”

Dean gladly took the water and looked around in confusion: “Where's Charlie?”

“Supermarket. How are you feeling, Dean?” Sam asked as he checked his older brother's forehead with his hand for fever. His skin was warmer than usual and his skin was sweaty.

“Mmmhh... Hey, you remember when uh... when Dad took us to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, on that pack-mule ride?”

Sam raised his eyebrow: “No, I don't remember. I was four when we made that trip.”

Dean chuckled: “My mule kept farting, just— l-letting go, like, gale force... A fart donkey... You laughed so hard you nearly fell off your own donkey.”

“Okay. Uh, how about you lie down a bit? You should get some rest.”

Dean nodded still chuckling: “Yeah, I can do that.”

Sam brought Dean into his room where his brother slumped onto his bed and fell asleep immediately.

….:::: ::::....

Crowley stood in front of the demon who would be impersonating Castiel and watched him with a critical eye: “So basically what you do is, you look grumpy and stoic – never – under any circumstances – smile.” He ruffled the demon's hair a bit more. “You hunch over when you talk and you always stay in Dean's personal space. Also you stare a lot at him.”  
  
The demon nodded and Crowley continued to explain Castiel's character traits to him: “Only give short answers in a very deep, gravelly and monotone voice. If someone talks to you, look away from them in the most inopportune times and stare at them when you talk. Oh, and don't blink. You're a warrior of God and you don't take any shit from humans – basically like a demon without the perks.”  
  
The King of Hell sent his newly cast addition into the room where he was holding Kevin, with some last warning to not screw this up, before sitting down in his chair to enjoy the show.  
  
“Hey, kid, you okay?” Demon!Dean asked Kevin, who looked up in irritation from his notebook as demon!Castiel entered the room. The prophet decided that this had gone far enough. He had to get rid of those hell monkeys.

Kevin shook his head: “I can't, alright? It— it's the break in the stone. There's key writing, I— I can't make it out. You guys were right, I— I do need the other half of the tablet to get the trial. It's not too far from here.”

Demon!Dean shrugged: “Awesome. Uh, what's the 10-20?”

….:::: ::::....

A few hours later the demons who were impersonating Sam, Dean and Cas were caught in a giant Devil's trap in an empty storage room. They all had annoyed looks on their faces as they looked at each other helplessly. Demon!Sam shrugged at some point: “There's no helping it. _Someone_ has to call the boss.”

Demon!Dean gave him a short sarcastic burst of laughter: “This _someone_ ain't gonna be me.”

Demon!Cas rolled his eyes in annoyance: “Let's play Rock-Paper-Scissors, come on.”

They put their hands in the middle and counted to three. Demon!Cas had 'scissors', Demon!Sam had 'paper' and Demon!Dean had 'rock'. They blinked at each other for a second in silence.

“Okay, that obviously didn't work,” Demon!Sam mumbled and they awkwardly put their hands away.

Demon!Cas grabbed Demon!Dean by his shirt and pushed him against the wall, smirking at him before growling into the other demon’s ear: “How about you just call Crowley since you have the phone?”

“You take your role too seriously, man,” Demon!Dean answered in a frightened voice.

Demon!Cas punched him in the face hard enough to make his nose bleed before letting him go, causing him to fall on his knees. “Do it!”

“Okay, okay!” Demon!Dean shouted, holding his hands up in surrender. He dialed Crowley's number as he mentally tried to kill the other demon with his 'death-glare'. Demon!Cas didn't seemed impressed though.

“King of Hell speaking.”

“The kid told us where the other half was, but it... wasn't. Dab of crap tricked us, sent us into some kind of Hunter mousetrap.”

Crowley rolled his eyes on the other side of line: “You jackasses, you're ruining my streak!“

….:::: ::::....

 

Everything was spinning. He could feel himself burning, fire licking at his body – ready to devour him.

_No, no, no...I'm back in Hell..._

Everything was black but he could make out some blurred shapes now and then. Where was he? Walls... they felt cold under his fingers. So tired... So cold... no, so... not cold... hot, the fire was back again, he couldn't see it but it was hot and it burned his skin, it suffocated him. _No air – can't breath, can't...._

_No, no, help me, somebody help me. Cas... Cas!! CAS!!!_

“Dean!!”

“DEAN!!”

_Who was that? Sam? Cas?_

Suddenly it was as if his heart had stopped beating and all the air had been ripped from his lungs in what felt like a punch to his chest. He filled his lungs with a deep, agonizing breath, suddenly becoming aware of the ice cold water all around him. His hands tried to grab anything that could save him from the freezing ice that surrounded him. His vision was still blurred and everything was spinning, something loud was ringing in his ears. He spotted blue eyes, wide with fear, and tried to move towards them but someone was pulling him away from the one thing that that spelled ‘safety’ for the hunter.

“Get off!” Dean pushed Sam away and scrambled in Cas's direction, who gripped him again and helped him out of the bathtub. Sam tried not to be hurt by that and wrapped his brother into a big towel.

“Take it easy, Dean. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, take it easy, take it... We found you on the floor, passed out, your temperature was at 107. I had to force it down or you were toast.”

“He's here, Cas, right? Metatron is here, I know it, I can hear him.

“Yes, I brought him with me,” Cas answered, his voice full of concern, tenderly pushing wet strands of hair out of Dean's face.

“Bring me to him.”

“I should be taking you to the ER,” Sam murmured, still in shock at seeing his brother in this weakened state.

“They can't do anything for me. You know that. I need answers.” Then he looked down at himself. “And I need dry clothes. I'm freezing my ass off.”

Cas laid his hand on Dean’s shoulder and suddenly Dean’s clothes were dry and warm again. The hunter grinned at him: “Thanks, Cas.”

“I wish I could do more,” Cas answered quietly and Dean didn't need their bond to know what Cas was feeling at the moment. He couldn't say that he didn't get it. He knew he would feel just as frustrated and helpless as Cas if heir roles were reversed in this situation.

The worst part was that if Cas were in this situation he wouldn't go to Heaven if he died. He didn't know what happened to angels when they got killed. He always thought they just vanished forever. He wasn't prepared for how much that thought made his heart clench painfully – forcing his arms to pull Cas into a tighter embrace. What if Cas died? He just couldn't imagine his life without him anymore. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, trying to focus on the task at hand. Cas wouldn't die. Period.

The hunter let himself be guided to the hallway of the bunker, where an older, scruffy looking angel was waiting from them.

“Metatron?” Dean asked weakly.

Metatron nodded and helped Dean to a chair: “Sit down.”

As Dean sat down he began clutching his hands to his ears. Metatron raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh. You’re resonating.”

“Resonating? What — what do you mean, resonating?” Dean asked too loudly, his hands still tightly covering his ears.

“You're pretty far along with the trials. You get that far along, you start resonating with the Word. Or with its source on the material plane. With me.” Metatron laid two fingers on Dean's head and the ringing faded into silence. Dean exhaled loudly in relief: “Thanks.”

  
….:::: ::::....

 

Crowley slammed the door open and stormed into the fake bunker room: “You little prat. Having fun yet?”

Kevin grinned smugly: “Screw you.”

“How did you figure it out?” Crowley asked, exaggeratedly.

“It started when they forgot the secret knock. But really, it— it was the way they acted. I don't think on their best day Sam and Dean would go into town and get me a barbecue dinner, not when there are leftover burritos in the fridge,” Kevin explained calmly – not mentioning the relationship update between Cas and Dean because that was something Crowley rather shouldn't know.

“So... my demons were too polite?” Crowley asked, disbelievingly.

Kevin shrugged: “Yeah.”

“Well, I'll be a son of a whore.”

  
….:::: ::::..

  
“So, Cas tells me you you’re out of hiding and back in Heaven. What’s the deal?” Dean asked curiously, trying to figure out what that Scribe of God was all about.

“I worked in the secretarial pool before God chose me to take down the Word. Anyway, he... seemed very worried about his work, what would happen to it when he left, so he had me write down instructions. Then, he was gone. After that, the archangels took over.”

Metatron pulled a chair from the table and sat down, folding his hands under his chin as he continued with his story: ”And they cried, and they wailed. They wanted their father back. I mean, we all did. But then... then they started to scheme. The archangels decided if they couldn't have Dad, they'd take over the universe themselves. But they couldn't do anything that big without the Word of God. So I began to realize, maybe they would realize... they needed me.”

“So you get a ruffle in your feathers and just decide to disappear? Go stick your head in the sand, forever?” Dean replied angrily.

“Well not forever. I'm here now, am I not? I've waited for a regime change in Heaven. I'm not a soldier like Castiel, here. I couldn't just go and fight the archangels. They would have killed me. But I watched you – and let me tell you – you are a masterpiece of free will. The essence of what God always intended.”

Dean suddenly reached over and yanked Metatron out of his chair by his coat. “All this time you’ve been hiding here on earth, watching our suffering? Humanity’s suffering! How much of it has been at the hands of your kind? Like KEVIN TRAN? He was just a kid. He was a good, straight-A kid, and then he got sucked into all of this - this crap. He became a prophet, for the Word of God .Your prophet. Now, you should’ve been looking our for him, but no! Instead you’re here, talking a big game about free will and shit. Guess what, free will also applies to you and you chose to be a coward! He’s probably dead now. Because of you.”

 

….:::: ::::....

  
Kevin leaned back in his chair and grinned at Crowley: “You know the Winchesters are up to the third trial? That they're gonna shut the door to Hell?”

“I'm not worried, kid,” Crowley lied.

Kevin picked up the demon tablet and looked at it thoughtfully: ”You have no idea what's on this demon tablet. Right, the power you could have gotten with this, if you weren't running around like a chicken with his head cut off.”

“You think I can't make you tell?”

“I know you can't. And you do too.”

Crowley squinted his eyes and stepped in front of Kevin: “You know what? I've already won, you little smudge. And I got deals and plans up the jacksie.” His hand suddenly grabbed Kevin's throat: ”And I don't... need... you!”

The King of Hell slammed Kevin against the wall, strangling him, when suddenly Kevin's eyes started to glow white. Crowley stumbled backwards, raising his hands to protect himself as the light grew brighter and started to burn his face and hands.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Kevin laid unconscious in one of the chairs as Metatron placed a glowing hand on the prophet's chest to heal the bruises around his neck.

“Is that it? Is he good?” Dean asked nervously.

Metatron nodded: ”Give him a minute.”

“You saved him. So what does that mean, are you in? With us, I mean.” Sam asked, still trying to comprehend that they had Kevin back in one piece.

“You really intend on closing the doors of Hell?” Metatron turned his gaze to Dean who just shrugged: “Seems like the thing to do, don't it?”

Metatron gave him a pitiful look: “It's your choice. And that's what this has all been about, the choices your kind make. But you're gonna have to weigh that choice. Ask yourself: what is it going to take to do this, and what will the world be like after it's done?”

A sudden groan from Kevin brought their attention back to the prophet as he slowly opened his eyes. Sam was next to him in an instant: “Kevin? Hey. I thought we lost you.”

Kevin looked around in confusion: “I'm good.” He pulled the demon tablet out of his jacket. “Second half of the tablet. And I got it. Third trial. I didn't tell Crowley.”

“You're a hero, kiddo!” Dean ruffled Kevin's hair, smiling, overjoyed to have the boy back to safety. “So what is it?”

“To cure a demon,” Metatron stated, dryly.

“Yeah,” Kevin looked at the angel in confusion: ”Who are you?”

Castiel tilted his head. “Cure a demon of what?”

Metatron shrugged and Sam rolled his eyes. “Cure a demon. Okay, ignoring the fact that we have no idea what that actually means, if we— if we do this, you get better, right? I mean, you stop trying to cough up a lung, and, and, and bumping into furniture?” Sam asked Dean, who was sitting in a chair looking downright exhausted.

Metatron shook his head: “He won't feel better. He will die after he completes the third trial. This was always meant as a sacrifice.”

Sam stared at Metatron in shock. “What?!! Did you know about that, Dean?”

Dean shrugged: “We always knew this had a price.”

“It doesn't have to end that way. I'm sure Castiel has already told you about that,“ Metratron told Dean in a calm demeanor. Dean nodded and squinted his eyes: “And what is the price he has to pay for this?”

“One I'm willing to pay, Dean,” Cas answered with a cool expression on his face – only their bond was betraying him, showing Dean how angry and desperate the angel really felt. Dean pushed himself up and walked up to his angel. “Tell me! What is the price?”

“My grace. I won't be an angel anymore.”

“No!” Dean stated tersely.

“Why not?” Cas didn't raise his voice often but his cool demeanor was starting to crack and fall apart under the pressure and his anger was starting to show.

“Because you're a frickin' angel, for Christ's sake! You can't give that up for me.”

“Of course I can. And I will. I told you, I'll do anything to save you.”

“And what about our bond? If your grace is gone, what'll happened to it?”

Cas looked down and answered quietly: “It will cease to exist.”

Dean's threw his hands up in despair: “How can you risk that? What if this doesn't work? What if God's secretary here is full of shit – ?”

“ – Hey! I'm standing right here,” Metatron complained but Dean ignored him. “We can't risk this, Cas. I'd lose you and I don't wanna give this – us – up.”

“And what if it works? We could spend a real life together! You could live and see your brother grow old, have a normal life. That’s what you’ve always wanted – ”

“And I'm giving that to Sam!” Dean interrupted Cas and put his hand on his shoulder to calm him down: “But I’m not risking that chance. And neither are you!”

“But – “

“No, Cas! This discussion is over!”

Cas spread his wings dangerously wide in the cramped room as he glared at Dean, pushing the hunter’s hand forcefully from his shoulder. Dean took a few steps back, holding his hands up in defense. Although he could see Cas’s wings all the time now, sometimes he forgot that Cas was an angel - a powerful being that could kill him in the blink of an eye. Cas turned around with a huff and beat his wings once before disappearing.

When Dean turned around he realized Metatron had vanished as well. The hunter shrugged and looked at his brother with an unsure grin. “He’ll come back when he’s cooled down”

Sam sighed in defeat: “You think he’ll just drop it?”

Dean shook his head: “He's as stubborn as I am. Of course, he won't. I need you on this, Sammy. You have to make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble. I don't trust this secretary angel.”

Sam nodded: “Me neither. He clearly hasn't told us the whole story.” He clapped his hands and looked around for Kevin, who was sleeping with his head on the table. Poor kid had gone through hell. He shared a smile with his brother and gestured towards the library: “Guess we're back to research. Cure a demon – that's gonna be interesting.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Please tell me that's everything,” Dean groaned and laid his forehead on the table, successfully hiding between all the boxes Sam had already put on the table.

Sam chuckled: “No, not even close. You see, the Men of Letters kept files on every demonic possession for the last 300 years, I mean, we've got Borden, Lizzy, all the way to Crane, Ichabod.”

Sam could hear a non-committal noise from behind the boxes. He grinned and walked around the table to sit next to his brother, who had folded his arms on the table and buried his face deep into them.

“How you feeling?”

“I feel like that one time I had that Jaeger hangover.”

Sam checked his watch and frowned: “Charlie should be coming back from her grub run soon. Maybe you’ll feel better after you eat something.”

“I’ll feel better when we know more about this demon cure.”

They both spent the next 20 minutes looking through files when Kevin joined in to help. He was still looking tired but at least he looked better than he had before. Maybe he was finally starting to hope that this nightmare his life had become was going to get better in the near future. Dean could only hope so. Kids like him shouldn’t even be involved in shit like this. He should be with his mom, playing video games. He should be nervous about going on a date with a hot chick, not about demons coming after him.

Sam suddenly interrupted Dean's musing about their young prophet: “Hey, uh, do we have a room 7B?”

It took a few minutes to find room 7B which turned out to be an archive room filled with files.

“Heard anything from, Cas?” Sam asked cautiously.

“He's still pissed at me. I can feel him brooding in the back of my head – giving me the fucking silent treatment like a five year old.”

“Did you try and talk to him?”

Dean shook his head: “No use. He needs to cool down first. Believe me, you don't want to talk to him when he’s pissed off. That’s dangerous for your whole health situation.“

Sam raised his eyebrows and nodded, remembering when Cas had hauled Dean's ass back to Bobby's, rescuing his older brother from his own decision to give his life over to Michael. It wasn't totally far-fetched that Cas could do something similar to Dean again – like beating the shit out of him until he'd agreed to stop with the trials.

“But you know... it's Cas...,” Sam said after a while.

Dean chuckled: “He'll come around, as soon as he misses our sweet, sweet love – “

“Oh god Dean, stop! I don't wanna hear that!”

Dean laughed at his brother’s embarrassment but his expression soon became solemn again. “Seriously though, if he gets back, talk to him. See if you can find out what he’s been up to.”

Sam gave him a curt nod. Oh he would talk to Cas and find out what his plan was. But not for the reason Dean wanted him to. He would do everything in his power to help because, like Cas, his top priority was to save Dean.

“What are we supposed to be looking for down here?” Dean let a finger slide through the dust on some of the boxes.

“Um, anything on case 1138. It was a class 5 infernal event -- St. Louis, March 8, 1957.”

“ _Class 5 infernal event_?”

“Yeah. See, the Letters have this whole rating system. "The Exorcist" would have been a class 2." 

Dean raised his eyebrow: “All right, so, what makes this puppet show so special?”

Sam shrugged: “One of the files just had a note written in the margin about room 7B and the word "weird" with three exclamation points.”

“Sounds weird...,” Dean offered as Sam went through the boxes on one of the shelves: “Dean, look, check this out!” Sam pushed a set of shelves back to reveal an area with a devils trap on the floor and manacles on the walls. Dean's eyes went wide with surprise: “Whoa.”

“Is that a Devil's Trap? It takes up half the room. These chains -- they have spellwork etched into them.”

Dean's grin nearly stretched from one ear to the other: “We have a dungeon! Finally!” He turned around as he heard Sam shuffling through some boxes and pulling out an old movie reel. “What’cha got there?”

Sam held the reel up and smiled: “Movie night?”

….:::: ::::....

 

Castiel stood on the peak of a mountain called Annapurna II in the middle of Nepal and looked into the bright, blue sky that stretched seemingly forever over his head. The silence of the snowy mountains around him usually soothed him when he was really angry, but this time the soothing effect took its sweet time. Maybe it was because he was also desperate. He couldn't understand why Dean didn't even want to try to save his own life.

The angel kicked some snow away with a grunt and folded his arms across his chest. Dean always thought of others first. He was the least selfish person he knew. Surely this was also because the hunter still didn't think he deserved to be saved. But he would save him anyway. Even if that meant that Dean was going to be pissed at him.

Cas looked into the vivid green valley that stretched from the foot of the mountain into other hills and mountains. The green of the grass and trees shone brighter in contrast to the snow and without wanting, it reminded Castiel of the hunter's beautiful eye color.

He didn't want to spend his time being angry at Dean. Their time together was precious and he wasn't going to waste it. In a thought he was back in Kansas, standing in front of a mini-mart. The angel took a shopping basket and picked up stuff he knew Dean would like and that he probably would need, like beef jerky, beer, toilet paper... he briefly considered picking up a 'Busty Asian Beauties' porn magazine but after an unpleasant, hot feeling in his chest, he put it away again.

When he went to the register he spotted a small pie stand and he instantly knew that this was all he needed to make Dean happy: “Where's the pie?”

The clerk, a young guy with pimples, rolled his eyes and looked at him with a bored expression:”I think we're out.”

_No. This can't be._

Cas squinted at the clerk: “You don't understand,” he grabbed him and pulled him over the counter. “I. NEED. PIE”

Cas heard the rustling of wings behind him. “Put the virgin down, Castiel. We need to talk.”

Cas lowered the clerk, who looked like he just pissed his jeans, back to his spot. “I hope you haven’t changed your mind about helping me. I don't care if Dean doesn't want to be saved, I will do it anyway.”

Metatron grinned: “Do you like crepes?”

Castiel tilted his head, wondering what it was with Metatron and food.

“Eugenie's in Ojai makes the greatest caramel apple crepes.” Metatron disappeared and Cas suppressed his urge to roll his eyes. This angel had a tendency to be overly dramatic.

  
….:::: ::::....

 

Dean, Kevin, and Sam had found out two surprising facts while watching the movie. One: The meat suit Abaddon was in had made an appearance. And two: They witnessed a weird (with three exclamation points!!!) exorcism that they had never seen before. They even had a lead with an older priest, Father Simon, who was present at the time of the exorcism and was still alive, living in St. Louis.

When they called him, he readily supplied them with information about Father Thompson, who had some unorthodox ideas, prompting the Men of Letters to gain an interest in him in the first place. Father Simon agreed to send them all of the paperwork and digital recordings he still had on Father Thompson and his rituals to help them on their quest to close the gates of Hell forever.

But all that moved to the bottom of the priority list because Charlie still hadn't come back to the bunker. They had tried to call her but her phone was switched off.

“I'm calling, Cas,” Dean finally said after wearing their non-existing carpet thin with his worried pacing.

Sam raised his eyebrows: “You sure that's a good idea?”

“Hey, Cas is a professional!” Dean smirked, closed his eyes and concentrating on Cas in his mind.

_Cas, I really need you here. It's an emergency. Charlie is gone._

He heard the familiar flutter of wings and smiled when he saw his disheveled angel in front of him, holding a pie in his hands with a shy smile on his face. “You brought me pie?”

“A peace offering,” Dean took it form his hand and put it down on the able so he could draw the angel into his arms. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” Cas grumbled into the hunter's neck, causing goosebumps to break out on Dean's arm. Dean closed his eyes, enjoying the moment of being close to Cas again before letting go reluctantly, instantly losing himself in the angel’s blue eyes.

Sam coughed behind them, pulling Dean out off his reverie effectively. “Cas, Charlie is gone and we can't reach her on her phone. Can you find her? She just went out for a grub run.”

Cas nodded: “Sure. I'll come back as soon as I find something.” He spread his wings and was gone, only leaving coldness under Dean's fingers.

“He'll find her...,” Dean said more to himself than to his brother.

The laptop made a sound indicating that they had a new email and Sam went to check it while Dean began to pace again.

“Dean, Father Simon has sent us the recordings. So it turns out that, uh, Father Thompson recorded all of his demon-cure tests. This one here, this was the last one -- two days before he died.”

He pushed the play button and they listened to the recording: _“The date is August 3, 1958. This is trial 19, hour 1. My subject is Peter Kent. Mr. Kent is the father of two young sons, and three weeks ago, he was possessed by a demon. I'm going to ask you a question now. When you crawled into Mr. Kent and ate his children, how did it feel?”_

They heard the other man, Peter Kent speaking with a vicious snarl in his voice: _”Orgasmic. Aah!”_

The father commented in a neutral voice: _“The first dose has been administered.”_

Dean looked at his brother thoughtfully: “Do we know what padre was dosing number-one dad up with?” The demon from the recording snarled loudly in pain before Sam could answer: “Uh, yeah, his own purified blood.”

“Purified how?”

“Before he started, Father Thompson went to confession.”

Dean nodded and they listened to Father Thompson’s detached but tired voice again: _“This is trial 19, hour 2. When you ate his children, how did it feel?”_

“ _Stringy! Aah!”_ The demon shouted and cackled.

“ _The second dose, has been administered Hour 4. When you ate his children --”_

“ _Kiss my ass!”_

“ _How did it feel?” – “Soft. Aaaah!”_

“ _The sixth dose has been administered.” – “Stop.”_

“ _How...” – “Please. Aah!”_

“ _...did it...” – “Aah! Aah!” – “...feel?”_

“ _STOP!!!”_ They heard heavy breathing from the recording and Sam looked at Dean with wide eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Whatever Father Thompson was doing it clearly had an effect on the demon.

“ _Hour 8, the subject is prepped.” – “Aah! Aah!”_

Father Thompson's voice sounded exhausted, he was breathing hard but his voice was still clear and commanding: _“Exorcizamus te,omnis immundus spiritus. Hanc animam redintegra,lustra! Lustra! When you ate his children, how did it feel?”_

The demon sounded broken, they heard him... crying while he murmured his answer: _“They were screaming...and I laughed. Why did I laugh? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. God, I was a monster.”_

“ _But now you are a man again. And you have been saved.”_

The recording ended and Dean and Sam looked at each other in stunned silence. Sam was the first to find his voice again: “Did he just... Cure a demon?”

“Maybe. We should take this hoodoo on a test drive.”

Sam nodded: “Um, I have the exorcism right here. All we need is the blood, consecrated ground, and a demon. So, what? We summon a demon, trap it --”

He was interrupted by Cas, who suddenly turned up again. “Did you find her?” Dean asked as he felt the concern coming from his angel. Cas shook his head: “Although I'm sure that Crowley kidnapped her. I found traces of sulfur at the supermarket nearby.”

“He knows about the trials,” Kevin said from the door as he slowly entered the library. “This is my fault.”

Sam shook his head: “It's not your fault, Kevin and we'll get her back. I'll promise.”

“Not only that. Hey Sam, how about we catch ourselves a little guinea pig?” Dean grinned as he threw his younger brother a meaningful look.

“You want to have a pet?” Cas asked, clearly disconcerted with that idea. Sam rolled his eyes but Dean just grinned and laid his arm around the angel's shoulder: “Crowley is our guinea pig. We'll test our demon cure theory on him.”

“You already have a theory about the last trial...?” Cas murmured softly.

Dean could feel Cas's pain like a knife stabbing him in the chest. He pulled Cas closer to him: “Hey, we still have time, and after that, eternity. You won't lose me unless you do something stupid.”

“Stupid... like saving your life? You can't possible believe that I will stand idly by while you die in front of me.”

“Can we talk about this later? First, we should get Charlie back to safety...” Dean looked down at Cas when he spotted something out of the ordinary on his angel. “Is that blood on your shirt? What happened to you?” Cas looked down at himself and frowned. He let his hand glide over the blood spatter and it vanished instantly. “I had a fight earlier, it's not of import. Do you want to call Crowley?”

Right at that moment Sam's cell phone rang. The display showed the number 666 and Sam put the call on speaker – they all knew who this was.

“Hello, boys,” Crowley greeted in his familiar British accent.

“Crowley,” Sam gritted through his teeth. “What do you want?”

“Ah, first things first -- what are you wearing?”

Dean huffed: “Oh, okay, hanging up now. Hang up.”

“Fine. This isn't a social call. I was wondering if you were, by any chance, missing a certain charming little redhead?”

“I swear, if you even look at Charlie funny...” Dean started but Crowley interrupted him: “You want your wee, little girl back, it's easy: You bring me the Demon Tablet and stop this whole trials nonsense.

Sam groaned: “We don't have the tablet. Kevin took it and --”

“I took Kevin. Then some angel took him back. Since you have angels on speed dial nowadays I assume the cutest little Prophet in the world is with you two lads. If not you better find him tout-bloody-suite because time, she is a-wasting. And wasting time is boring and if I get bored I start to cut things... You want to keep her alive. I want complete and utter surrender. The tablet, the trials -- you'll give them up, or your precious little Red Riding Hood is _Pedigree_ for my dogs. Your choice, my darlings.”

Sam gave Dean a small nod: “Okay, Crowley. We'll do it. We'll make the deal.”

“Alright -- I'm sexting you an address. Come when you have the demon tablet – the whole Demon Tablet. Then we'll talk. Cheerio.” The phone call went dead as Dean sat down heavily on the table. “Well, you know it's a trap.”

“Of course it's a trap. But a trap means demons, and we could use one right now.”

  
….:::: ::::....

 

“Can I talk to you for a second, Cas?” Sam asked tentatively, keeping an eye on his brother who was speaking with Kevin in the next room. Cas noticed and instantly knew what this was about. “Of course, Sam.”

“I know you’re going to save my brother and I wanted to tell you that I’m one hundred percent behind you on this. Look, I don’t know why Dean thinks I’ll let him just sacrifice himself when we have a way to save him. I guess, maybe he’s still hurt because I didn’t look for a way to bust him out of Purgatory. Anyway, he wants me to keep an eye on you but in reality I want to help you, Cas. So what’s your plan?”

Cas watched Sam closely – he could see the sincerity in the younger Winchester's eyes. “Metatron knows a spell. I’ve already acquired the first ingredients. I was going to meet him again for the second addition but Dean called me.”

Sam nodded: “Then go, I'll cover for you. And call me when you need my help.”

Cas nodded and jumped to Houston, Texas in the blink of an eye. The small street were he landed was empty but as he looked around he spotted Metatron behind him. “Metatron. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”

Metatron shrugged at him: “No problem, follow me.”

They went into an empty bar called Doc Marley’s Cocktails and sat down in a booth. Metatron ordered two beers from a friendly looking barman as Cas waited to ask a question he had wanted to ask the scribe for a long time now: “What was he like?”

“Who? Oh. God? Mm, pretty much like you'd expect,” he sighed pensively before he continued: “Larger-than-life, gruff, bit of a sexist. But fair -- eminently fair. The Nephilim was a monster, Castiel.”

Cas looked at the table to hide the guilty expression on his face. He had struggled with that particular task a lot. He couldn't see a Nephilim as a monster. She was the result of an angel and a human in love and that was a bit too close to home for Cas. But there was nothing he wouldn't do for Dean.

“What is the next ingredient?”

Metatron tipped his chin in the direction of the barman: “His name is Dwight Charles. I've been listening in on the Angel radio. Cupid frequency, actually. And he is the next on their list to find love. He's slotted to be dinged by Cupid's arrow within 24 hours, which is good for us, because the second ingredient is retrieving Cupid's bow.”

“No killing?” Cas asked him hopefully.

Metatron smiled at him: “No killing.”

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean parked the Impala at the side of an empty country road and left the car with Kevin and Sam. The prophet immediately started digging right under a huge sign with a picture of a devil and the words “Dave & Paul’s Chili Pot Restaurant” written on it.

“You hid the Demon Tablet underneath the devil? Seriously?” Dean asked, shaking his head.

Kevin looked at him with a frown as he pulled a bag with the other half of the demon tablet out of the shallow hole he had dug. “What? I was delirious.” The young prophet slotted both pieces together and they merged into a complete tablet, glowing white in the process.

“You sure this is gonna work?” Kevin asked as handed the tablet over to Sam.

“What choice do we have?”

“All right, listen, we bring you back to the bunker. You’re gonna lock the door behind you, you understand me? No keggers.” Dean handed the keys to the Men of Letters bunker to Kevin who looked at them sadly.

“I'll wait with that for when Charlie is back.”

“Yeah, well don't worry, just lay low. Who knows? You'll be a mathlete again before you know it.”

Kevin looked at Dean with a sincere expression on his face: “Dean, I know, um... I just wanted to tell you... well, thank you.”

Dean shrugged and grinned: “You're welcome.”

They brought Kevin back and, as promised, he had locked himself up in the bunker. Crowley had sent them the address of Bobby's junk yard in Sioux Falls and they had a six hour drive in front of them so they drove straight on.

Throughout the whole drive Dean tried to not think about Cas. Sam had told him that Cas had agreed to find out more about Metatron before he continued his mission to save Dean. That would hopefully buy them some time to get a demon (a.k.a Crowley) and maybe complete the trials before his angel could do something stupid. It wasn't that Dean didn't understood why Cas was doing this. Hell, he would do the same if their places were switched. He just wished they weren't in this situation and Cas would just stay with him – at his side – instead of flying around, trying to find a magical cure for whatever it was, that was destroying his body.

When they finally arrived at Bobby's place Dean parked in front of his old house. He missed the old man – he could really used his advice right now. Dean hoped he'd see him again once he finished the trials – fairly sure the first words out off Bobby's mouth would be 'Idjit'.

“Hello, boys,” Crowley greeted suddenly from behind them. Dean and Sam whirled around, greeted by the sight of a smug grin from the King of Hell and Charlie bound to an old wrecked car.

“Charlie, you okay?” Dean asked, worriedly. He stepped forward to help her but Crowley held his hand up: “Uh-uh-uh! Not so fast.” Dean stopped in his path, looking to Charlie who gave him a reassuring nod, looking scared but otherwise okay.

“Where's the stone?” Crowley asked coldly as Sam and Dean exchanged a short look. The younger Winchester slowly pulled the Demon Tablet from inside his jacket to show it to Crowley.

“There she is,” Crowley grinned and pulled a scroll out of his own jacket. He threw it out and it unrolled about ten feet between him and the brothers. Dean gave him a look that said 'Are-you-fucking-kidding-me': “Yeah, I'm sure there's no hidden agendas in there.”

“The highlights --we swap the tablet for the girl and you stand down from the trials forever.”

Sam reached inside his jacket, pulling out a pen to sign the contract with but Crowley yanked it back a couple of feet.

“Nice try, Moose. Squirrel is doing these trials. Squirrel signs.”

Sam shook his head: “No, no. He's not signing anything until I read the fine print.”

Dean yanked the pen away from Sam: “I can read it.”

“Hey, you wanted me here. I'm here. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him screw us over even more.” Sam shouted angrily at his brother.

Crowley chuckled: “What's this? Trouble in paradise, boys?”

….:::: ::::....

 

Nathaniel quickly walked into Naomi's office. The clearly distraught expression on his face told Naomi instantly that something wasn't right. “What is it, Nathaniel?”

“One of our freelancers has reached out to us. He's found Metatron.”

“Where?” Naomi stood up from her chair.

“A drinking establishment in Houston, Texas. And...”

“What?” Naomi asked impatiently.

“Castiel is with him.”

Naomi narrowed her eyebrows as she heard the name. It was always Castiel.

“Any sign of the angel tablet?”

Nathaniel shook his head.

“I'm sure that Metatron has stolen it from the vaults but I don't have any proof. And that he is meeting Castiel of all angels is highly suspicious. It's time we clear some things up.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Crowley rolled his eyes: “You're gonna move your lips the whole way up here, aren't you? You know why I always defeat you? It's your humanity. It's a built-in handicap. You always put emotion ahead of good, old-fashioned common sense. How about you sign this now?”

Dean slowly moved closer while he was fake-reading the scroll. Before Crowley could react the hunter quickly slapped a pair of cuffs on the King of Hell's wrists.

“Is this a joke? You realize all I have to do is...” Crowley snapped his fingers but nothing happened. Dean smiled at the King of Hell: “Demonic handcuffs, jackass. No flicking, no teleporting, no smoking out -- oh, and... no deal. Which pretty much means that you're our bitch.”

“Fine. You want to play chain gang? Let's.” Crowley tried to punch Dean but he ducked and punched the demon's face instead: “I can do this all day, 'cause you know what? Damn, it feels good! But sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it -- you're ours. Which means that your demon ass is going to be a mortal ass pretty damn quick.”

“What's he mouthing on about?” Crowley asked, confusion and worry visible on his face.

Sam grinned: “You're the third trial, Crowley.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. My dad-in-law died out of the blue four weeks ago so I didn't feel like writing in that time. Thanks for reading and all your comments and kudos. I'm very happy so many of you like the fic!
> 
> Good news: I already finished writing the next chapter and it's already in my beta's capable hands. So next chapter shouldn't take that long to update. 
> 
> Also many thanks to my beta... my chapters tend to get very loooong.


	13. Fall

 

**Chapter 13: Fall**

 

_Lost like I could not be found_

_No connections of the heart_

_Love was glass that broke apart_

_Amanda Marshall – Fall From Grace_

 

“What are you reading?” Metatron asked curiously as he tried to get a glimpse of the newspaper Cas had spread on the table in front of him.

“Personal advertisements,” Cas answered non-emotionally. “The faster that man finds love, the faster the Cupid will come. Trust me. I'm friends with friends who do this for a living.”

Dwight, the barman walked over to them with a friendly smile: “Help you gents?”

Cas grinned at him: “Yes. Would you say that you're looking for, uh, a partner in crime... ...or, uh, someone who's into nurse role-play and light domination?”

Dwight raised an eyebrow: “Brother, it's 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.”

Metatron gave him an apologetic look: “Uh, we'll have two drafts, please.”

The barman nodded: “Coming up.”

When he walked away to get their order Metatron tilted his head and looked at Cas with an amused expression: “You're not the most subtle tool in the shed, are you?”

Suddenly the older angel was snatched up from his seat by another angel. Cas jumped up, his angel blade sliding readily in his hand. He quickly turned around to see that he was surrounded. Two female angels were standing behind him, one male angel had Metatron in a tight grip and next to him was Naomi, staring at Cas dangerously.

“I advise you to not interfere, Castiel,” Naomi told him in a cold, unemotional voice.

Cas felt one of the angels behind him inching closer and closer when there was a sudden gunshot. Everybody turned around to see the barman aiming a shotgun at them . “Next one won't wing you. Take it someplace else.”

In the blink of an eye one of the female angels appeared right behind Dwight and slammed his head down on the counter. The barman fell to the ground unconsciously.

Castiel glowered at Naomi: “Let him go!”

Naomi huffed: “Haven't you caused enough harm already, Castiel?”

As Cas took a threatening step towards Naomi, Metatron's shaky voice stopped him: “Stop. Please, Castiel, don't make this any worse. Please.”

The angels disappeared with Metatron, leaving Castiel standing alone in the bar. He didn't have time for this! Dean was already so far into the third trial. He needed help.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean parked the Impala in front of a small, abandoned church as Charlie was finishing her call with Kevin, letting him know that she was okay and reassuring him that he didn't need to worry about her. They had become close friends over the last few days, guessing it had something to do with their shared interests and bonding over the fact that they both got pulled out of their lives to live in this secret world that no one else knew about. The road to the church was muddy and full of deep puddles, fitting the creepy atmosphere the abandoned church was giving off - the deep, gray clouds hanging dramatically over the old building completed the picture.

 

Dean opened the trunk and hauled a cranky King of Hell out of it, towing him in his chains inside the church. Sam chained Crowley to a chair while Dean sprayed a devil's trap around him. The King of Hell shook his chains and looked at Sam in discomfort: “You really think this is gonna hold me, that you're gonna cure me or whatever it is?”

 

Dean, still holding the spray can, gave it one last shake before tossing it across the room where it hit a wall in the corner. The hunter smirked at Crowley and walked away, exchanging a quick look with Charlie to tell her to keep an eye on the demon. She nodded, looking nervously at the ceiling when she heard thunder starting to rumble.

 

Dean joined his younger brother outside at the Impala where he was pouring holy oil into a jar.

“He's primed. What do you need that for?”

 

Sam shrugged: “Just want to be prepared for anything. How you feeling?”

 

“Honestly, for the first time in a long time, it feels like we're gonna win. I'm good... I'd feel better if Cas was here, though.”

 

Sam nodded: “Do you know what he's doing?”

 

Dean shook his head, a sad expression overshadowing his face: “I feel his distress...” Dean slid his hands over his face and then ran them through his hair: “I just don't understand why he's so hellbent on saving my life. It doesn't mean the end for us. We took care of that with the bond.”

 

His brother gave him a sad look: “You really don't get it, do you?” Sam shook his head: “Dean, he wants you to have a life! Look, your soul goes to Heaven when you die and that is awesome and good to know, but your life will be over! There's nothing you can do up there except relive your memories. Is it really so hard to understand why Cas is doing this?”

 

Dean hadn't expected his brother to have such a strong reaction to this. He frowned at him: “But you understand why I have to do this, right?”

 

“Yes and I would do the same, doesn't mean I'm happy about it, okay?” Sam threw his hands in the air and shook his head angrily before closing the lid on the jar with the holy oil.

 

Dean cleared his throat before he looked up at his brother again: “All right, well, no dancing in the end zone until we're finished. What's the good father's playbook say now?”

 

Sam sighed, trying to calm himself down: “Well... Now that we got the consecrated ground, you just, uh slip Crowley one dose of blood every hour for eight hours and seal the deal with a bloody-fist sandwich. That should do it.”

 

“My blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it? I don't think, uh -- I ever done the "forgive me, father" before...”

 

“You know what to say?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I have a pretty good idea,” Dean smirked and his younger brother rolled his eyes as he continued to fill a bag with needed items for the trial. When he was done they walked back towards the church in silence, only the thunder commented from the distance.

 

Once they were inside Sam joined Charlie on one of the benches while Dean walked into the confessional and knelt on the wooden step as he closed the door behind him.

 

“Okay, um...,” he cleared his throat: “I know, you'll always hear me, Cas. Since I've never prayed to anyone other than you it seems only fair that I would do the same with my confession. So, uh, I'm here to -- here to clean house. I need to get some things off my chest... For starters there are a few things I'm not proud of but you know all this because I think there's no one in this world who knows me like you do. Not even Sam. You saw what I did in Hell but you saved me anyway. You told me that good things do happen and I didn't believe you. The thing is – I do now...”  

Dean smiled as he thought about all the good things that happened to him in the last few weeks. He couldn't remember ever being this happy in his entire life.

The hunter folded his hands and looked at the old wood ceiling of the confessional: “I still don't think that I deserve to be saved and it always amazes me that _an angel_ is still trying everything to do exactly that. I did a lot of bad stuff – and I don't even mean all the women and the alcohol and shit like that – I mean that I keep letting people down that I care about. That I love.” He cleared his throat, before he continued quietly: “You know, the life I live, the work I do... I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I'd go out the same way that I lived -- pedal to the metal, and that would be it. But now? Now, um... since...'us', uh... I don't know. What if I said I... I didn't want to die...yet, you know, that I wasn't ready? I mean, you know, there's -- there's things, there's...you and my feelings that I-I-I want to experience. For the first time I feel that I could have this chance at happiness – at a different life than I had before. And I'm so sorry, Cas... for letting you down, because I know you feel the same, that you want the same. I'm just... I'm so sorry. I know that you're trying to save me... And I understand why you doing it and a very selfish part of me wants you to succeed, really – I do, but you know that it doesn't work that way.” Dean frantically wiped a tear from his face. “I just wish I could see you one more time before it all ends.” Dean exhaled a deep breath as he tried to collect himself and to calm himself down before he had to face the third and last trial.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Sam was standing outside at the Impala, searching for some additional weapons, but really just to get out of the church because this was all getting to be too much. It had started to drizzle and the wind was getting stronger, but Sam didn't care. He felt like this situation was suffocating him and the worst part was that he didn't know what to do.

 

He startled as he suddenly heard wings rustling behind him and turned around with a knife in his hand – instantly lowering it when he saw Cas. “Sam, I need your help.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“Naomi has taken Metatron. And we need to hurry if we want to save Dean.”

 

“Okay… I just have to tell Dean that we’re going. He’ll be alone with Crowley with only Charlie as backup.”

 

Cas nodded: “I wanted to see him anyway.”

 

They both walked into the church as Dean came out of the confessional. The older hunter looked up, a somber expression changed into one of surprise, and then into one of joy as he spotted Cas.

 

“Cas!” Dean ran the few feet to his angel and pulled him into his arms. “Thank you...,” he whispered in the angel's ear. Cas looked down: “I'm glad to see you Dean, but I'm not here to say goodbye.”

 

Dean released him from his hug and frowned: “Then why are you here?”

 

“I'm here because I need Sam's help. I'm not giving up on my plan to save you.”

 

Dean looked at his brother in confusion as Sam shrugged: “I'm sorry, Dean but I'm on Cas’s side on this.”

 

“What?” Dean asked him, disbelief in his tone.

 

Sam huffed in frustration: “Look, I get it, okay? Any time you weren’t around was when I started having a normal life and I kind of feel like you think that can only happen under those circumstances. But you're wrong. I can have an apple pie life whenever I want! And if I do, I want you to live to see it. I would rather live in a world with an occasional monster hunt than live in a world without you. So I’m not apologizing for wanting to save my brother.”

 

“I don't understand. I thought you were down with this,” Dean gestured at Crowley who was watching the scene with a lot of interest. Incidentally, he remembered that the King of Hell had probably also noticed Dean hugging his angel as if there was no tomorrow. Which technically was true for him.

 

Sam brought him back from that line of thought: “I want you to be honest for a second here, Dean. If our roles were reversed and I were to do the trials – would you let me die?”

 

The silent look his brother gave him was answer enough. “Yeah, I thought so,” Sam huffed. Charlie came up next to Sam and gave them all a knowing look. “You should go. I’ll stay with Dean.”

….:::: ::::....

Metatron was strapped to a chair in Naomi's office. With a quick glance to his right he noticed a table with torture instruments sitting delicately on top of it. He raised an eyebrow: “Your reputation precedes you. The Archangels --”

 

Naomi nodded as she interrupted him: “Wanted me to debrief you after God left.”

 

Metatron chuckled as he answered in a sarcastic tone: “ _'Debrief'_ me. Is that what you call it?”

 

Naomi walked around him with a cold smile: “Well, how would you know? You ran before I had the chance. But...here we are. I just have one question before we begin. You had to know that we would notice the missing angel tablet. So...Why? Why did you steal it and what are you doing with Castiel?”

 

The scribe paused and gave her a smug grin: "Of the blessings set before you, make your choice and be content."

 

Naomi looked confused and Metatron sighed: “Not a big reader, are we?”

 

Naomi gave him a cold look before picking up a drill from the table next to her.

….:::: ::::....

 

“Before you go...,” Dean pulled Cas out of the church by his sleeve, giving his brother and Charlie a look that clearly said 'don't-follow-us'. The thunderstorm was getting nearer and the rain and wind had picked up their pace since the last time Dean was at his car. The rain had them soaked in minutes as Cas pushed Dean roughly against the church wall.

 

“You heard me, right?” Dean asked before Cas lunged at him and kissed him deeply and desperately. Dean kissed him back just as frantically, burying his fingers in the angel's hair – wanting to never let go of him. “Cas...,” Dean groaned as the angel pulled the hunter's shirt up and let his hands slide under it, gripping him harder than usual. He pushed Dean against the wall again, the raindrops running over his face like he was crying. “I heard you... I always do...,” Cas whispered, his fingers trailed gently over Dean's heated skin to the hunter's hips – leaving goosebumps in their wake. He kissed Dean again, pulling him close. “I want to stay with you...,” Cas murmured against Dean's lips: “... but I can't... I have to go.”

 

Dean nodded, his sadness and desperation overshadowed by the graveness of the situation: “You have to do what you have to do... We both do. Like I said, I understand.”

 

That was the end. The last time they'd see each other before Dean’s death.

….:::: ::::....

Dean grimaced as he used a needle to draw blood from his arm. Crowley watched him with a smug grin: “You really think injecting me with human blood is gonna make me human? Did you read that on the back of a cereal box?”

 

Instead of answering, the hunter walked towards the King of Hell and injected him in the neck with his blood. Crowley groaned in pain before chuckling: “You're miles out of your league, squirrel. This won’t have any effect on me. But, first things first. I have to say I’m very shocked about finding out that you and your little pet angel have obviously hit the hay together.”

Dean raised an eyebrow and Crowley rolled his eyes: “Don't deny it. I can smell the stench of his angelicness all over you.” The hunter sighed audibly before setting his watch alarm for an hour and tried to ignore the demon.

 

“You know this actually explains why our favourite pretty angel is so easily manipulated. I remember how desperate he was as he watched you raking leaves, playing house. He needed you but you had your white picket fence complete with one and a half kid and a soccer mum. He would have done anything not to destroy your happiness. He was such an easy target,” Crowley grinned smugly as he noticed Dean’s tension – his words finally hitting something in the hunter.

 

“Of course you couldn’t stay away from the hunting, could you? Because that was never your thing – the apple pie life. Your moose of a brother – yes – but not yours. You like the violence, you like standing at the abyss of darkness, taunting it. It's in your blood, in your tainted, destructive soul – I bet you felt incredibly at home in Purgatory. It's pure – no lies – just kill or be killed. No consequences, no remorse, no responsibility – just pure, raw emotions.

 

The hunter fiddled with his bag and pretended not to listen to the King of Hell but Crowley knew better. He knew how to get to the core of people, using their weaknesses for his own benefits. That was practically his job description as a former crossroads demon.

 

“And when you came back from your delusional vacation in suburbia it was already too late for the angel to go back to you. Not that he didn’t try. It was pathetic, watching him pining after you. You really know how to corrupt them, squirrel. And by the time you’re done with them they’ve given you their life, given everything to your self-destructive course. You’d made a great demon. Everyone around you dies…”

 

Crowley watched the hunter closely as the man buried his fingernails into the skin of his arm. “Is that why you’re doing it? Killing yourself in this last selfless, heroic act, so the others don’t see how broken and destructive you really are?”

 

Dean stood up from the bench and walked over to Crowley, slowly. He raised his fist and punched him hard in his face. The hunter didn't anticipate that Crowley would use this opportunity to forcefully snap at his arm with his teeth, biting into his skin, leaving a bloody, angry red mark.

 

“The FUCK! Crowley!” Dean yelled, punching Crowley again square on his nose. The King of Hell groaned as blood trickled from his nose, looking up when a distraught red-head ran back into the church,  shouting at Dean if everything was okay. Dean waved at her: “I'm fine. The son of a bitch bit me.”

 

The hunter  gave the demon a disgusted look: “What the hell, Crowley? Biting?! Seriously?!”

The demon just gazed at him intently not saying anything.

 

Charlie looked at Dean's arm with a frown: “We should disinfect it. The medkit is still at the Impala.”

 

Dean nodded and followed her outside, holding his arm where it was bleeding. “So Sam and Cas are gone?”

 

Charlie gave him a sympathetic look: “I just said goodbye to them.” Charlie laid her hands on Dean's shoulder as they left the church.

 

The minute they closed the door behind them Crowley spat the blood into his hands and started chanting: “Inferni sectatores, nunc audite regem.” The blood in his hand started to bubble as he leaned over to whisper in his hand nervously while keeping an eye on the door: “For the love of everything, whoever is hearing this -- if anyone is hearing this -- this is your king. Send help immediately.”

….:::: ::::....

Sam sat at the bar, keeping an eye on the barman, Dwight, who was destined to be Cupid's new target. He turned around to see Cas coming in again, his trench coat waving dramatically as he slumped down onto the chair next to the young hunter.

 

Sam watched him expectantly: “Anything? You've been gone long enough.”

 

Cas shook his head: “No. There was one female, but...”

 

“What?”

 

“...I don't think she was female. Anything here?”

 

“Free drinks. Your, uh, buddy over there thinks you saved his life.”

 

Cas looked over at Dwight, who gave him a friendly wave. Cas lifted his hand to return the greeting, then turned to Sam with a frown. “Do you really think it's wise to be drinking on the job.”

 

Sam gave him an incredulous look, shook his head and grinned as he took a sip from his beer: “What's the plan, Cas – I mean, after we find Cupid? Metatron is still kidnapped and you will need him, right?”

 

“Yes,” Cas looked at his hands on the counter. “I'll go to Heaven and if Naomi doesn't cooperate I'll ask Gabriel for help. Although first I have to find him.”

 

Sam raised an eyebrow: “I thought he was up there ruling Heaven.”

 

Cas slightly moved his shoulders, making it look nearly like a shrug: “You know what he's like.”

Sam nodded thoughtfully: “Hmm...,” The hunter took a sip from his beer and watched Cas’s stoic expression. “Talk to me, Cas. How are you feeling?”

 

Cas looked down at the counter, biting his lip: “I'm fine.”

 

Sam gave him a bitch face, shaking his head: “I wish you hadn't learned that phrase from Dean.”

Cas sighed in frustration: “What do you want me to say, Sam? I don't know how I should feel. I just know that I can't let him die. I... I just can't.”

 

Sam laid one big hand on Cas's shoulder: “I know and I'm grateful that you’re trying everything. I will help you in every way I can.”

 

Cas nodded and went back to watching his hands intently. Sam watched him for a few seconds before he quietly continued: “It's unfair that he's in this situation. I've never seen him so happy before in his life and it's all because of you. Solely for that I'm grateful you're in his life.”

 

Cas gave him a brief smile that didn’t quite reach his sad eyes: “Thank you, Sam… I just wish he knew that he deserves this happiness in his life.”

 

Sam exhaled deeply and spun the glass around on the counter a few times. “Yeah, he’s like that. Always thinking of others first. He never really did things for himself. And he never let anybody really in, you know. I mean, I still don't know how you broke through that thick wall of his.“

 

“Pie,” Castiel deadpanned and Sam burst into laughter.

 

Cas grinned at Sam, proud of his joke before he looked back down at his hands – a solemn expression crept back on his face when the familiar feeling of desperation clawed painfully at his heart. He knew he was a poor example of an angel – he once had been so true to _the mission_ and expecting the same from others. Dean was like him in that way. And now – now he wished he could convince Dean to let this mission – closing the gates of Hell – go. It was selfish and he knew it. But he wasn't Castiel, Angel of the Lord anymore – he was just Cas. Full of mistakes and desperately in love with a human. And this human made him happy in ways he was just starting to comprehend.

 

But it also hurt... It wasn't a pain he could control like physical pain on his body. It was the worst thing he had ever felt in his entire existence.

 

But it was worth it and he finally reached an understanding about why humans had been writing about love for as long as they existed.

 

“You love him, don’t you?” Sam asked quietly after a while.

 

Cas nodded. _With every fiber of my existence._

 

The door opened and a friendly looking, blonde woman entered with a delivery of drinks. Sam straightened his back as they observed it happen.

 

Dwight gave the woman a warm smile: “Hey, there. Where's Ed?”

 

The woman smiled back: “Flu. I'm Gail.”

 

Dwight scribbled his signature on the delivery papers she handed him: “Well, okay, then.”

 

Sam nudged Cas and nodded in their direction: “Showtime.”

 

“Let me give you a hand,” Dwight offered as Gail tried to maneuver the barrow behind the counter.

 

“Oh, thanks. Ah. You're a real gentleman.” Gail smiled and looked at the other man who was sitting at the bar: “Hey,” she greeted him amiably.

 

Dwight nodded in the other man's direction as he introduced them both: “Gail, this is Rod. Rod rides a stool here most days.”

 

Rod tapped a finger against his baseball cap: “Ma'am.”

 

Gail smiled broadly at them both and placed a hand on each of the man's shoulders: “I'll be seeing you both.” She turned around and started to leave: “Thanks for the help.”

 

Dwight waved at her: “No problem.”

 

Sam gave Cas a confused look that resolved into understanding as Dwight and Rod started to gaze lovingly at each other and Dwight invited the other man for a drink on the house.

 

Cas nodded curtly as they followed Gail out of the door.

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean’s alarm went off and Charlie stare at him with wide eyes. Dean hadn’t been feeling well for the last 30 minutes. His arms were pulsing with an orange light and he was in a lot of pain. He tried to hide it from Charlie but she knew him better than he probably liked her to.

 

Crowley chuckled: “How we doing, Squirrel? Ain't it about time for the next love injection?”

 

Dean ignored the King of Hell as began to sing ‘Changes’ by David Bowie, and prepared the needle. “You okay, Dean?” Charlie asked with concern.

 

Dean looked at her: “I'm fine, Charlie. I know, I can finish this.”

 

Charlie stroked his hair and looked at him as if she was about to cry: “I'm so sorry, Dean. I wish there was anything I could do.”

 

Dean gave her a reassuring smile: “You're here. I'm glad I'm not alone at the end.”

 

Suddenly the church started to rumble and shake. Dean turned quickly to face Crowley who didn't seem to be alarmed by what happened. The floor boards began to crack until they reached the demon trap that Dean had sprayed around Crowley and effectively broke the circle with a loud bursting of brittle wood.

 

Crowley sneered at them: “Did you really think you could kidnap the King of Hell and no one was gonna notice, you dumb nuts?!”

 

The church doors burst open dramatically, leaves and rain blowing inside as Abaddon entered the moldered center nave. She strode over to them confidentially, with a dangerous smile on her bright red lips. “Hello, boys. Oh and girl…”

 

Crowley rolled his eyes: “That's my line. Abaddon? I thought you were gone – I don't know – on a vacation?”

 

She smiled: “Well, I'm back.”

 

“And the rest of the cavalry?” Crowley asked in confusion, which only made Abaddon's smile grow wider: “Oh, no, it's just little, old, unkillable me.”

 

Dean pulled Charlie behind him  to shield her as he reached for his gun but Abaddon just waved her hand and tossed Dean across the room until he crashed against a church wall. “Dean!” Charlie whimpered, wishing at the moment that she was Hermione so she could use magic to help him.

 

Abbadon smirked: “You're a cute, little thing. It's okay... shoo – go to your little hero over there and let the grown-ups talk in peace.” Charlie ran across the room to Dean who groaned in pain as he tried to stand up again.

 

Crowley laughed: “Brilliant. Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight? Say your prayers, squirrel.”

 

As Dean readied his gun to fire,  Abaddon used her powers a second time to throw him and Charlie out of the window. The Knight of Hell tilted her head: “Awww, a pity she got in the way.”

Crowley smiled: “That'll do. Undo these. I'll kill them myself.”

Abaddon stood in front of Crowley with a smirk on her face. “That was an order, was it?”

 

“I am your King.”

 

She tilted her head: “About that...” She punched Crowley in the face, hard enough to make him spit out blood.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Sam and Cas caught up with Gail as they walked outside of the bar. Gail stopped in her tracks and watched Cas with a tense expression: “Hello, brother.”

 

Out of nowhere Cas suddenly had his angel blade in his hand as he dangerously approached the Cupid who took a few steps back.

 

“Give us your bow,” Cas ordered her, accepting no disobedience.

 

Gail's eyes went wide in surprise: “What?”

 

Sam stepped in between the two angels: “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey.” He looked at Cas with a pleading expression. “Talk first, stab later.”

….:::: ::::....

“Do you know what I find the most shocking about time-traveling through a closet and landing in the year 2013?”

 

“That you're not in Narnia?” Crowley spat out, which earned him a couple of punches to his face, the last one so hard that his chair fell over and he landed on his face.

 

Abaddon walked around the chair as she continued: “Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell.”

 

The King of Hell shuffled to his knees and shot her a tense glare: “You know what that boy's trying to do, right? He's trying to shut the Gates of Hell.”

 

Abaddon shrugged: “Right now you and I are gonna talk about regime change.”

 

The former crossroads demon growled: “You little whore. I am your k—“

Abaddon kicked Crowley in the face so hard that it knocked him out. As she turned around she noticed Dean standing behind her, tossing oil from a jar onto all of her clothes. Before she could react the girl next to Dean threw a lit match on her and her vessel was in flames in seconds. She screamed as the flames consumed the body and quickly smoked out of the vessel and through the broken window to escape.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Metatron was strapped to a chair in Naomi's office and blood was coming out of his left eye. A smug grin played around the corner of his lips: “You've been digging.”

 

Naomi shook her head, unbelieving of the truth she had discovered: “Why are you doing this --this?”

 

Metatron just shrugged slightly: “Do you have any idea what it would be like to be plucked from obscurity, to sit at God's feet, to be asked to write down his word? The ache I felt when he was gone, telling myself, 'Father's left, but look what he's left us -- paradise.' But you and your Archangels couldn't leave well enough alone. You ran me from my home. Did you really think you could do all of that to me and there'd be no payback?”

 

Shocked, Naomi disappeared with a rustle of wings, never seeing Metatron’s smile as he looked at the bloody drill on the table next to him.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean placed Crowley back into an upright position in his chair as the demon nodded tensely: “You did good back there, squirrel. I'll deny it if you ever quote me, but I'm a proud man. I'm proud of you.”

 

Dean picked up the spray can and fixed the demon trap without looking up at the King of Hell. Charlie was still shaking and Dean looked over at her with worried glances. That shouldn't have happened. This was too dangerous for her but at least he had the certainty that this would be all over very soon.

 

He walked over to Crowley after readying the next dose and stuck the needle into the side of Crowley's neck, ignoring the demon yelling in pain. Crowley sniffled: “You can't do this to me. Why are you doing this to me? I thought we had a special relationship. Like 'Band of Brothers'? 'The Pacific'? None of this means anything to you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once? 'Girls'? You're my Marnie, squirrel. A-and Hannah -- she just --she needs to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all -- you, me -- we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be loved.”

 

Dean and Charlie exchanged a confused look as Charlie shrugged: “It's starting to work, I guess?”

 

“Yeah, creepy...”

 

Crowley stared at Dean, confused about the things he had just said, when the hunter suddenly slumped onto the bench, rubbing his arm. He winced in pain as he took more blood from it, the different puncture marks already forming red and blue spots on his skin.

 

Crowley watched him with an uncertain look: “Would it be possible... I'd like... to ask you a-a favor, Dean. Earlier, when you were confessing back there... what did you say? I only ask because, given my history... it raises the question... Where do I start... to even look for forgiveness? I mean...”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow: “How about we start with this?” The hunter held the needle out to show Crowley what he meant and the demon surprisingly tilted his head to the side – submitting to taking the injection voluntarily. This time the King of Hell didn't show any pain but seemed rather content with the treatment.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Okay you have the bow now. So what's your plan?” Sam asked as he and Cas walked through the parking lot. Cas didn't get to answer Sam's question because they were interrupted by the sound of angel wings behind them. Cas had his blade in his hand as soon as he recognized the angel.

 

“I'm not here to fight you, Castiel,” Naomi told him in a calm voice. “Not anymore.”

 

“Where is Metatron?” Castiel's voice was cold and demanding, sounding a lot like the Castiel from the old days.

 

“He told you that you can save Dean Winchester, didn't he? Heart of a Nephilim, Cupid's bow, your grace -- it's a lie, all of it.”

 

“Why should I believe you? You tortured me. You told me I was like Lucifer and that my emotions would destroy Heaven”

 

“And I will be right if you don't stop what you are doing, Castiel!” Naomi shouted desperately. “Metatron isn't trying to help you. He's trying to destroy Heaven – as an act of revenge for driving him away.”

 

“How?” Sam asked, confused with this new information. Cas turned to look at Sam: “Sam, don't believe her.“

 

“He is going to expel all Angels from Heaven, just as God cast out Lucifer,” Naomi answered with distress as Cas shook his head – not wanting to hear what the angel had to say.

 

“Cast you out? To where? Hell?” Sam interrupted again, laying a hand on Cas's shoulder.

Naomi shook her head: “No... Here. Thousands of us, walking the Earth.”

 

“Lies!” Cas shouted as he began to charge at the angel with his angel blade. Sam grabbed his arm to hold him back. “Wait!”

 

Naomi looked at Sam pleadingly: “Our mission was to protect what God created. I don't know when we forgot that. I may not understand why God made Dean and Castiel soul mates, but I'm telling you I'm on your side and I want to help you. Metatron is using Castiel's pain to his advantage. He's using him to perform a spell to cast out every angel in Heaven. You have to believe me! I also know that Dean will die when he completes this trial. It was always God's intention -- the ultimate sacrifice. There is nothing – no spell that could prevent that. Please Castiel... I beg of you, stop this path. Metatron has been neutralized.”

Naomi disappeared in a rustle of wings as Cas broke away from Sam's hold. He looked at Sam sternly: “She's lying. I'm going to Metatron!” He disappeared in a heartbeat and left a shocked Sam alone in the parking lot. “Cas?? CAS!! CAS!!!”

Sam looked around, but Cas didn't come back. “Fuck!” He didn't know what to do. What if Naomi was right? He didn't have much time left He had to stop Dean on his own. But he was a few states away without a car. He needed help. Sam looked to the sky and folded his hands: “Sariel, if you can hear me – I need your help. Please... please hear me...”

A rustle of wings announced the arrival of another angel behind him. Sariel looked at him in concern. “Hello Sam.”

"Oh, thank God!" Sam exclaimed as he walked towards the angel. "Sariel, can you please take me to my brother? He's the only one who can maybe prevent Castiel from making a huge mistake."

 

….:::: ::::....

 

When Cas arrived in Naomi's office he found her dead, face down with a drill shoved into the back of her head. He was still trying to understand the situation when Metatron appeared behind him, holding an angel blade to his throat. “She told you I lied, didn't she? You should've listened to the bitch.”

 

Metatron strapped Castiel to the chair using his powers to hold Castiel still in the process. Usually it would have been easy for Cas to fight an angel like Metatron but something about him was different. He was way too powerful for a normal angel.

 

“I don't understand. Why are you doing this to me?”

 

Metatron gave him a false smile: “Shh! Castiel, this isn't personal. I kind of really like you in fact.”

 

The Scribe slammed Castiel's head back on the headrest of the chair as he took his angel blade and held it to Castiel's throat. He slowly cut into him – still holding him in place with his other hand while Cas squirmed, trying to free himself – until Cas's grace seeped through the wound.

 

“This is a spell, Castiel. And what I'm taking from you now -- your essence, your Grace -- is the last piece.” He held a small vial to Cas's throat as he collected the angel's grace in it before placing a hand over the cut to heal it. “And now something wonderful is going to happen, for me and for you. I want you to live this new life to the fullest. Find your hunter and keep him from completing the trials. This is the only way for him to have a chance of surviving. And when you die and your soul comes to Heaven, find me. Tell me your story.” Metatron smiled at Cas's shocked expression. “Now go.”

 

A bright light surrounded the room and Cas collapsed somewhere in a forest.

….:::: ::::....

 

Sam rushed into the church with Sariel at his side in time to see Dean chanting the Latin exorcism – the words meant to purify the demon. Dean already had his knife ready to slice into his hand to complete the ritual.

 

“Dean, STOP!!” Sam shouted as he rushed to his brother holding his hands up to get him to stop. “Easy there. Okay. Just take it easy. We got a slight change of plan.”

 

Dean spotted Sariel behind his brother and looked around in confusion: “What? What's going on? Where's Cas?!”

 

“Metatron lied and Cas is in danger. If you finish this trial, there is nothing we can do, Dean. There is no spell to bring you back or to save you.”

 

Dean held his hands up in frustration: “Sam, we all knew I was going to die. There's always a price to pay and I made my peace with that. Closing the gates of Hell is more important than my life. I mean, Look at him. Look at him!” Dean gestured at Crowley “Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don't finish this!”

Sam shook his head and grabbed Dean's shoulder: “Think about it. Think about what we know, okay? Pulling souls from Hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can't do it without you. And Cas can't do it without you. When Metatron gets him he'll lose everything. And you will too.”

 

Dean shook Sam's hands off of his shoulders and forcefully kicked a chair, sending it crashing it against a wall. “Fuck, fuck...” Dean took a deep breath and stepped in front of Sam: “Fuck. Where is he?”

Sam shook his head: “Looking for Metatron.”

 

Dean tried to concentrate his thoughts on Cas. He could feel distress and fear from him that was nearly overwhelming.

 

_Cas... Please... Whatever you're doing. Stop it. Please come to me._

 

_Dean... I'm sorry…_

 

Dean nearly collapsed as his connection to Cas was suddenly gone. He felt a cold rush of emptiness running through his body and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. His heart tightened painfully, his fists pressing into his chest as he felt his heart stop beating.

_Cas..._

Dean suddenly felt sick and he ran out of the church only to empty his stomach in a corner of the abandoned building. His breathing came in quick huffs as he leaned his head against the cool stone wall to keep himself from collapsing on the ground.

_This was not happening..._

Someone was grabbing his shoulders, but it took him a minute to realize it. The shock was so profound that it paralyzed everything in him.

“Dean, Dean?!” Different, concerned voices sounded muffled in his ears as the world spun around him and he was suddenly surrounded by darkness.

Sam gathered his unconscious brother from the ground, desperately looking for Sariel so she could help him. The angel knelt beside him and laid her hands on Dean's chest. Her fingers began to glow and Dean slowly opened his eyes. Charlie made a relieved noise as she knelt back on the wet grass next to them.

 

“I'm so sorry, Dean...” Sariel said quietly.

 

Dean gasped, a tear running from his eye. “Cas... Is he...,” he choked on his own words.

 

"I can't say," Sariel gave a slight shake of her head as she watched Sam slowly understand why Dean collapsed. “Cas told you that he would sacrifice his grace and that this would destroy your connection right? So maybe he's okay and just human.”

Dean covered his mouth with his hand and closed his eyes. He tried to calm down as he felt more tears running over his face. He felt like he couldn't breath anymore, everything hurt and he couldn't move. He began to shake and felt Charlie's hands rubbing soothingly over his shoulder.

 

Loud thunder startled them as the dark, rainy clouds started to glow and fiery balls fell from the sky. They heard Sariel gasp as she stared upwards in shock.

 

“Oh my God...,” Charlie whispered.

 

Dean shook his head: “No..... Cas....”

 

Sam slowly stood up, his hands finding Sariel's shoulder: “What's happening?”

 

She looked at Sam, eyes wide with disbelief. “Angels. They're falling.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise a happy end.


	14. Not letting go of you

**Chapter 14: Not letting go of you**

 

_But the second that I see you_

_You will know how much I need you_

_'Cause I never be lettin' you go_

_'Cause every moment I'm with you_

_It's like I'm holding onto Heaven_

 

_Nickelback – Holding on to Heaven_

 

Cas still heard the angels screaming in his head ever since they had started falling to earth. He sat leaning against a tree, paralyzed with an empty feeling inside of him – the sudden separation from Dean had shocked him even more than losing his grace.

 

He felt numb and dizzy. His vision started to get blurry and he realized that he had tears in his eyes. He destroyed Heaven and he didn't even know if Dean was still alive. If he were to die now... they would be separated... forever.

 

A whimper escaped his lips before he could stop it. He pulled his cell phone from his coat and tried to call Dean but his phone didn't have reception. He shook his head to clear his mind, trying to come up with a solution.

 

“Gabriel! Can you hear me?” he shouted desperately into the night sky. It was unlikely that his brother would come but he had to try.

 

He heard the rustle of wings as Gabriel suddenly appeared in front of him with a shocked look on his face.

 

“What happened? The angels...” Gabriel looked at the sky, watching how the angels were still falling to earth in red, bright lights like a meteor shower.

 

“The angels are falling, Gabriel. It's all my fault. I destroyed Heaven. Naomi was right...”

 

Gabriel knelt beside Cas and laid his hand on his knee: “Tell me what happened.”

 

“Metatron told me how to save Dean's life but he lied to me. It was a spell to cast all angels out of Heaven. And now Dean will die anyway and I just can't... I can't help him... I need to go to him but I... I'm not an angel anymore. I can't fly...”

 

Gabriel stared at him with wide eyes: “What happened to your grace?”

 

“Metatron took it for the spell.” Cas's voice was quiet. He couldn't even look at Gabriel anymore. He couldn't expect his brother to help the angel who was responsible for destroying Heaven.

 

“Where is Dean?” Gabriel asked in a serious tone that usually didn't belong into Gabriel's repertoire.

 

“He's at an abandoned church near Sioux Falls...” Cas looked up at his brother in surprise. He didn't dare to hope Gabriel was actually taking him to Dean.

 

Without a word Gabriel touched Cas on the shoulder and brought them both outside the church where Cas had seen the Winchesters last. He instantly spotted Dean – sitting on the ground with his arms hugging his knees close to his body, surrounded by Sam, Charlie and – to Cas's delight even Sariel, who seemed to be okay.

 

“Gabriel, Castiel!” Sariel had noticed them first and took the first few steps towards them. Cas ignored her though and ran straight to Dean who slowly stood up from the ground with the help of his friends. He looked at Cas in shock before pulling him in his arms – as close to his body as he could manage.

 

“I'm so sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry... Please don't... I..,” Cas's voice sounded muffled from where his face was buried into Dean's shoulder. “Cas... I know you think that I'm pissed at you but I don't care what happened. I'm just glad you're alive.”

 

Gabriel joined Sam and Charlie who where watching Dean and Castiel’s reunion with a relieved expression. Sariel was the first to break the silence as she turned to Gabriel with a questioning look on her face: “Where have you been?”

 

Gabriel shrugged: “I was hiding in a parallel universe from party poopers like Naomi.”

 

Cas pulled away from Dean and turned around to face Gabriel: “She is dead now. Metatron killed her... She tried to warn me and I didn't listen... She was right about everything. My emotions... did destroy Heaven.”

 

Dean laid his hands on the angel's cheek to get him to look at him. “Hey, this isn't your fault. This isn't happening because you have emotions. It's because Metatron is a massive dick.”

 

Gabriel sighed heavily: “Dean is right, Castiel. Anyone could have been used for this. If he hadn't tricked you I'm sure he would have found another way. I don't blame you and neither should you. I should have been there. I'm sorry I left you alone again.”

 

Sariel laid her hand on Gabriel's shoulder and gave him a warm smile. “We will fix this brother. We are both unharmed by the spell and I know there are other angels who were on earth during the fall who must be unharmed too. We will bring Metatron down.”

 

Gabriel nodded: “I also strongly suggest that you stop whatever you're doing that is killing you right now, Dean. As long as Heaven is locked your soul will go nowhere when you die. You’ll get stuck in the veil and believe me, that isn't something you want.”

 

Cas gave Dean a pained look: “I'm so sorry, Dean. Please don't finish the trials. I know you don't care what happens to you but I beg you. Please don't do it.”

 

Sam put his hand on his brother’s shoulders: “Gabriel is right, Dean. We know now how to close the Gate. There is no point in doing it now as long as Heaven is locked. Just let it go. Just stop it, okay?”

 

A thousands different emotions and thoughts were battling inside of Dean as his gaze wandered from his brother back to Cas. Dean hadn't thought about the trials since he had lost the connection to his angel. He had been caught up in the desperate feeling that he would never see him again and that thought had been so unbearable for him that he just couldn't bring himself to finish the trials now that he had him back. He knew it was unfair to all the people who were believing in and counting on him, but he couldn't help being selfish for once in his life. He knew now he couldn't live without Cas. He needed him and maybe they could find another way.Sam was right, closing the Gates of Hell was still a priority, but he could finish it anytime he wanted. Making sure Heaven was open for business seemed more important right now.

 

Dean pulled Cas close to him again: “Cas, we had a deal, right? When I die we'll still be together. But obviously the circumstances have changed. So we have to fix that, okay?”

 

“My grace is gone... I don't know if I can ever restore our bond, “ Cas said quietly.

 

“Cas, listen! The bond thing was nice and all but we don't need it to spend the rest of our lives together and I don't care if you're an angel or a human or a freaking unicorn... Well...,“ Dean shrugged: “You know what I mean. This... Us... makes me happy. And it's more than I ever thought I would get in my life. I'm grateful. You being here is all I need, you understand? I’m not gonna leave you.”

 

Cas didn't know what to say. He just couldn't fathom how Dean always seemed to forgive him for all his mistakes. Dean grinned at the angel: “I know what you're thinking – hey, even without our bond – because I know you, Cas. We'll fix this, okay? But the most important thing is – we stay together.”

 

“I think we should head back to the bunker, regroup...” Sam started to say as Dean suddenly groaned in pain and his arm started to glow again. Cas held him close so he wouldn't fall down: “Dean!”

 

The last thing Dean saw was Cas's eyes widen in concern before everything turned black.

 

….:::: ::::....

 

Dean felt like he had been run over by a truck – twice, at least. He groaned as he slowly opened his eyes; the light felt like someone was stabbing him right in the brain, so he closed them again. “The fuck…,” he murmured, rubbing his hands over his face to clear his head, trying to remember what happened.

 

“Dean…”

 

The hunter stopped his movement. Cas was sitting next to him but why couldn’t he feel him anymore… _oh right..._

 

Dean slowly dragged his hands from his face to look at Cas. He looked horrible. His hair was askew, even more so than usual, he had bags under his eyes and his expression couldn’t have said “I’m-the-worst-kind-of-fuck-up-in-the-world” more if he had it it tattooed on his forehead.

 

"You look like I feel right now. What happened?" Dean asked quietly as he lifted his hand to lay it on Cas folded ones in his lap. The hunter needed the contact, the separation still felt odd and uncomfortable. Cas turned his hands and entangled their fingers – apparently feeling the same need before he looked at him with a desperate expression. “You’re still dying, Dean.”

 

“What, why?”

 

Cas shook his head: “The trials already destroyed so much of…” He inhaled deeply but couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. Dean nodded sharply: “If I die anyway I can at least finish the trials. Please tell me you brought Crowley with us.”

 

“We did – but Dean there is another way to save you, but you won’t like it.” Dean felt Castiel’s hands squeezing his fingers. The hunter rolled his eyes. He had about enough about bad ideas that were going to save his life but nevertheless he would listen to him because that was what Cas needed at this point. “Okay, shoot.”

 

“An angel could heal you by possessing your body….”

 

Dean looked at Cas as if he was asking him if he had lost his mind. “No. Fucking. Way!”

 

“Dean…” Cas gave him an exasperated look: “It wouldn’t be any angel. Sariel could do it.”

 

“CAS! The only angel I trust enough for something like that is you. And you’re not an angel anymore. Nothing against Sariel, she seems like an okay angel but I don’t really know her too well. And trusting angels you don’t know is what got you into your current state for fuck’s sake!”

 

Before Cas could answer the door to Dean’s room opened and Sam walked in. “Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

 

“Like Death warmed over. Let me guess, you know about Cas’s new plan to save me?”

 

Sam walked over to Dean’s bed as his older brother slowly sat up to rest his upper body against the headrest. “It wasn’t Cas's plan but yeah. Sariel tried to heal you when you lost your consciousness but she couldn’t. Not even Gabriel could do anything. She said if she could possess you she could use her grace to heal you. But that it would take time.”

 

“Well. I’m not doing it,” Dean huffed.

 

Sam threw his hands up in frustration: “Why, Dean? What’s the worst thing that could happen, huh? That she runs away with your body?”

 

“For example, yeah!”

 

“Look, Dean,“ Sam sighed and shook his head: “Do you trust me?”

 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I do.”

 

“Then please trust me on this when I tell you to let Sariel do this. She’s on our side and she helped me when I needed her.”

 

Dean looked from Sam to Cas and saw his pleading gaze – like a puppy dog – he obviously had learned that from his brother. Dean sighed in defeat. He had promised Cas that he wouldn’t leave him. He guessed he didn’t have a choice in that matter if he wanted to keep Cas at his side.

 

“I wanna speak with her.”

 

Sam nodded and left the room. Dean waited till his brother had closed the door behind him before he looked at Cas. “How are you feeling, Cas?”

 

“Like I failed you and Heaven again. Seems to be a recurring theme in my life.” Cas’s voice dripped with cynicism and yeah –  Dean got why he felt that way. He knew that particular feeling all too well. He tapped Cas’s arm to get him to look at him. “Hey, you didn’t fail me. You tried to save me and it could have worked, you know. Metatron is the asshole here. Nobody is blaming you, Cas. Not your angel buddies and especially not me. So please stop blaming yourself, okay?”

 

“I don’t know how…,” Cas whispered and it nearly broke Dean’s heart to see his angel so broken – so human. Well he essentially was human – now that his grace was gone. Dean felt a huge desire to pluck every individual feather from that bastard Metatron when he got to him. And he would get to him, he’d make sure of that. He pulled Cas down to his chest and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his messy hair. “We’ll get through this, Cas. We always do. Just one step at a time.”

 

Cas pulled away from him when they heard a knock on the door. “Come in!” Dean answered in a rough voice.

 

Sariel smiled at them as she entered Dean’s room, closely followed by Sam and Gabriel.

“Hello Dean, how are you?”

 

“Heard I’m dying,” Dean replied tersely.

 

Sariel gave him a concerned look: “I’m afraid that is true. The trials destroyed your body on a subatomic level. The damage is very severe. I understand your brother and Castiel informed you about what I could do to help?”

 

“Yep and I’ve got my problems with that. It’s nothing personal, ya know? Just that I’m not comfortable being an angel condom.”

 

Sariel gave Castiel a confused look and Dean rolled his eyes. _Of course, she wasn’t getting it._

 

“Look Sariel, just tell me what you have to do and how long it’s gonna take.”

 

She nodded: “I would need your permission to enter your body. I’m not going to assume control over your consciousness – you have my word on that. I will be healing you with my grace from within another plane so I can get to the damage that you have suffered. It could take a few days – maybe a week. I’m not sure. I apologize for not being able to answer this question more specifically.”

 

Gabriel moved next to Sariel and looked over at Dean. “I know we haven’t always been on best terms but you can trust Sariel. She was always a huge fan of humanity and would never do anything to harm someone.”

 

Dean felt four pairs of eyes looking at him expectantly before he finally lifted his hands in a defeated gesture. He just hoped he wouldn’t regret this: “Okay I’ll do it. You have my permission.”

 

“Good choice, Dean-o! You’ll see, you can go back to playing with your sex toy angel in no time.”

 

Sam coughed violently at Gabriel’s remark while Cas glared at the archangel with an irritated look.

 

"Gabriel, would you take care of this body one more time as long as I'm healing Dean?" Sariel asked, her voice full of concern.

 

"Sure no problemo, sis!" Gabriel grinned and gave her a thumbs up gesture as Dean cleared his throat: "If it's okay with you I'd like a moment alone with Cas before we do this."

 

"Of course, take your time and let me know when you're ready." Sariel shooed Gabriel out of the room as if she knew that he was preparing another inappropriate joke towards Dean and Cas – a gesture Sam was grateful for as well. Sam gave his brother a warm smile and a nod before he also left the room to join Charlie and the two angels in the library.

 

Dean felt tired and horrible – he was glad that everyone was gone except Cas. He needed this time with him alone. Who knew when they would have the next chance, especially now that an angel was going to be riding shotgun in his body. He definitely had to control himself with Cas as long as Sariel was healing him. So Dean was eager to carpe the fuck out of diem at the moment, regardless of how bad he was feeling.

 

Cas didn't expect Dean to pull him down forcefully onto his body as soon as Sam had closed the door. The hunter ran his tongue over Cas’s upper lip, coaxing him to open his mouth and let him in – replacing the feeling of unfamiliar emptiness with a closeness that only sexuell intimacy could provide. Cas gasped and tried to pull back but Dean buried his fingers into his hair, trying to hold him in place. "Dean...," Cas murmured against the hunter's lips in between quick kisses and tentative licks onto Dean's mouth. "I don’t know if we should be doing this right now…”

 

"I think we really should though. Who knows when we'll be alone like this again?" Dean breathed back against Cas's throat as he peppered his warm skin with kisses and started to unbutton the other man's shirt.

 

"But do you feel...well enough for this?... You lost your consciousness... a-and slept for over... 24 hours...Dean!!!" The hunter gave Cas a cheeky grin, enjoying the fact that he could distract Cas with a few well placed licks over his nipples. "I could just be imagining it but... are you more sensitive at the moment, Cas?"

 

Cas nodded and groaned as Dean softly bit his nipples. "It's different for me now that I'm practically human..."

 

Dean stopped his teasing for a moment to look up at his angel – in his head Cas would always be one, no matter if he technically wasn't an angel anymore. "Different how?"

 

Cas started to slowly unbutton Dean's shirt as he tilted his head thoughtfully. "More intense, more real. It's hard to describe. My grace used to buffer sensuous expressions like this. That’s why I don’t feel pain, for example, when I choose to...” He pushed Dean’s shirt from his shoulders, stroking tenderly over his shoulders.

 

“Okay… so you didn’t feel it when we had sex before, or what?” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow. Cas shook his head: “No, I felt it. It was very intense and new for me as an angel but it seems so much more intense when I’m without my grace… It’s an overwhelming feeling.”

 

“Oh…,” Dean grinned. “Well in that case I’m going to rock your world right now.” Dean undid the button and fly on Cas's suit pants, pushing those and his boxers down swiftly, roughly, before he did the same to his own. He couldn’t wait a second longer to feel Cas’s naked, warm skin on his body. Their kisses became more heated as Dean felt Cas’s fingers digging hard into his hips – he was sure he was leaving marks on his skin – marks like the one on his shoulder that said he and Cas belonged to each other and that this was a bond that no one could ever break.

 

Cas moved from roughly licking deep into the hunter’s mouth to sucking his way down his throat as he rubbed his erection against Dean’s, moaning with every pulse of pleasure the friction sent through his body. Dean desperately wanted to be inside of Cas but he knew his body wasn’t strong enough to fuck his angel… but maybe Cas could do it. They had done that before, although Dean suspected that this time it would be different – now that Cas wasn’t an angel anymore.

 

Not that a bit more pain would make any difference in his current situation and he knew that this would probably only feel a little painful at the beginning... It didn’t matter. He needed to feel connected to Cas again and this was the only way he would.

 

“Cas…,” Dean moaned as his angel licked his nipples, repeating the things Dean had done to him before. “Cas, I want you to fuck me, okay? There’s lube in my top drawer.”

 

Cas looked up at him, his mouth open and his pupils large with lust: “Are you sure?”

 

“I need you inside of me, Cas. Okay?” Dean asked breathlessly before he kissed him, deeply and passionately, burying his fingers in Cas’s hair and pulling him as close as possible. Cas nodded against his lips, murmuring his consent as he blindly reached for the drawer on Dean’s night table. He grunted as he had to pull away from Dean to retrieve the lube, instantly diving back to kiss him when he had finally found it. Dean heard him opening the bottle and hissed a few moments later when he felt Cas rubbing the cold liquid gently over his entrance. It warmed up pretty quickly and Dean tried to relax as Cas slowly pushed one slick finger into him. Cas supported his own weight on his elbows as he rose up to look at Dean, checking to make sure that he wasn’t hurting the hunter. He rubbed his thumb over Dean’s lips with his free hand and smiled when Dean licked and kissed it. Dean sucked in his breath as Cas finger pushed deeper inside of him, searching for the right spot and being rewarded with a deep moan from the hunter when he found it. “Okay?” Cas asked quietly and Dean nodded: “Yeah that feels really good, Cas.”

 

The angel kissed him again before he slowly worked him open with another finger. Dean felt himself getting impatient with want and lust. He needed to feel Cas inside of him. He moaned breathlessly, pushing his head into the pillow while Cas teased this fucking sweet spot inside of him relentlessly, driving the hunter crazy with need. Dean’s right hand, which had been busy gripping Cas’s hips, wandered between their bodies as he gripped both their dicks together and started to stroke them. Cas groaned deeply before he licked Dean’s lips, his breath hot on the hunter’s open mouth: “Dean… ugh… if you keep doing this I won’t last very long.”

 

“Then fuck me, now,” Dean replied with a cheeky grin before kissing Cas, dirty and deep.

 

Cas didn’t need to be told twice. He lined himself up and guided himself slowly into the hunter, enjoying how Dean arched his back from the bed and moaned with pleasure. He started with a slow pace so Dean could adjust to the feeling of Cas inside of him but apparently Dean didn’t need much adjusting. “Come on, Cas…” The hunter gripped Cas’s hips and pulled at him, shoving him deeper as he wrapped his legs around him to gain more leverage. Cas bit his lips hard so that he wouldn’t come just from that. This felt so much different from than before, so intense... They had lost their bond and the way to feel each others emotions and feelings... but at this moment it was like it never had been severed. Dean was so open with him, he could read every emotion in his eyes, could hear every ounce of pleasure through his moans – Dean was right. They had never needed this bond for they already had one – and nobody could take that away from them.  

 

Cas bent over to kiss Dean again, swiping his tongue over the hunter’s lips before whispering the words he felt so clearly at this moment against Dean’s mouth: “I love you, Dean Winchester.”

 

Dean smiled and kissed him back – putting everything he felt into this one kiss. Cas didn’t need to read Dean’s thoughts to know what Dean was telling him. He just knew.

 

Cas’s hand wandered down between them as he gripped Dean's erection, stroking him with the same rhythm as he was thrusting into him, moaning deeply when he felt Dean clenching around him as he came into Cas’s hands, pushing the angel over the edge with him. Cas felt himself releasing deep inside the hunter, leaving a part of himself inside his body before collapsing on Dean, feeling so exhausted that he would have preferred to never move again in his life.The only thing that motivated him to roll away from Dean was that he didn't want to crush him under his weight when he was still recovering from the effects of the trials.

 

Cas was breathing hard as he lay next to Dean, trying to calm down. “Dean… that was…”

 

“I know,” Dean gave him a broad smile as he stroked tenderly over Cas’s cheek and his scratchy stubble. The hunter loved the dreamy look his angel was giving him before Cas’s expression suddenly got serious. “What is it, Cas?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes thoughtfully before answering quietly: “Is it bad that I’m happy that my grace is gone?”

 

Dean gave him a knowing smile: “No it’s not. But you know being human isn’t always a walk in the park… you have to eat, to sleep, you can get ill… and you will get old.”

 

Cas grinned as he turned his head slightly into Dean’s hand to kiss his palm : “As long as you will get old with me… I’m fine with that.”

 

Dean snorted: “I’m not getting old. I’ll always be young and sexy. It’s a gift.”

 

Cas smiled: “Right... Then I’ll just stay young with you, too.”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

“Can I ask you something, Sariel?” Sam asked when they sat down at the library table, joining Charlie and Kevin who were looking for some books about the spell Metatron might have used to shut down Heaven. The bunker had gone on complete alarm since the angels started falling and since then Kevin was eager to find out what had happened.

 

“Of course, Sam.”

 

“You asked Gabriel to look after your body. Does that mean the human you possess at the moment is gone?”

 

Sariel folded her hands on the wooden table and looked up at Sam with a warm smile: “Elizabeth McKay. She lived in the early 16th century and was married to a brilliant young scientist who was having trouble with the church because of his practices. I was stationed on earth – only to observe, but I found myself intrigued with them. The longer I watched the more attached I became to these two humans until one day I disobeyed orders. We’re not meant to intervene without direct orders from Heaven but I just… couldn’t stand by and let the church destroy their lives in the name of my father. So I possessed Elizabeth to save her husband from dying at the stake… And I never left. I fell in love with him and I wanted to stay on earth. I never experienced anything like that before and I couldn't let it go. I was hunted down by an angel squad and dragged back to Heaven. When Elizabeth and her husband died a few years later by the hand of the inquisition I visited their souls in Heaven. I wanted to apologize to Elizabeth for taking her time away from her husband but do you know what she said to me?

 

Sam shook his head, exchanging a short glance with Charlie and Kevin who were listening to Sariel’s story with wide eyes. Sariel smiled: “She thanked me for saving her husband. She told me I should keep her body so that I would never have to feel sorry about possessing anyone anymore again and I could always remember what loving and being loved felt like. Gabriel was so kind in helping me keep this vessel. I think he could relate to my feelings.”

 

Gabriel had been leaning against a wall while Sariel told her story and shrugged at Sariel’s last comment: “I always had a weak spot for those special angels who understood the concept of love.”

 

Sariel tilted her head and looked at him: “I will be always grateful to you.”

 

Sam grinned at Gabriel who seemed to be embarrassed with Sariel’s response. He mostly knew Gabriel as a trickster with a dangerous sense of humor. He was surprised to see that the archangel also had a few other sides – sides that he tried his best to hide. Sam was glad they had Gabriel on their side. He hoped that it stayed that way. They would probably need him a lot in the near future. Not only because they somehow needed to re-open Heaven but also to defeat Abaddon, the Knight of Hell who seemed to be more determined than ever to take over the throne of Hell. Charlie had told him that she had tried to kill Crowley when Dean was performing the cleansing ritual on him… Crowley was another issue they had to deal with at some point. They had locked him in the dungeon, to Kevin’s great dismay, until they could reach a solution on how to deal with him. He was nearly cured and not behaving like a demon anymore… And they couldn’t really kill him if he was a human again.

 

Sam stared at Gabriel thoughtfully as he fiddled with a colorful lollipop wrapper. “Gabriel, we have another big problem.... There is a Knight of Hell on the loose and she is becoming more dangerous now that we’ve snatched Crowley from Hell. I read somewhere that an archangel could kill a Knight of Hell…?”

 

Gabriel raised an eyebrow: “I thought those clowns all got slain by Cain. He created them back in the day… Hmm. Yeah… Daddy's home now to deal with crappy demons like that – so don’t you worry your pretty.... hairy head. I’ll take care of her.” He pushed himself from the wall he was leaning against and walked over to Sariel. “As soon as you possess Dean-o I’ll put your vessel into a pocket universe for safety. I’ll be off after that, looking for our brothers and sisters who survived the fall and rally them to take back Heaven – and to find Metatron. You call me when you’re finished here and I’ll come back for you. I'll need your help with everything, sister.”

 

Sariel nodded and looked up at Sam with a questioning look: “When do you think Dean and Cas will be finished talking?”

Gabriel laughed and Sam cleared his throat as he tried to hide his grin. “Oh sister, how can you still be so innocent after all you’ve been through?”

 

Sariel titled her head as she gazed at the archangel with a raised eyebrow before understanding finally dawned on her face: “Oh…”

 

“Yeah, I vote for doing something fun as well while we wait.” Gabriel grinned and promptly had two smoking hot, half naked ladies in his arms who giggled and stroked his shoulders and chest flirtily.

 

Charlie eyes went wide: “I dig your style Mr. Archangel!”

 

….:::: ::::....

 

When Cas entered the library to finally fetch Sariel he didn’t expect to find them all in such a wanton mood. For a minute he just leant against the door frame and enjoyed the picture of the people he considered as family having a nice time, drinking colorful drinks and playing a card game that seemed to change rules every time Gabriel drew a card he didn’t want.

 

He wished Dean would have felt strong enough to get up from his bed to see this. But thanks to Sariel he knew the hunter had a chance to make new and joyful memories in his life. And Cas would make sure that he accompanied him every step of the way.

 

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one chapter to go!!


	15. Saving people, hunting things, the family business

**Chapter 15: Saving people, hunting things, the family business**

 

_Carry on my wayward son_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry no more_

_Kansas – Carry on my wayward son_

  
  


In the end it had taken two weeks for Sariel to heal Dean completely and the hunter had been pleasantly surprised that she had kept her word about everything. Dean hadn’t even felt her inside of him which was odd because he remembered the one time he had met Jimmy and how he had told them that being possessed by an angel was like being chained to a comet… But he hadn’t noticed Sariel at all.

 

Maybe it was because Cas was a really bad ass warrior and Sariel was kind of a medic angel or whatever. Or maybe it was because she hadn’t controlled him but kept herself neatly in the background where Dean couldn't really notice her. From time to time he had almost forgotten that she was there.

 

For the past two weeks he had to force himself to keep his hands off his angel - especially when they were alone, which was often since now that Cas was human he had to sleep every night and he had started sleeping in Dean’s bed with him. It had been two frustrating weeks and Dean just knew that he would have to lock Cas and himself in his room for at least a week to compensate for their lack of intimacy.

 

The first night had been the worst. After Sariel had possessed him (which had been a very weird feeling) and Gabriel had disappeared with her body, the hunter had decided to call it an early night and to just stay in bed.

 

Cas’s first instinct was to leave the room and let him rest but Dean held his wrist to stop him: “Where do you think you’re going?”

 

“You need to sleep…”

 

“Exactly, I’ll sleep much better if you stay here.”  

 

Cas gave him a warm smile before he removed his shirt and dress pants and crawled into bed with him – on the side of Dean’s bed that had been empty since they had moved into the bunker and Dean had intended to fill with Castiel’s presence from the start. It was then that Dean realized that Cas couldn’t just fly off anymore, that he would finally stay with him and sleep beside him every night. Dean knew he shouldn’t feel happy about this because it also represented how much Cas had lost. He just hoped he could show Cas that he also had gained a lot they didn’t have before in their relationship.

 

Dean pulled him close, burying his face in Cas’s soft hair, smelling his shampoo on him as Cas nuzzled and kissed him lightly on his throat. “Cas…”

 

“Mmmmh?”

 

“We can’t do this… Not as long as, you know…. I’m not alone in here. That would be like a creepy threesome.”

 

Cas growled, his voice vibrated against Dean’s throat: “This will get frustrating very soon…”

 

“Yep,” Dean sighed defeatedly as he stroked through Cas’s hair tenderly, gazing at the ceiling and hoping this healing process wouldn’t take too long. “We’ll make up for the lost time once I’m alone again. Promise.”

 

“Can’t wait…,” Cas murmured quietly.

 

“Are you tired?” Dean smiled when Cas pulled him closer, letting his hand rest on the hunter's chest.

 

“Yes… I feel like I could sleep for weeks. And your bed is very comfortable… and so are you.” Dean felt Cas smiling against the nape of his neck. “Yeah? I’m not your pillow.”

 

“Should I sleep on my side?” Cas asked innocently.

 

Dean smiled as Cas said “my side”. He knew it was all very domestic but he loved every second, every little thing of it. “Don’t you dare,” he chuckled and Cas pulled him even closer.

 

The next thing he was aware of was waking up with Cas laying almost completely on top of him. He grinned when dark, messy hair tickled his nose before he turned his head to his nightstand to see that it was already 9 am. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept so well. He couldn’t even remember dreaming about anything. He didn’t know if that was because an angel was currently possessing him or if it was because of Cas. Dean laid his arm around Cas, enjoying the feeling of his body weighing him down, leaving him with a feeling of security and anchoring him down to this moment of peace – the feeling that everything was fine and that he could keep this. It was just a simple, small thing but waking up with Cas felt like the best way to start a day and for the first time he felt hopeful. _Good things do happen._

 

…. :::: :::: ….

 

At the end of the two weeks Gabriel snuck up suddenly behind Dean while he was in the kitchen, causing him to jump in shock and drop his sandwich, which Gabriel caught before it could land on the floor. The hunter would have been happy that his sandwich didn’t get ruined if Gabriel hadn't chosen to take a large bite of it first, causing Dean to lose interest in it immediately.

 

“Sure, help yourself. Not that you need to eat... but hey!”

 

“Dean-o, Dean-o, Dean-o. It’s not about needing…” Gabriel greeted him with a grin and a full mouth.

 

“Well it was for me…,“ Dean grumbled,  “Anyway, what do you want? Anything new about this Meta-douche?”

 

“He kinda barricaded himself up there… but we’ll get through to him. In time. I hope.”

 

“Yeah, when you’re finished with him I’d like to have a few words with that ass… and by a few words I mean I’m gonna beat the crap out of him for what he did to Cas”

 

Gabriel chuckled: “I think I can arrange that. But I’m not here to talk about sweet revenge and stuff. I’m here for Sariel. She called me.”

 

Dean eyes widened: “Um… how?”

 

Gabriel grinned and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder: “Don’t break your brain, kiddo. Angel radio? She doesn’t need to be in control to communicate with me.”

 

“Does that mean I’m healed?!??”

 

“Slow as ever…,” When Dean’s questioning look didn’t change the archangel added with a sigh: “Yes, Dean – you’re healed.”

 

Dean’s eyebrow shot to his hairline as he slowly turned around and ran to his room to wake up Cas.

 

When Dean entered his room Cas was laying down on his stomach and dangerously close to the edge of the bed. He wasn’t wearing Dean’s old t-shirt anymore (it lay crumpled on the floor next to the bed) and the blanket only covered his lower half.

 

“Cas!! Wake up!”

 

Cas groaned and turned around in his sleep, covering his face with one arm. Dean took his sweet time appreciating Cas’s bicep muscles, the all over nicely toned chest of his angel and the absolutely adorable bedhead he was sporting. Not that he would ever say that out loud.

 

“Cas? Hey, sleepyhead!"

  
  


Cas grunted as he wrinkled his nose and opened just one eye, peering from under his arm to look at Dean. Then he just pulled the covers completely over his face. Dean laughed. Cas really wasn’t a morning person.

 

“Come on! You’re missing the good news!” Dean crawled over the bed and sat down on the ‘Cas-blanket-pile’ as he tried to peel the covers away from his angel. The hunter yelped when Cas suddenly pushed him down on the bed and sat up up on his lap in one swift motion, pinning Dean’s arms over his head and giving him a heated look. His voice was rough with sleep and low and it never failed to have an immediate effect on Dean’s lower body. “What good news?”

 

Dean grinned: “Gabriel is here and Sariel is done healing me. So let’s free her from my body so I can finally fuck your brains out.”

 

Cas’s eyes went wide before he jumped from the bed, pulling Dean with him and growling impatiently: “Come on, Dean. What are you waiting for?”

 

Dean laughed, loving the whole banter thing that had been going on lately and tossed his t-shirt from the floor in Cas’s arms. “Put this on. This…,” he gestured at Cas’s bare chest “...is for my eyes only.”  

 

“Since when are you so possessive?” Cas asked with a smug grin causing Dean to playfully slap his behind.

 

“Possessive? Wait till you see how possessive I get on your sexy –”

 

Sam’s cough interrupted him from the open door: “Dean, Gabriel is in the kitchen!”

 

“I know, Sammy! Sariel is done apparently. I was just on my way to tell you.”

 

Sam smiled happily and it grew even wider when he watched how impatiently Cas dragged Dean towards the kitchen. “Hello Gabriel.”

 

“Hey Cassie-boy. How’s life treating you as a human?” Gabriel grinned and hugged Cas briefly. Sam smiled at Dean over the gesture, while Dean just shrugged in response.

 

“Better than I expected,” Cas answered, giving Dean a knowing smile. The hunter laid his hand on Cas’s shoulder as he turned his attention back to Gabriel. “So let’s do this! We don’t want to keep Sariel waiting. She must be itching to get back into her own body.”

 

“I think the only one with an itch is –”

 

Sam cleared his throat soundly to interrupt Gabriel’s musing as the archangel held up his hands in in surrender: “Okay, okay.” He pushed Sariel’s body which appeared suddenly out of nowhere into Sam’s strong arms, who made a surprised oof noise. “Hold her for a second, will ya?”

 

Dean started to glow and Sam had to avert his eyes with the sudden brightness as Sariel left his brother’s body in a fluid motion and entered her own again.

  
“Wow, that was weird…,” Dean coughed and shook his head to get rid of the tingly sensation that still hadn’t left his body. Sariel opened her eyes and smiled at Sam who still held her in his arms. “Oh…,” Sam realized that he didn’t have to do this anymore and let her go with a grin which she mimicked. “Thank you, Sam.” Sam shook his head: “No, thank you, for everything you’ve done. Thank you for saving my brother.”

 

Dean nodded: “Yeah, thank you. You’re really okay for an angel…” Cas roughly shoved his shoulder for that and Dean cleared his throat: “I mean… Thank you, really.”

 

Sariel smiled: “I’m glad I could help.” She turned around to face the archangel. “Gabriel, I think we should go. We need to free those poor souls from the veil as soon as possible.” Gabriel nodded, suddenly serious: “Cas I will be back for you as soon as we get news news about Metatron. Stay out of trouble, will you? It’s my turn to set things right. You’ve done good kiddo and I’m proud of you.”

 

Cas looked down at the floor. He didn’t know what to say to Gabriel’s words, he still believed it was his fault that the angels had fallen. Gabriel tsked and stepped in front of him: “It’s not your fault, Castiel. Believe me. This is all on Metatron. Don’t punish yourself for this. I meant what I said… you did good.”

 

Cas gave him a sad smile, knowing he would need time to really believe Gabriel’s words. He hugged his brother again and thanked him, before both angels vanished into thin air.

 

 

…. :::: :::: ….

 

“You can't go around smiting the bad guys with your hand anymore. So you have to learn how to fight the good old human way if you wanna go on hunts with us.” Dean explained as they stood in front of each other on a mat in one of the many empty rooms the bunker had to offer and which had probably been used as a training ground for the men of letters back in the days.

 

Cas stood there barefooted with an old pair of sweatpants from Dean that hung low on his hips and Dean’s grey AC/DC band t-shirt. Dean always planned to go shopping for some new clothes for Cas but secretly he just loved the fact that he was wearing his clothes. He looked really good in them.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow as Dean’s eyes raked over his body using his distraction to swiftly attack the hunter and threw him on the mat, sitting on his lap and pinning him down with his weight, holding his wrist far over Dean’s head in a tight grip. “I’m very able to fight even without my grace,” he growled into Dean’s ear. Dean blinked at him in surprise before he grinned and kissed his angel. Cas’s grip on Dean’s wrist loosened and Dean used the moment to spin them around, pinning Cas on the ground. Cas laughed as he saw Dean’s smug expression: “You know I have you right where I want you, right? I still have the advantage here.” Dean raised his eyebrow: “Oh yeah? Prove it!”

 

“Okay but first we have to get rid of your shirt…,” Cas muttered as he gripped the hem of it and pulled it roughly over Dean’s head. He chose this moment to turn them around again, just to prove his point and to pull off his own shirt once he had tossed Dean’s aside. Dean just lay under him, grinning like a kid on christmas. “I thought the plan was to get some hand to hand training, Cas. Kind of difficult to focus like this.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow: “Why, am I distracting you, Dean?”

 

Dean’s gaze wandered over Cas’s nicely toned chest: ”You know damn well you are.”

 

Cas gripped Dean’s wrists and held them down. “Come on. Show me what you got. Don’t hold back.”

 

Dean turned his arms to free himself from Cas’s grip and pulled him forward in a swift motion, using the momentum to push him off. He rolled to the side and stood up, grinning at his angel who smiled in return as he readied himself for Dean’s next move. The hunter shifted his stance, stepping back on his left foot with his hands up in defense.

 

Cas just stood there for a few seconds, watching him carefully before he dropped to a crouch, attacking Dean with a surprising kick at his shin before shifting his weight backwards and out of Dean’s range as he jumped and tried to grab his food. Cas spun around on the ground, landing a kick to the back of Dean's knee that cost the hunter his balance and made him land on his hands with an oof. Cas caught his arms and bent them behind Dean’s back as he tried to pin him down to the ground with his weight but Dean dropped himself to the ground and turned around, so that Cas fell down on him. Dean laughed: “Fuck, you’re good.”

 

Cas stood up and pulled Dean up from the ground. Instead of letting him go he pulled the hunter in his arms. “Just trying to prove a point. I’m not defenseless just because I’m human now. I have been a soldier for my whole life and as you once so kindly have said it: ‘I’m older than dirt’. So there’s a lot of experience I can fall back on.”

 

Dean smiled and tapped his shoulder: “I hear you, man. Just wanted to make sure. I know you’re not a baby in a trench coat anymore.”

 

Cas growled, hooked his leg around Dean’s and caused the hunter to fall on the mat: “I was never a baby in a trench coat.” He sat on Dean’s lap to pin him down, giving him a confused look as he noticed Dean’s smug grin. “What?” Cas asked, still sulking with a furrowed brow.

 

Dean let his hand wander over Cas’s bare chest tenderly, before he rubbed over Cas’s right nipple, coaxing a moan from the ex-angel’s lips. “Now I’m the one who has you right where I want you.”

 

Dean nearly laughed at how fast Cas’s expression changed with his words, going from a frown to a happy smile. Dean propped himself up on his elbows to move closer until their noses were just a few inches apart. His heartbeat quickened and Dean thought happily that Cas probably would always have this effect on him, every time his impossible blue eyes looked at him as if he was his whole world. Cas closed the gap between them with a lingering kiss, licking Dean’s lips and into his mouth, moaning when Dean gripped him tightly and pulled him closer.

 

Cas’s lips wandered from the hunter’s mouth over his chin and down his throat, starting to explore his chest with his lips and tongue. Dean closed his eyes, enjoying how much his angel had learned since they were together and how Cas seemed to unerringly find every spot with his tongue that drove Dean insane with want. It wasn’t long before he was rubbing his erection against Cas’s hips, causing his angel to growl against Dean’s throat before he pushed back to his knees, grabbing Dean’s sweatpants and pulling them down and off along with his boxers. Cas looked down at Dean with hungry eyes, as he ran his fingers up and down Dean’s inner thigh before he bent over flicking his tongue over the head, licking at the precum that had already gathered there. Dean moaned and buried his fingers in Cas’s soft hair, marveling at how amazing and good Cas made him feel. How he had never met someone who could reduce him to a trembling mess just with his tongue.

 

He remembered the first time Cas had given him a blow job, how sinful and beautiful he had been on his knees with his massive, black wings spread out and filling the room. Cas didn’t have them anymore and although Dean missed the sight of them it also meant Cas was like him now, that he would stay and couldn’t fly off, leaving him alone again. He knew it was selfish to think like that but on the same note he knew Cas would understand if he knew Dean’s thoughts. He always did.

 

It was strange but in the last two weeks he felt more connected to Cas than before when they still had their bond. It was the little things they started to share, like cooking and eating together, finding the likes and dislikes food wise, watching and explaining Doctor Sexy on the bed while Cas laid in his arms, enjoying Dean stroking through his hair. Brushing their teeth together and making the other laugh in the process, showering, teaching Cas how a car worked and how to wash and fold laundry. One time Kevin had asked them if they could still share thoughts because they had looked at each other before they started grinning at the same time. Dean couldn’t remember what it was about but at that point he had realized that they always could communicate without using words. All these things made them grew closer, made Dean feel more secure in this relationship and trust in Castiel, that this was right and good and he could keep this happiness.

 

At some point Cas had removed his pants and boxers too as he licked one final time all the way up to the tip before he settled himself on Dean’s lap, bending over to kiss Dean again. Dean could taste himself on his angel’s tongue, humming in pleasure before he gripped Cas’s hipbones to push him into a better position so he could sit up and hold Cas close, feeling every part of Cas’s naked skin on him. It was a nice position with both their dicks pressed together between their bodies. Cas was taller than him now that he was sitting on Dean’s lap, their foreheads resting against each other, hot breath on each other’s lips as a ghost of a smile flitted over Cas’s mouth. “This is the first time in two weeks that I miss my grace.”

 

Dean licked over Cas’s upper lip before he whispered: “Why?” The hunter didn’t give Cas time to answer the question, pushing his right hand between their bodies, wrapping his fingers tight around both their dicks as he started to stroke them, enjoying Cas’s deep moan and the look of surprise that he always got when he touched him, as if he still wasn’t used to the amount of pleasure this was giving him.

 

Cas buried his face in his shoulder, kissing him as he buried his fingers in Dean’s hair: “Just that I want to feel you inside of me but I can’t will the lube from our room in my hand. Very inconvenient”

 

Dean chuckled: “Don’t worry, Cas. Give me a few minutes after this and I’ll come back to this plan as soon as we’re in our bed again.”

 

“Okay... why did we even leave the bed? We should stay there…, “ Cas moaned before he licked Dean’s throat, moving to suck and nibble at Dean’s shoulder.

 

“Can’t… um… oh fuck…. remember…,” Dean had gripped them tighter and stroked them harder and faster, planting his hand flat on Cas’s chest for leverage as his angel leant back, head thrown back with closed eyes and his mouth open, gasping for breath as he came into Dean’s hand. With his next stroke Dean spread Cas’s come over the head of his own dick, the feeling and just the thought of that was what pushed Dean over into his own orgasm.

 

They sat there for a while after that, catching their breath with Dean’s arms tight around his angel and Cas resting his head on the hunter’s shoulder when Dean thought that he never felt closer to another person before, never more intimate as he did now with Cas.

 

And he felt incredibly happy.

  
  


…. :::: :::: ….

 

A few days later Sam had found a case and they had decided to go out hunting again. Just some simple salt and burn to get back “into the game” as Dean had called it. Cas sat at the table in the library watching his hunter as he packed their duffel bags, smiling as he thought about the last few weeks.

 

He remembered the day in the motel room in Maine (it seemed like a lifetime ago), that glorious day when a broken wing had let to their first steps into their new relationship, when they had opened up to each other, connected and grew into something more. He wanted to explain to Dean why he didn’t miss being an angel. How he just couldn’t miss anything when Dean was making him feel so complete and whole, when he made him feel like he was flying and anchoring him down at the same time. He felt complete, like he had finally found the one thing he was made for. The one thing that made him feel happiness that was beyond anything he had ever imagined.

 

He gave Dean a warm smile – a smile that was instantly mirrored on the hunter’s face. It was then that Cas knew that Dean would always understand him even without words… They may not have been bonded by an ancient ritual anymore but they were on a different level that couldn’t be touched and no one could take away.

 

Dean grinned at him: “Come on, Cas. Let’s go. We have work to do.” Cas nodded and took one of the bags before he followed Dean – like he would always do.

 

**the end**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I've finished writing this story. This is not only the longest fanfic I've ever written but also the longest I've ever written in another language. I couln't have done this without the help of my amazing beta drunk_idjit who supported this story from the start! Thank you so so much!! I also want to thank everyone who left kudos and comments - it means a lot and it's very motivating to write more. Thank you!


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